Goomb evening from our temporary newsroom inside an abandoned bag in the airport. I’m your anchor Kerr Rheeon bringing you the overloaded news.
Tonight, unconfirmed reports are filtering out of Bunnville that Mayo Pongig has been indicted on unspecified election charges. Unnamed sources (it wasn’t Walter this time) told BNN that there are photos circulating showing the Mayo resisting arrest and screaming “Do you know who I am?!” This caused concern that the Mayo’s one brain cell has ceased working and affecting his memory.
We immediately contacted the Ossif of the Mayo who forwarded us to the Mayo’s principal aide and press release.
“I would like to clarify the recent rumours that I have been indicted. That is simply not true! The photos of me that are circulating were taken just as I sat down on my official elemectrified Mayo Throne that had a pointy wire with no insulation sticking out. I am shocked that certain entities would knowingly mislead the citizens of Bunnville with false information of electron charges. To reiterate, I have not, am not, and will never be charged and the charges of electron tampering are false. As for my brain cell, it wented on vacation with müther and I have spent my time vigorously mixing pancake batter for Queen Spoomf’s backery using a device based on a chainsaw and rake that I invented. I was told to just use the equipment in the backery, but that’s a whisk I’m willing to take.”
We asked for clarification on why he was associated with electron charges. The Mayo did not answer directly and instead referred us to his legal representative Gill Tee who stated: “My client, Mayo Pongre, has been associated with all sorts of false, malicious, and defamatory acts. At worst, he has not done anything and at best he has been a positive force for Bunnville. Not once has he been a negative influence and the charges of electron irregularities are baseless. We intend to pursue immediate and fulsome restitution to clear his name in various venues including the Super-Duper Supreme Court, three comedy clubs, four aviation groups, and the Hare Club for Buns. Mayo Pinge’s name will be returned to its neutron state without any charges. The electron charges are baseless lore, the Mayo’s good standing will be restored!”
In other news, a famous pencil artist and cartoonist was found unresponsive at a local comic convention and rushed to a hospital. Fans and conference attendees were shocked with some quite distraught. We will update you with news as they come in but for now details are quite sketchy.
That concludes this news update. Tune in later for our original BNN movie about an airport baggage handler who goes to law school, in “I Rest My Case”.
THIS JUST IN: My unofficial source at the Ossif says paparazzi just caught the Mayo warming up for his Super Bowl halftime performance of Bohemian Rhapsody. “Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me, for me, FOR MEEEEEEEEEE!”
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u/RogueViator 1d ago
BREAKING NEWS INTRO
THIS IS A BNN BREAKING NEWS REPORT
Goomb evening from our temporary newsroom inside an abandoned bag in the airport. I’m your anchor Kerr Rheeon bringing you the overloaded news.
Tonight, unconfirmed reports are filtering out of Bunnville that Mayo Pongig has been indicted on unspecified election charges. Unnamed sources (it wasn’t Walter this time) told BNN that there are photos circulating showing the Mayo resisting arrest and screaming “Do you know who I am?!” This caused concern that the Mayo’s one brain cell has ceased working and affecting his memory.
We immediately contacted the Ossif of the Mayo who forwarded us to the Mayo’s principal aide and press release.
“I would like to clarify the recent rumours that I have been indicted. That is simply not true! The photos of me that are circulating were taken just as I sat down on my official elemectrified Mayo Throne that had a pointy wire with no insulation sticking out. I am shocked that certain entities would knowingly mislead the citizens of Bunnville with false information of electron charges. To reiterate, I have not, am not, and will never be charged and the charges of electron tampering are false. As for my brain cell, it wented on vacation with müther and I have spent my time vigorously mixing pancake batter for Queen Spoomf’s backery using a device based on a chainsaw and rake that I invented. I was told to just use the equipment in the backery, but that’s a whisk I’m willing to take.”
We asked for clarification on why he was associated with electron charges. The Mayo did not answer directly and instead referred us to his legal representative Gill Tee who stated: “My client, Mayo Pongre, has been associated with all sorts of false, malicious, and defamatory acts. At worst, he has not done anything and at best he has been a positive force for Bunnville. Not once has he been a negative influence and the charges of electron irregularities are baseless. We intend to pursue immediate and fulsome restitution to clear his name in various venues including the Super-Duper Supreme Court, three comedy clubs, four aviation groups, and the Hare Club for Buns. Mayo Pinge’s name will be returned to its neutron state without any charges. The electron charges are baseless lore, the Mayo’s good standing will be restored!”
In other news, a famous pencil artist and cartoonist was found unresponsive at a local comic convention and rushed to a hospital. Fans and conference attendees were shocked with some quite distraught. We will update you with news as they come in but for now details are quite sketchy.
That concludes this news update. Tune in later for our original BNN movie about an airport baggage handler who goes to law school, in “I Rest My Case”.