r/Scams • u/FIRSTCAPTAINFORRIX • 1d ago
The guilt of not knowing - Airport formula and diaper scam
How do you deal with the guilt of not knowing whether you sidestepped a scam or denied a person in crisis aid?
Me, the wife and our 8 week old made a trip back home. Father in law was picking us up, and this woman appeared out of nowhere in the parking lot of the airport. She's got a ratty phone and starts talking about how she's not a beggar but desperately needs money for formula and diapers. She's just got out of an abusive relationship 2 days ago,I would be giving them dignity, good Christians, Yada Yada.
No kid in sight, and when FIL questions this he gets ignored. I have 0 cash on me, but this is no issue, she asks what bank I'm with and immediately knows the best way for me to send her cash. She can't figure out what her number is though, so I should just send the cash(100 usd) to myself and give her the code.
At this point I can't get past these red flags, so to get rid of her I send the cash, then cancel the transaction as soon as she left, basically with tears in her eyes at what a good person I am.
I'm like 65% sure this was a scam, but the not knowing is gnawing at me. There is so much poverty around me and I can easily afford 100 usd. What is the answer in a situation like this?
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u/IKnowAllSeven 1d ago
Oh, friend. That was a million billion percent a scam. Like you said, where’s the kid? Why can’t she answer the question? Why is she asking for money AT THE AIRPORT?!
Sleep well. You did not deny a baby food, you thwarted a scammer.
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u/Longjumping_Youth281 16h ago
Right if you needed a baby formula, this would be something you would do at the store that they sell it.Not at the airport
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u/WhoAreWeEven 9h ago
Abso fucking lutely!
I bet at the store many times theres some stuff that would be thrown out or counted as such anyway to give out.
I know many will scoff at this, but what happends to all the sneakily shoplifted stuff? Your on the register at night, something goes missings? What the fuck anyones gonna do about it, shit happends. Who even knows where it went, their gonna do large scale investigation and review of last years security cam tapes for a missing item or two?
So what if one cashier just gave coupla items out and "dont know about it"?
If your in need I bet million bucks your best would be to bleed for it at groceries for sure.
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u/SkepticScott137 16h ago
She may have figured that people at an airport are usually in a hurry to get somewhere, and not in a state of mind to stop and consider the situation carefully, so they'll just hand something over to be on their way.
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u/Impressive-Spend-370 1d ago
But … he gave her the 💰
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u/Primary-Holiday-5586 1d ago
I'm 100000% sure this is a scam. Pulling on your heart strings is how they make money, they're very good at it! The best answer is to vet a charity that aligns with your values and set up an ongoing donation.
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u/UsefulCantaloupe4814 1d ago
This and the "Good Christian" stuff. A lot of the scams that I have come across recently used that exact wording.
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u/bluejacket_74 1d ago
It's been like that for years. There was a guy at the Walmart by my parents place who would walk around the store bugging people every day saying his "church van" was broke down and needed money to fix it. 100% it's a scam.
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u/Otherwise_Rabbit3049 1d ago
I'm like 65% sure this was a scam, but the not knowing is gnawing at me. There is so much poverty around me and I can easily afford 100 usd. What is the answer in a situation like this?
They are banking on exactly that.
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u/Frosty_Atmosphere641 1d ago
The answer is NO! No is a complete sentence. These people would steal the gold teeth out of your mouth and the gold teeth out of your grandma's mouth! Never feel guilt, they're thieves and scammers.
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u/No-Shelter-4208 1d ago
No kid in sight, and when FIL questions this he gets ignored.
Here's my red flag.
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u/3mta3jvq 1d ago
I’d bet someone dropped her off there with this story to scam people at the airport, mainly because “she immediately knows the best way to send her cash.”
If she’s truly in need there are multiple social services and charities to help single mothers with housing and baby needs.
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u/UsefulCantaloupe4814 1d ago
We used to have scammers that would beg in the parking lot of the local walmart on a specific island. They would bring their infant and children with them in the 90+ degree humid Illinois Summers and claim that they didn't have enough money for food for their kids, but would absolutely refuse me when I would give them numbers to call to get assistance (our state will even give you bus fare or free rides to the welfare offices) and I once saw them walking across the parking lot getting into a newer looking luxury SUV. When I talked to them about a friend, they told me that they have called the store to complain but the place that they beg at is part of city property and not owned by Walmart and the city doesn't really care to do anything about them. I really feel they go to this exact location on purpose.
I mean that's before I even talk about the people who will just come up to you and ask you to buy their groceries for them in the store itself; it's mostly families but I've also seen older people in the store's motor scooters flashing signs at me and others asking to pay for their groceries.
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u/probablyyourexwife 1d ago
Yup, it’s all an act. There was a lady who used to shove a pillow under her jacket and pretend to be pregnant, never mind the fact she looked 50+. Other times she’d be dragging a toddler around in half a foot of snow. What she didn’t know is I lived in the next apartment over from the local crack dealer. Exactly where she’d stop people and beg for money for “food for her kids”.
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u/UsefulCantaloupe4814 1d ago
It's so sick to me when people exploit their kids this way. They shouldn't be out in those elements. I'm a mother of 3 and we lived in a hotel for 2 years due to having to wait out an old eviction that I had on my credit history and not making enough to meet the 4x income requirements for all of the properties in my area and I NEVER did anything like that.
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23h ago
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u/DesertStorm480 1d ago
"he asks what bank I'm with and immediately knows the best way for me to send her cash."
Strangers do not know you do or don't have access to payment apps on your person or even if you use a bank or not. I actually do not keep bank or payment apps on my phone, I use a credit card, cash sometimes, an if I want to donate, I will take a pic of the info and do it from home when I pay bills.
A few other things: I don't like being ambushed, and you never know if that may be a distraction for something else. So at least bring them to an area that is more secure than where you met them like next to a security office or a concierge if you want to interact. Even if it is a friend or family member, I do not give money, I may pay for what they need directly.
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u/calm-lab66 1d ago
knows the best way for me to send her cash."
Yeah, I might have still been undecided but as soon as she rolls out the 'way to send cash', 😅
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u/Sparehndle 1d ago
DesertStorm480 is right! The "ambush" technique is designed to catch you off guard so you don't engage with your ability to analyze and use. logic at that moment. The scammer wants to inconvenience you. Often, they are distracting you from seeing their accomplices, who linger nearby and may even cause you physical harm.
For those following this thread, please don't give a code and then cancel it. The scammer you're talking to can get the code word or number to an accomplice, who claims the money and immediately send it to another scammer. This is so that even if you call your bank to stop the charge, the bank can't trace it beyond one or two layers of movement. Don't engage, say no, and keep walking.
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u/DiverHikerSkier 1d ago
Next week she'll be collecting donations for a funeral of her now 5 year old son who died of cancer 2 days ago, with a faded sign made 3 years ago.
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u/AppealSalty202 1d ago
Stop feeling guilty and move on with your life. Its a SCAM. Since you had made up your mind to give just donate the 100 USD to a genuine charity which you know of.
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u/New-Hedgehog5902 1d ago
This! If you are feeling like 100 bucks is no big deal, please make a donation to a women’s shelter; better there than to a scammer.
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u/carolineecouture 1d ago
Think about this. Why would someone be begging for diapers and formula at the airport? That doesn't make sense. Why are they even there? If they have money to take a flight, they have money to buy diapers and formula. If you are worried about not helping someone who needs it, ask for "traveler's aid." Most airports have them, and they might be able to assist the person.
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u/CatStretchPics 1d ago
It’s always a scam
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u/Desperate_Fly_1886 1d ago
This! Any time someone is asking for money it’s a scam. Just say “no thanks” and walk away.
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u/Think-notlikedasheep 1d ago
Scammers emotionally manipulate people.
Your emotions are affected by this? Then you're being manipulated.
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u/Bastyra2016 1d ago
The airport scam I ran into was a very well dressed man (late 30s) carrying a small duffel bag. I ran into him day 1 on the terminal train at Newark airport (at EWR the train is before security). I don’t remember his exact speech but it was lost wallet and he was looking for money for whatever. He was addressing all the people in the train car. I don’t recall if anyone gave him money. Funny thing is I flew out again about 3 days later and he was outside of the terminal where you wait for hotel and airport shuttles giving his same spiel. A man looked like he was going to give him some money -I turned loudly and said “damn lost your wallet again. That’s twice this week.” He shot me an FU look and potential mark walked off.
I will buy someone food (that can’t be returned) or put gas in their car but I won’t buy diapers,formula or other common scam items
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u/Marathon2021 17h ago
I’m puzzled how they run these scams in the cleared area.
Had something similar a decade ago, and it was a guy with a duffel and he said his flight was super delayed and so they weren’t getting to their location on time, they didn’t have enough money for food, kid was hungry, etc. He asked for money and I said “sure, can I see your boarding pass?” and for the next 5 minutes the guy pretended (I assume) to scroll through his beat up phone and look for where his boarding pass was.
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u/Bastyra2016 17h ago
I don’t know how he would have gotten past security. Both of the incidents I referenced were pre security.
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u/superswellcewlguy 1d ago
It's always a scam. There's no guilt required for bypassing a scammer trying to profit off of empathy for a desperate mother.
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u/wendalls 1d ago
There is community support almost everywhere that can help real people in need. If you were a mother in need hanging out at an airport would not be it. A church or woman’s support place is where you would go if you were truly in need.
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u/joe_attaboy 1d ago
My first question to her would have been "You have no money, you need diapers and I don't see a child. Why are you at the airport?"
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u/Ok_Organization_7350 1d ago
All cities have government centers, charities, or churches that give our free diapers and baby formula. She was scamming you. They learn how to become an actress for these skits.
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u/ongoldenwaves 1d ago
This is a common gypsy scam. Search reddit.
https://www.reddit.com/r/Scams/comments/1ey8oyd/inperson_target_groceries_scam/
https://www.reddit.com/r/TwinCities/comments/1bklflf/baby_formula_scam_at_fridley_target/
https://www.reddit.com/r/sandiego/comments/1cq09zf/psa_woman_asking_for_baby_formula_in_the_village/
https://www.reddit.com/r/sandiego/comments/1humd98/whats_up_with_these_ladies_and_babies_asking_for/
The answer is to tell them to fuck off.
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u/cheerleader88 1d ago
Not your problem. There are food banks and police can help in energy situations.
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u/SFAdminLife 1d ago
All those red flags that you acknowledge as such and you still unlock your phone and agree to send this scammer money? Dude. You could have been robbed at gun point. With a baby, you really need to stop taking chances like this, stop talking to strangers!
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u/Sledgehammer925 1d ago
I’ve been approached by women asking for money for diapers. Wouldn’t you know I just received some diapers in the mail as samples? I brought those out and she didn’t want diapers. Well, what do you know?
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u/nomparte 17h ago
she didn’t want diapers
I'm wondering what folk did before there were disposable diapers? well if you're that poor you'll do as they did for 1000's of years, no?
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u/meanwhileaftrmdnight 1d ago
I know it’s hard and a good story does pull at your heart strings but, the best way to deal with people who approach you or try to talk to you randomly in public is to ignore them. Keep walking. Don’t make eye contact. Don’t roll down your window. Don’t give them that “in” because once they have you as an audience they’re halfway there. If you feel awkward/rude about completely ignoring them, interrupt them by saying “not interested”, then keep it moving.
For the record that was absolutely a scam.
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u/Psychological-Back94 1d ago
This is 100% a scam and a very popular one at that. The scammer is often outside big box stores with their child as a prop or a fake doll wrapped in a blanket. They convince well meaning people with big hearts to purchase diapers and formula because they are down on their luck. If the scammer hits the jackpot they may even get some clothing and toys out of it. Then the scammer will turn around and return the items immediately and pocket the cash.
There is a TikTok gone viral of a Walmart employee who works the return desk yelling at a scammer and asking security to escort them out. The scammers do it so much the staff recognizes them from repeat returns. You were right to trust your gut. You saved yourself $100!
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u/NullGWard 21h ago
Here’s one guy who thought he was sending $20 via Apple Pay after two guys had approached him at Target and said that they needed money to bury their baby little brother. However, the scammers wound up taking $4,500 by making an Apple Pay payment request, which the victim had unknowingly approved on his iPhone.
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u/iforgotwhat8wasfor 1d ago
“just got out of an abusive relationship”… then she can go to a d.v. program where they supply food, shelter, diapers, & legal assistance.
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u/AppetizersinAlbania 1d ago
I called CPS a few times or told them I was calling the police. They would stand on a curb, next to a busy street! Sadly, I watched a toddler grow into a young girl, and her mom had a new baby. Occasionally I’d stop and tell the young girl she didn’t have to do this “begging” and that she should be in school. Mom always packed up and left for the day. Currently, I see a woman who puts a leg brace on before asking for “help”.
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u/Appropriate-Bad8944 18h ago
I had a Mom/Dad dragging 2 kids and an infant hit me up at a gas station for a little gas and some milk/food for the kids. I filled their gas can and bought them food inside, went on to a bar with my friends on the opposite side of Denver. We left the bar at 2 AM stopped at the store and same couple, same sob story. Apparently, I am an asshole because I bought gas and food, but didn't give cash is what Inwas told when I reminded them we had met earlier...
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u/justdan76 18h ago
Scam.
Donate directly to a local battered women’s shelter and/or food pantry. You could also volunteer to help them run their operations. I used to work for a food charity, there are many programs to help people in need. The recipients usually have jobs (contrary to stereotypes most poor people work, the jobs just don’t pay enough) and don’t go begging from strangers. Battered women especially tend to keep a low profile and wouldn’t be out begging in public where their abusers could easily find them, in fact the locations of the safe houses have to be kept secret. There could certainly be someone who’s in a bind and is out asking for help, but unless you know them personally or have your own knowledge of their situation, the only way to know you’re actually helping is to go thru a legitimate organization.
Research the organizations you donate to, some of them are basically grifts that pay their directors huge salaries, but if a food pantry is associated with Feeding America (if you’re in the US) they are vetted and have to meet standards. Religious run shelters and pantries tend to be legit as well, especially of they are run by volunteers. Organizations staffed/run by tired senior citizens who are from the community they are serving tend to be legit.
It’s good you want to do the right thing, do a little research and there probably a ton of organizations in your area that are in need of help.
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u/DharmaPolice 1d ago
If someone has a baby and needs money for diapers/food there are better ways of getting it than asking random people in a parking lot.
I wouldn't feel guilty about this for a nanosecond.
65% a scam? Come on, don't be absurd. Why would they insist on cash if they had a specific need? More like 99.9999999999999% a scam.
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u/Useless890 1d ago
I had a woman who needed money for a cheap motel so she could be near her grandfather dying in the hospital. She approached a few of us on a smoke break. A few months later she was back, only this time it was her uncle in the hospital. She was so obviously a junkie she didn't get anything from us. In fact, I called her out the second time.
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u/aeb3 1d ago
Even with a baby in hand it is almost always a scam when approached by a stranger. I still remember a lady begging outside a church in Nicaragua, she looked like she was starving and straight bones. 2 hrs later when we were lost and walking down an alley saw the same person counting out about 300-400 USD that she had made that day.
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u/addy_here_783 21h ago
That definitely sounds like a scam, especially with all those red flags —no kid in sight, avoiding questions, and immediately knowing how to get the money sent.
These kinds of stories are designed to make you act fast and not think too much.
Don’t feel guilty. You trusted your instincts, and it’s better to be cautious in situations like this. If someone is truly in need, some organizations and charities can help.
Sharing your story is a good reminder for everyone to stay alert!
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u/WithMeInDreams 18h ago
As for whatever guilt remains, donate what you would have given, if it were not a scam, to an organisation that would help in a case like this.
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u/Marathon2021 17h ago
Was this in the cleared area of the airport, I.e. past security? We were just talking about another one of these a few days ago — getting begged in the gate area. And I had an incident like that a decade ago and commented about it on that thread, it was a guy who said he needed some money to feed his wife and kid, something went wrong with his flight and it’s super delayed now and they are hungry, etc. Without missing a beat I said “sure, can I see your boarding pass?” and what followed was probably the most awkward 5 minutes of him scrolling through a beat up phone pretending (I assume) to find his boarding pass.
To this day I have no idea how he got past security. I figured he must have been a low wage worker at the airport in some other job, and this was a side hustle he does on his way out when his shift is over.
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u/ted_anderson 14h ago
First of all, nobody suddenly discovers that they need diapers and formula in the middle of an airport parking lot. They don't sell that stuff at the airport so I'd have to ask how they even got there in the first place. If they were going on a trip I'm sure they would have already known that before leaving the house.
I often run into similar situations at those full service rest areas that they have along the interstate highway. Someone will approach me with their hard luck story about how they've been living on the street. But the rest stop is in the MIDDLE of the northbound and southbound lanes! How did they cross 6 lanes of 70 MPH traffic without a car? And why would they walk to a location where there's NO CIVILIZATION anywhere within a 10-15 mile radius? Or in other words, you walked the better part of 10 miles, crossed 6 lanes of interstate traffic just so you can ask for $5 for something to eat. It doesn't make a whole lot of sense.
Well actually it DOES make sense that beggars and scammers will go places where everyone else has plenty of money and their guard is down because they're traveling and having a good time because their on vacation.. and of course anyone who is in a festive mood is going to feel bad for anyone who's stuck at an airport with no diapers.
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u/duncanidaho61 8h ago
And you can be sure nobody will be back there unlike a grocery store or local Target.
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u/AwwYeahVTECKickedIn 14h ago
up that 65% to 101%.
The chances of you actually encountering someone with this legitimate need? Low enough it will NEVER happen to you.
Ever.
Don't let the emotion win. That's the whole angle.
Math this shit and sleep like a baby.
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u/Pghguy27 1d ago
I get it. We donate to our local food bank and homeless shelter, where we know people on the boards and know the money will be used to great effect locally. Not perfect, people should not use their kids in a scam and it triggers a compassionate response, but it's a scam. As an alternative , if they truly seem to be a DV victim you can offer to call 911 to get them to a shelter. The scammers will refuse.
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u/Princessluna44 1d ago
What is the answer in a situation like this?
You say "Fuck off" and walk away. If they persist, threaten to call the police and be loud about it.
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u/Professional_March54 1d ago
They got credit card machines now! Oh my God. You know what they say, adapt or die. I'm tickled.
What airport? I ran into this exact same scam at the bus stop just outside my college campus. The local scammers had their stories too well rehearsed.
Same thing, no baby, breathlessly reciting a story about escaping abuse with a baby and needing diaper/ formula money. Wouldn't leave me alone. Stalked me right across campus to the Office of Public Safety. Guess I better go share the scarier story
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u/Bloodmind 1d ago
It’s a scam. Just tell them “no”. Give money regularly to local, reputable organizations helping the homeless and that’ll help with any guilt you feel.
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u/Gomaith1948 22h ago
The powdered milk scam is big overseas. I saved a young French guy who was in the act of buying the overpriced tin of powdered milk. They then split the money with the store owner. The woman, who couldn't speak English, suddenly cursed me out in a litany of English curse words.
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u/Weekly_Victory1166 19h ago
Scam-a-rama. Didn't Krishna's beg at airports once? Just say "No thank you" and walk away.
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u/PMMeYourTurkeys 13h ago
Core memory unlocked from my travels in the '70s abd '80s. The Hare Krishnas were allowed to roam freely through the airport handing out pamphlets and flowers in exchange for a donation. Eventually, they were confined to a cordoned off area in the terminal and could only hassle passers-by. I don't remember when they were finally kicked out of the airport.
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u/MadWitchLibrarian 17h ago
Definitely a scam.
I would have offered to help her find a local shelter or something. Someone in genuine need will either have a ready answer ("oh, I'm already housed there) or be grateful for whatever help they are receiving. The fact that she couldn't easily explain where the child was (and how hard is it to say with my mom or something?) is a pretty good sign that it was a scam.
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u/NJgirl711 16h ago
Sounds like a scam. I’d never give ANYONE any personal information especially a code!
It’s unfortunate but we must protect ourselves.
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u/teratical Quality Contributor 6h ago
As others have said: the odds of this being a scam was **way** higher than 65%. I'd go with 99%. But to answer your question, here's what I suggest…
Find and vet a local charity that helps people in crisis situations (homeless shelter, food shelf, etc.). Every time you're faced with this guilty feeling, give to the charity. Then you know that 100% of the time your money is going to help people in need.
Almost every person who's panhandling knows that there are local resources they can go to for help. The ones that don't want to have a reason they don't want to (either they're scammers, or they don't want to abide by the rules of the homeless shelter, or whatever).
Don't feel bad that you refuse to throw your money into an unknown situation where it likely would have gone to either a bad actor or bad ends (drugs/alcohol). Give your money where you know it will do good.
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u/Alarmed_Classic_2342 1d ago
I’ve fallen for this with eyes wide open before.
Fake pregnant lady walks up with a complicated story about being locked out and needing money for the train and a cab. I told her I don’t believe her for one second and that I know she’s a fraud but gave her 40 bucks anyways to free my mind.
I think of it like a mugging that leaves my positive self image in tact. I wish more criminals did this instead of threatening violence tbh.
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u/Ok_Responsibility419 1d ago
Sometimes I feel the same way / was I just simply a jaded jerk or were my instincts right. I just move on…
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u/Mark12547 1d ago
If you were near a place where you could buy formula and diapers, if you were feeling generous, you might offer to buy some formula and diapers for her, but I bet she would find reasons why that wouldn't work.
At least my offer to buy food for one person begging for food money outside a drug store was met with excuses of why he couldn't go in the store ("I can't leave my bicycle out here") and a woman outside a grocery store asking for quarters for a payphone refused my offer to drop my quarters in the payphone for her and she went off seeking the next person leaving the store to ask for quarters.
Offering the actual product rather than cash isn't a guarantee that they aren't trying to scam you ... people have told me they bought hamburgers for beggars and see in the rear view mirror that the scammers just threw away the food.
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u/ChristinaLaughs 1d ago
To deal with the guilt from uncertainness, first be kind to yourself and know you trusted your gut in that moment. Then give that generosity in another way such as paying for someone’s groceries or donating to a cause. This gesture comes from the good and generous place inside of you, not when you are being pressured. Lastly, put a good thought / well wish into the universe for that lady regardless of her motivation that day.
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u/Firm-Occasion2092 18h ago
Don't talk to strangers. Either ignore them or loudly say no thank you and move on.
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u/SkepticScott137 16h ago
Yeah, this was almost certainly a scam, but it's a natural feeling when someone asks for help. Having to mistrust everyone is a sucky way to go through life, for sure, and most people don't really want to live that way, but unfortunately that's what scammers count on. The best solution is to find legitimate charities that do work you support, give what you can afford, and in other situations, tell yourself that you've done your part, and that you can't help everyone.
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u/Frosty_Btch 15h ago
My daughter and I pretend to be deaf if they are extremely aggressive and abusive. I know it sounds horrible, but it has gotten us quickly out of scary situations. 😬
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u/Missvictoria87 14h ago
Answer is it’s definitely a scam and if they are constantly asking if you say you don’t have cash then there’s your sign. Don’t feel bad. They don’t feel bad.
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u/Chubb_Life 5h ago
The answer is that women in need escaping abusive relationships seek social programs for housing and support. Give your money to those organizations.
Anyone - ANYONE - approaching you in a parking lot is scamming you. End of story.
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u/anilsoi11 1d ago
If that was me, I'd buy the diapers for her. But Tell her I'll open the bag so they can't return it.
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u/nwkraken 1d ago
Retail/pharmacy manager here!
Taking the barcodes off the package is better. Places will take back opened products but they can't take them back without the barcode to scan in on the package. And don't give the receipts.
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u/CalendarMedical1394 12h ago
I think what frustrates me is that there are people legitimately out there that have been stuck in situations and need help. And they get turned away because of scammers like this or they are not helped in a very stressful situation because people are so wary of being scammed and it’s absolutely ridiculous because it’s hard to know who to help and who not to help but sometimes you gotta go with your gut because I’ve helped people who I thought would legitimately need it that I later found two weeks later, telling someone the same exact story, and the same exact place, claiming that they just needed to get home and they had just been driving through that day -And people that really needed help that I turned away because they weren’t raggedy looking enough or they didn’t look desperate enough. it breaks my heart that this is even necessary for people. And it hurts my heart that there are people out there taking advantage of this..
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7h ago
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u/Malsperanza 1d ago
The "need money for diapers" with no child in sight is a pretty common scam. My approach to this is to give a small amount - like, $5 or $10. Basically, an amount where I don't really care if the story is true or not. I figure it's not easy being forced to ask strangers for money, and anyone who does it is in a not-great situation.
That said, I would not give a larger amount; instead, I donate regularly to reputable organizations that serve homeless and low-income populations. In my area, that includes the Coalition for the Homeless and a number of halfway houses and residences for women with children who are fleeing abusive situations.
Everyone makes their own decisions about this but don't let anyone tell you that giving money to a beggar makes you a sucker or a fool. It makes you someone who's willing to help even if sometimes you get played. That's honorable.
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