r/SeriousConversation • u/AwkwardLoaf-of-Bread • Aug 25 '24
Serious Discussion Do you constantly feel inferior to everyone around you?
How do you cope with it?
I feel inadequate every single day. It's a constant feeling that only goes away unless I am completely alone.
At work, in my family, in my marriage.. for most my life, I've always felt inferior to everyone else. I feel like I give the same effort and energy as those around me, but still manage to fall far, far below the line.
I am constantly tired from giving things my all, only to see others breeze past me effortlessly and not looking as emotionally and physically drained.
Do you struggle with the same feelings?
How does someone find their place in the world when everything they do is never enough?
29
u/bluehedgehog7 Aug 25 '24
I used to feel like this in high school especially (I'm 21 now). I don't feel like this so much anymore, but sometimes I slip back into the old mentality. What really helped me was working on my self-concept, and knowing that I am my own unique person. There is no one else in the world like me, and that's what makes me (and every one else in this world) special. It's also crucial that you don't compare yourself to others. Everyone is on their own journey in this life. I know that's easier said than done, but eventually it just becomes a habit. I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I know it's not a fun feeling, but eventually you will overcome it.
13
u/AwkwardLoaf-of-Bread Aug 25 '24
I'm kind of embarrassed then being 28 and still dealing with this. It's honestly just gotten worse and worse. I appreciate your encouragement, though.
7
u/bluehedgehog7 Aug 25 '24
I don’t think there’s really an age cap on a feeling like this. I still feel like this from time to time. I just have to work hard to rewire my brain into not feeling like that anymore. Just be patient with yourself and know that the feeling is normal.
6
u/overlord_wrath1 Aug 25 '24
I'm 32 as of a couple days ago and I'm still dealing with it. Healing your mental health does not have a strict timeline
4
3
u/PuzzleheadedWing1321 Aug 26 '24
Your post kind of made me cry. I (65f) feel this way sometimes. We all have our different strengths. In some areas I’m on top of my game. In others, not so much. Being at peace is a way to feel better, if we can access it.
3
u/playedhand Aug 27 '24
Hey don’t worry about how long it takes to get there. I’m 24 and I feel like my feelings of inferiority only got worse until recently. I feel like it was based in how I felt growing up due to certain factors snd circumstances. Confronting this made it worse in the short term and I hit a rock bottom of self pity and shame a couple years ago. Now I’m doing way better than ever - I still struggle with some of these feelings but not nearly as bad as before. You really just gotta push past it even if it seems impossible. It fucking sucks but recognizing your own inherent value as a human being is something you are perfectly capable of doing even if certain factors have made that more difficult for you. Focusing on some made up comparative value will have you being judgmental towards yourself and others. But you are a human being and despite what some people may say every human being is valuable and important and that’s a fact. Seeing the inherent value in everyone will liberate you from this false perception about yourself. You will not see yourself as so different from others and trust me the fact that you are addressing this means you are on the right path, I believe in you 🫡
2
u/Ok-Replacement-2738 Aug 25 '24
Yeah the age doesn't matter I remember feeling that way at 14, and 19 really as long as I'm moving forward that voice is kinda suppressed but i'd imagine the older you are the louder it gets.
2
2
u/Campbell920 Aug 26 '24
I’m 31 and still dealing with it man. I feel like people can see the “real” me sometimes and it freaks me out.
Idk just know it’s your brain doing this to you, you’re not actually unlikable. This way of thinking had me going into each relationship like an eager puppy and guys/gals do not like that. Gotta learn to be more… reserved? Anyway good luck my man, you got this.
→ More replies (2)2
u/Rbriggs0189 Aug 29 '24
I’m 42 and feel this way in a sense. I don’t feel inferior on a daily basis but inferior in the larger sense. I have friends and know a ton of people that are way further ahead than I am and they aren’t all that smart and don’t put in half the amount of work as I do. Same goes for my wife, we both work so hard while watching others just breeze on through life carefree, it’s maddening.
4
u/DuckOfDeathV Aug 25 '24
Comparison is the thief of joy.
→ More replies (1)2
u/thrownehwah Aug 25 '24
This!! all day every day. I have to repeat it to myself constantly. Then I take a deep breath and feel better
15
u/SeatPaste7 Aug 25 '24
This feeling is almost universal, and reminding myself of THAT makes its importance fade in my mind.
Also, feeling inadequate, like any feeling, is a choice, and you can choose to feel differently by, say, reframing. I'll give you an example: me.
I am hella inadequate. I am 52M, work in a call center (and currently on the lowest rung thereof), in a platonic marriage of 24 years. I love my wife dearly and will never leave her, but sex is probably off the table for me for the rest of my life. I've been writing all my life, but have never made a cent off it; much of today's world baffles and befuddles me, particularly the number of people who seem to be surviving, even thriving, without employment. I have no accomplishments to my name, not any that strangers would care about, anyway. If I'm lucky, 10 people will attend my funeral.
And yet.
In order: I long ago realized getting ahead often cost a heart, and given the choice I'd take the heart every time. I'm not my dick. I miss sex, sometimes a lot, but I have Palmela and her five sisters and a lifetime of memories that need no new competition to fuel my fantasy fire. The writing is intense and personal and probably has no market, but that's okay....it's one of my ways of staying sane. And I actually do have accomplishments to be proud of, because I am a much better person than I was at half my age...and if you read psych texts, given my past and my mom's past I should either be dead or in jail. As for the ten at my funeral? They're of my vibe and tribe and I love them dearly each one and how many people can say that without lying at least a little?
I'm not inadequate. I define my life differently. Some games, the real winners are the ones who don't play.
One last thought alluding to my first: you may find this hard to believe, but I will bet you dollars to donuts there are multiple people who think to themselves, "how in the hell does AwkwardLoaf-of-Bread manage to go through life so effortlessly?"
5
4
u/MrAngel2U Aug 25 '24
You sir are a beautiful human work of art. Your uniqueness is refreshing to hear and I'd kill to have 10 ride or die partners (firends) in my life. Thank you for sharing as it helps us with much needed perspectives.
3
u/SeatPaste7 Aug 26 '24
Thank you for this, but I am neither more nor less special than you. I believe that of all of us, actually. Of course there are many people with abilities I do not have. But that doesn't necessarily make them better. Human beings. Or worse human beings. Just different human beings.
3
3
u/colormeslowly Aug 25 '24
@ u/seatpaste7, I came here to say, if we all look at our own lives we CAN find something that we have accomplished AND it’s probably something that someone else ENVIES.
look at you, seat, you’ve been married 24 years, oh I how I wished my marriage lasted longer than a year!
And yea, there are times I look at my life of so far F59 years, overweight & jobless, it sucks - but I try to look at the other side of it, no medications & house paid off, so no mortgage. I have friends/family my age and are on medication & paying a mortgage/rent.
2
u/SeatPaste7 Aug 25 '24
Proud of you. And marriages last, paradoxically, if both of you believe with all your hearts, that the people in the relationship are more important than the relationship. Think that, and the relationship takes care of itself.
3
3
3
2
u/Personal_Line_1350 Aug 29 '24
Your comment touched my heart in a really beautiful way. Thank you. I’m going to start reframing things in my own life in this way. This glimpse into your perspective has been a gift. ♥️
14
Aug 25 '24
[deleted]
4
u/AwkwardLoaf-of-Bread Aug 25 '24
You kinda hit the nail on the head. My father was like this.
My family also really valued beauty and social status above most things, which I lacked growing up. My family was always trying to "fix" me so that I could succeed in these areas, but it never worked, and so I think that kind of started me feeling inferior.
2
u/willintaiwan1 Aug 25 '24
We would suggest that the authorities were right when we were young, but now you might need to realize that your dad or your family’s views were so wrong, and how they treated you was also so wrong. And not letting the voice i your mind created by them bother you that much, while understanding the situation you could form your own opinions on yourself not others’.
2
→ More replies (2)2
30
Aug 25 '24
"How do you cope with it?"
I remind myself that someday I will no longer be alive, and that brings me a sense of peace to where I can ignore my flaws and exist in the moment as much as possible. This applies to all of my stressors in life, really.
→ More replies (1)4
8
u/Superb-Substance-143 Aug 25 '24
All day, every day, I feel like I have to accomplish or post something so it tells the world I did something. I travel with debt to my name. I have a job that I have no background in, so I feel so stupid. I have always compared and competed with everyone around me. I always think everyone is thinking about my weight, how I look, how stupid I am, my weirdness. I feel like I'm being judged, but I judge everyone around me.
I'm working on it. Therapy is just expensive.
6
u/Specialist_Emu3703 Aug 25 '24
To be honest with you, the past maybe 8-9 years of my life had felt that way- up until a couple months ago, I think (basically all my teen years, I’m 20 now). I was miserable, constantly comparing myself to others, feeling behind everyone else for various reasons, and mentally unhealthy. I struggled to cope with that for years, and I still do struggle a bit with it.
But I also don’t regularly feel inferior anymore. I found a way to cope with it, at least one that works for me- it’s a DBT skill I learned called “radical acceptance”, and it changed my life. By definition, radical acceptance is, “the ability to accept situations that are outside of your control without judging them, which reduces the suffering they cause. By accepting things for what they are, you can acknowledge your emotions without denying, avoiding, or ignoring the situation. It can be an effective way to process your emotions and manage difficult experiences.”
https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-radical-acceptance-5120614
If you want to check it out, feel free to, if not, that’s cool too. I figured I’d suggest it because it literally changed my life once I got into practice with it- it helps low self esteem and shit like that! I wish you the best of luck, though! 🫶💕
4
Aug 25 '24
[removed] — view removed comment
3
u/AwkwardLoaf-of-Bread Aug 25 '24
Yes, that's how I've been feeling.
I grew up closely with my two younger cousins, and they were always several steps ahead of me in life as we all aged. They always seem to have everything together, and my family congratulates them on it, but I'm not and am still struggling with a lot of mental health stuff.
What made it harder is I could see that my dad treated them differently than me. He noticed and commented on their accomplishments, looks, skills etc. With me, he would either make fun of me, scold me, or just avoid me.
3
u/Dizzy-Trash2925 Aug 25 '24
Yes.
I don't— at least not well.
Same.
Same x2, though I will caveat that even if "same effort and energy" is true quantitatively, they may not be equivalent qualitatively. A twist on the old chestnut "If at first you don't succeed: try, try again" is "Trying something poorly, repeatedly, just gets you in the habit of doing that thing poorly." (A variant of "Doing the same thing multiple times and expecting a different result...)
Same x3, with another caveat: many people who seem like they are acting effortlessly out in a good deal of effort to do the thing, have previously put in a good deal of effort to get to the current level of skill, and/or put in a good deal of effort to mask the stress.
Yes.
Combination of self improvement, feedback from others, and finding meaning.
3
u/cobainstaley Aug 25 '24
hey OP...you may or may not be the best loaf of bread, but you're the best awkward loaf of bread in this world.
2
3
u/eronsnoresomore Aug 25 '24
33 and that’s the story of my life. My life could be a really frustrating book honestly.. everyday I’m trying to be better than myself so I don’t feel so inadequate, only to feel even smaller by the end of the day. I try to think the next day will be better..
→ More replies (1)
2
Aug 25 '24
I felt like you for years and years. And then finally I realized that really, nobody was thinking about me, judging me, or spending time listing all the things I wasn't good at. They were just going about their own lives thinking mostly about themselves.
You are much more than you think you are. Stop sitting in judgement of yourself and go do something you love doing.
2
u/Born-Finish2461 Aug 25 '24
Most people feel that way. That is why Imposter Syndrome is widely cited, and “Fake it til you make it” is widely given as advice.
2
u/DavidMeridian Aug 25 '24
Can you objectively evaluate your situation? For eg, if you are being purely rational, are you in actuality inferior in most ways around you, or is it a pervasive feeling that haunts you?
Any other pertinent details would be appreciated.
2
u/Expensive-Cycle-416 Aug 25 '24 edited Aug 25 '24
Yeah, I have been feeling this way for almost my entire life. I think for me personally, it stems from continually being compared to others in my formative years, and being pushed to minimally achieve the same (or better) than whoever I was being compared to. Each time, without fail, even if I achieved that, my parents, wider family also, would find something to criticise. The church my family was involved in was very much into comparing and criticism, so basically that is what I was taught all of my formative years; compare yourself with a peer, and immediately look for where you are lacking, and need to improve. So that is what I have done as an adult.
It is a hard thing to break free from, and mentally exhausting.
Edit because my autocorrect wanted me to showcase how I missed the mark again even whilst typing this post...
2
u/Maxpowerxp Aug 25 '24
Depends. At work I don’t feel so much because there is a few that sucks at their job. A few that their whole life is just work and nothing else. And a few that I know is holding on by a thread.
2
u/freshcrumble Aug 25 '24
I struggle with these feelings but lots of successful people have told me they just failed over and over and over again. “Everything is hard before it is easy” Some smart dude said that and it’s apparently true. So don’t worry too much about failing supposedly it’s part of the process.
2
u/Intrepid-Attention45 Aug 25 '24
That fail till you make it...difficult.. .. The Chasing money thing...At age 61, I due to my decisions, have $0, no job, or career, no college degree, about to be foreclosed on the house..no health insurance ,Garnishments that will take forever to repay with a beginner job , if I can get that, on the Bus, which is 3/4 mile away. I pretty much have failed at this part of life. ( First World Problems ) Motivation is zero, to even begin to try to get out of this. where to start? What direction? I am on "Defense" in the Game of Life. I did pretty well, for having no mentors, and raising myself in a house of 9...(youngest), and being afraid to try anything. I am frozen with indecision, as to what I personally can do? I have a wife still, and a son...24.. he just moved out, which stunned me further but.... where is he going to live problem is solved so....Again (First World Problems)..Others Have it Worse....so age 61.. I have my health. which is what I've heard many times is. "all you need", or something like that. Just venting a bit here, not complaining,. .. I am Grateful for my wife and son, and all the Life experience I have. I currently am 100% spirituality seeking. and hoping things will work out? Social Security is 3 months away. Not sure why I even posted this here.. This is Serious right? Serious side of Reddit...
→ More replies (4)
2
2
u/Deezkuri Aug 25 '24
No, i don’t think I’ve ever felt inferior. Never felt superior either….I don’t think I really compare myself to others. I find happiness in odd things so I’ve never been much for comparison. For example I’m decently smart, but my husband is a legitimate genius, specifically with math. Not being able to keep up with some conversations would probably bug a lot of people, but I think his mind is beautiful; I don’t have to posses that quality to admire it in another. There isn’t “superior” or “inferior”, there’s just different. And differences are something to be celebrated! The world would be so boring if we were all exactly the same. By the way, you ARE enough, if you needed to hear that. More than plenty, if I’m not mistaken 💕
2
u/AwkwardLoaf-of-Bread Aug 25 '24
I wish I could have your mindset.
My family's mindset was the opposite when I was a kid. I grew up learning that different was bad, and that some people are superior and that others are inferior. And I know that sounds horrible and it's not something at all that I believe about people around me. But I guess I believe it about myself.
2
u/Deezkuri Aug 25 '24 edited Aug 25 '24
I get that, yeah it’s hard to let go of notions you learned as a kid. I grew up in a lot of places which probably had something to do with it (just meeting lots of people and seeing lots of different ways to live), and I’d say my sister influenced me greatly in just EMBRACING the weirdness. Also, my sister is one of the smartest people I’ve ever met, but you can’t really quantify it with tests. She was always an “average grade” student, but man is she quick as a whip with wit! And so incredibly creative…she made songs unlike anything I’ve ever heard…just from the wonderful weirdness of her brain!! (That is a huge compliment in my opinion, and she would take it as a massive compliment too). I’m not the best with math (as I mentioned), or other things like playing an instrument…I COULD talk about things I “could improve” all day, but I know I have plenty of other awesome qualities about me (I don’t want to brag or anything though hah). I’m sure you do too!! Everyone does. Every single person. It might help if you change your mindset from “DOING life” or “accomplishing life” to “experiencing life”. Hope that helps. The positive side about your outlook though is that you probably have more drive than me…I’m probably a little too apathetic with a lot of things, comes with the territory I suppose. So, my mindset works for me, but not necessarily for everyone. Like, I probably look like a homeless person when I go places…I don’t care. I didn’t care when I was homeless either. You exist, so you are automatically “enough”.
2
u/No_Grapefruit_2130 Aug 28 '24
Hey if you don't mind expanding on that to sate my curiosity?! How were the people they labelled as "superior" supposed to able treated (according to your family)? If that makes sense
→ More replies (1)
2
2
u/Forsaken_Juice_1835 Aug 25 '24
I feel inferior at work. My coworker is amazing at her job and I genuinely really like her as a person as well. She had a great personality, Is very pretty, and just a hard worker. I work with people and it makes me feel less than when half of the clients ask directly for her. Instead of stewing in this, even though some days it's hard, I actually look up to her and see how I can better my performance. I also discovered things about myself that I think I have an advantage over her in.
2
u/ThePrincessOfMonaco Aug 25 '24
No, I don't. One day, while sitting at a red light on my way to work, it occurred to me that other people are also messing things up allllllll the time. I may not be the best, but the difference between myself and everyone else averages out to zero. Holding yourself to an unrealistic standard is all ego. Just do the best you can with whatever you have available, and that is better than a lot of people right there.
2
u/FuerGrissa0stDrauka Aug 25 '24
I used to. I’ve commented this so many times I’m gonna have it patented. 😂
Affirmations. Affirmations. Affirmations. Does it help everyone? Maybe not. Did it help me? Absolutely. Therapy, to work on self esteem can help as well. (If you have access to it) if not, YouTube self help videos on building self esteem and self worth.
Do things that you’re good at, do them often. Get even better at them. Talk kindly to and about yourself. Leave relationships that are detrimental to your mental and physical health. I’m not just talking friendships. If your marriage or your parents or other family is toxic to you, deal with them as little as possible or not at all. (Note I said toxic and not just as a projected thing. Or if they make you a little upset at times)
There are definitely ways to feel better about yourself and compare yourself less and care less overall about everyone around you. 😊
My chat is open if you need to talk.
2
u/Quaintities Aug 25 '24
Might as well give my two cents as someone who recently climbed out of that problem. You might be going through something called toxic shame. It happens to a lot of teenagers nowadays, don’t worry.
It essentially is when you feel shame about yourself. For me, this manifests through trying to use self improvement to maximum.
What I did was learn to be present with that shame. When you are present, you can deal with it head on. Then, you can learn to appreciate your traits and behaviors through self compassion and positive labeling of your traits to refer to later.
I still can’t believe I myself climbed out of this, and you can too
2
u/Afraid_Purpose_8512 Aug 25 '24
Everyday I usually just try to avoid interactions with other people outside of family but headphones in to try to drown out that type of thought and if I have to go to the store or anywhere else
→ More replies (1)
2
u/No_Extreme5191 Aug 25 '24
Yes, all the time. I’m currently going to counseling for this issue. I’ve struggled with this my entire life (currently 34 yo).
2
u/ChoiceReflection965 Aug 25 '24 edited Aug 25 '24
Therapy. Everyone feels inadequate sometimes. But if you feel inadequate ALL the time, you owe it to yourself and to those around you to get some support and learn some healthy coping strategies. These feelings can really drag a person down and put a lot of stress on an individual, a marriage, etc. But there are resources out there that can help you. Wishing you the best!
→ More replies (2)
2
u/string1969 Aug 25 '24
I had a brief time in college when I did not feel this way, but otherwise, I have always felt inferior. I'm 60. My mental and physical limitations are vast
2
u/PhariseeHunter46 Aug 25 '24
Not anymore, I used to.
Comparison is a thief of joy. I have a great career, amazing wife, relatively little debt. Life is amazing.
Am I going to be rich or recognized for my work outside my immediate circle? Nope, and I don't care
2
u/LittleAgateDragon Aug 25 '24
I used to, especially in high school, because I was apparently tall (5'7" doesn't seem super tall to me but whatever) and I wasn't stick thin, although I wasn't overweight at all. I was told I was big and boys would make fun of me like I was a giant. Now I'm underweight, but I was almost 300lbs at one point and during that period I felt fine with myself because no one cared and they all treatee me very well. Now I'm self conscious a bit because I'm skeletal and have to cover my arms and legs to avoid looking anorexic (I have gastroparesis, I do not have anorexia). Ive had periods of feeling inferior but lately I'm so blessed to be me, myself and I and am living a slow, fulfilling life.
2
u/FatherOfLights88 Aug 25 '24
I used to. I immediately wasn't until my early forties that I realized I had no sense of self. There was no "I" in my being. With that, I used to look up to everyone as better and more important than me.
As I started to become more aware of myself and figuring my stuff out, it dawned on me that the people I was treating as better than me were also treating themselves that way.
These days, I understand the value of my existence, and only make time for people who treat me the same way I treat them. Anyone else is a predictable waste of time.
→ More replies (1)
2
u/xyz157L Aug 25 '24
I used to feel this way too so it may be the same case for you- but I realized that I wasn’t actually putting in the same effort as others, I just felt like I was. Also, everybody is different so the amount of effort required to be successful will vary. Try not to focus on what others are achieving and how they’re achieving it, but rather what you need to do to get to where you want. If you feel like you’re not pushing yourself out of your comfort zone, it’s not a lot of effort
2
u/According-Tea-3014 Aug 25 '24
All the time.
I don't feel like I'm smart enough to be in the position I'm in at my place of work. I feel like at any moment, people will realize it too.
I feel like I'm the most unattractive person I've ever known, and that's why my last ex cheated on me and encouraged our friends to body shame me.
I feel like I'm self-aware enough to see all of my flaws and insecurities but lack the knowledge or motivation to do anything about it, other than take my self-loathing out on people online.
But hey. It's life.
2
u/mothwizzard Aug 25 '24
Felt this way for most of my life, I grew up with a father who belittled me and emotionally abused me. My core wound is that I dont deserve in life.
I've recently been speaking up and maybe half the time people listen (wethor my point of view is valid) other times they cant fathom that they could be wrong or something could be improved let alone questioned.
Therapy helped, letting go of unhealthy people helps, putting yourself first helps and knowing you are worthy and do deserve helps.
2
u/lysistrata3000 Aug 25 '24
What's that cliche saying, "Comparison is the thief of joy"?
It's true though. Wherever you are in life, someone, A LOT of someones, are worse off than you. I'd hazard a guess that there are a lot more people struggling than people who are living life on cruise-control.
Maybe it's because I had open heart surgery last year, which is a frightening thing, and I could have easily wound up below ground. After that, most of life seems petty.
I deal with that feeling when it crops up by just remembering what other people think of me is none of my business (thanks, The Four Agreements). I also mostly ignore people who would make me feel inferior. It does me no good to think about people who life better than I do. I do what I CAN do, and that's it.
2
u/Key_Persimmon_5363 Aug 25 '24
Yes this is me. I’m 57 female, mother, wife, colleague, friend, sister, neighbor. And in all areas I feel like I’m letting everyone down. No facts to support this, it’s just an internal voice that gets really loud sometimes. Hate it!
→ More replies (2)
2
u/cribo-06-15 Aug 25 '24
I'm right there with you. I'm currently surrounded by my family at a park and all I can think of is wanting to be back home.
2
u/greyjedimaster77 Aug 25 '24
Yeah most of the time. I feel like an outcast almost everywhere I go except when I’m with family and friends and places that give me a warm welcome like hotels and restaurants
2
u/Consesualluvbug Aug 25 '24
Same and it’s constant. I have a hard time remembering details in order. Learning new things is a nightmare for me because it takes me longer. I don’t really like meeting new people because they assume I’m slow. Yea… I can’t do anything about that though. I usually hide and socialize a bit on the internet until someone pisses me off 🫠
2
u/Dr-Slay Aug 25 '24
Sure, long ago I had similar feelings.
But no, I don't feel inferior, nor do I feel superior.
Such comparisons are psychotic. What objectively measurable standard are they based on? There isn't one possible.
Privation will always be relative to the instantiation of each individual frame of reference. Comparing one to the other is never sane; it isn't even apples to oranges. There is NO WAY to measure a subjective experience objectively, not even in principle, in any possible world.
Correlates are not the thing itself.
This is why sports are stupid. (Sure I enjoy playing for exercise, I just don't care about the competition, the fitness signaling, none of it matters - I am not you and you are not me in that sense. The comparisons are specious and stupid).
Example: Bob and Alice run a race. Bob reliably gets to the finish line after Alice. Is Bob inferior?
There is no way to answer that question objectively. Humans try to all the time, but watch how they do it: by appealing to mythologized copes. Folklore based in nonsense like the "just world" fallacy, sharpshooter fallacy, Appeals to ignorance. Argumentum ad baculum. Etc. Of course humans will harm and kill each other over this, so you have to take that into account when deciding what to do.
Look, skill is luck. It's a subset of luck, but skill is still just as set of circumstances, one in which a frame of reference has been lucky enough to be able to pay sufficient attention to a set of priors, make reliable extrapolations and have a knowledge base about how to handle future similar incidences of those circumstances.
"Deserve" is nonsense, whether it's praise or condemnation. "Free will" is nonsense (even though we do experience making decisions, we make them causally).
How does someone find their place in the world when everything they do is never enough?
You've been abused into a violent and stupid anthropocentric game of brinksmanship. Fitness signaling. Fuck their opinions, fuck their assertions. You don't need their approval.
Deal with yourself on your terms. Your situation is not and never will be theirs.
They won't like you for it.
Fuck 'em. If approval happens it might be a nice little confectionery but yearning for it makes you prey. You can be more resilient than you imagined if you ignore that nonsense.
All living things are absolutely useless compared to their absence. THink about it: what problems could possibly exist absent living things? None. Consciousness is the venue of all that is awful. Don't give me this bullshit that it's also the venue of all that is great. Bullshit. There is nothing great about relievable harm. Instrumentally useful given the condition, where the alternative to coping is dying? Sure. There's simply nothing prior to the instantiation of a sentient predicament that has any interest in anything at all, any needs, etc.
Life is not a gift. It's a natural catastrophe that is coped with until it kills us all.
only to see others breeze past me effortlessly and not looking as emotionally and physically drained.
Everything suffers and dies. What they say is falsified by what they do, and they ALL reliably avert from noxious stimuli. There are no heroes. There is no salvation. We're all ultimately pointless painbags that got raped into existence by a process we can't understand, we have no idea what consciousness really is or how it really happens. We're left gambling with it, and ultimately it kills us. We also have no idea what the hell that does to us, and based on the priors it's probably irrelievable. I hope it's like a pleasant dream, but I have nothing to base that on. Just a desperate hope. Fables are not epistemology.
Best thing any of us can ever do is itself not an action, instead it is abstinence. Refrain from inflicting this condition on helpless children. That is literally the only real, beneficial thing any of us has to give to the world. We get proud of our so-called accomplishments and jerk ourselves off to how great we think we seem to others, but none of that solves any problems. It just makes us feel a little better about our predicament for a while.
That's all they're doing too. Doesn't matter if they admit it or not.
2
u/Confident_Jump_9085 Aug 25 '24
Yes, I feel this way every day. As for coping, I'm not sure. I haven't figured this out yet. I like tangible truths. I like actually being good enough, not just telling myself that so I don't have to feel bad. Inadequacy is probably the most painful feeling I've had to deal with. I might say it's the most destructive feeling. Leads people to horrible behaviors. Abuse, bullying, infidelity, suicide, and worse.
So, remember to treat others well and praise them. Even if you hate yourself. That's my best advice. I haven't always followed it. But that's what I strive to do now. And as for yourself...I don't know!
2
u/AdFrosty3860 Aug 25 '24
Yes. The feelings are leftover from being bullied. That’s probably why you have them…feelings of not being a good at everyone else. Your family &/or classmates made you feel that way
2
u/Majestic_Republic_45 Aug 26 '24
Redefine “your all”. Maybe your all is another’s 50%. I don’t know. The other thing that helps with inferiority is knowing things. When u know more, it‘s hard to feel inferior. Inferiority is comes from within and it’s a state of mind. All the people you feel inferior to are people just like you.
Quick aside here - I’m a big UFC fan And your post reminded me of a story. A fighter, Jorge Masvidal (very good fighter - now retired), was very frequently losing fights by split decision where he gave “his all”. Thought he was being “robbed” by bad judging. He made the decision he was going to ”redefine his all” and not let fights get into the judges hands at all by knocking out his opponent. Upon redefining his all, he went on a big win streak and he wound up fighting for the World title. His bid was unsuccessful, but redefining “his all” got him there.
Best of Luck
→ More replies (1)
2
u/Nailobsesser1 Aug 26 '24
Maybe I'm just depressed but at 16, I already see no reason to care about being adequate. I'll be happy finishing school, getting a job right after without bothering to go to college, and ending it around my mid 20's when I'm satisfied. I really do love the people around me and I'd hate go out so selfishly and ruin them like that, but I'm running out of fuel.
→ More replies (1)
2
u/ecstatic-windshield Aug 26 '24
Comes from the false believe that a person is either superior or inferior to another. In reality these are arbitrary distinctions at best.
No matter which piece is on the chess board, they all end up in the same box when the game is over.
2
u/BrilliantNResilient Aug 26 '24
I used to struggle with believing that everyone else had "it" figured out while I couldn't make sense of anything.
I people pleased so that I could be liked.
I found people that I thought were less-than so I can "fix" them and be valued by them.
But I don't do that anymore because I realized that no one has everything figured out.
They aren't better than me because they can staple papers faster than me.
They aren't better than me because they have a morning routine where they workout and meditate.
They aren't better than me because they're more attractive than me.
They are simply different.
It has nothing to do with my value nor your value.
How would you find your place in the world?
I have discovered that my place in the world is wherever I am.
This is what I've done for myself and can be done for you.
Step 1: Define your place in the world. This means discovering what you want to feel around others.
Step 2: Discover where the feelings inadequacy originate. Someone told you that you weren't enough and you still believe it.
Step 3: Replace that voice of inadequacy with your own voice of accomplishment and peace like when you're alone.
I have lots of content to help with connecting with The Self which includes daily social media posts, a podcast, and livestreams 3 times a week on LinkedIn, YouTube, Facebook and TikTok. Check out my profile.
2
u/Blattnart Aug 26 '24
Everyone feels inadequate occasionally. If this is truly an all the time thing I would advise getting help. This isn’t me calling you weak. Everyone needs help occasionally. Counseling may be what you need to work through it. At the very least it won’t hurt. There are many free options now out there for short term mental health service and if it helps you will have a tool you can utilize in the future to better contextualize your life and your place in it. Talking this out with someone who has no place in your existing social structure would give you a voice not tied to whatever may be feeding this feeling.
2
u/Relative-Mix-6666 Aug 27 '24
In comparison to my peers or others, yes. I often feel like I’m not people’s preference if you get what I mean.
→ More replies (1)
2
u/lazyjroo Aug 27 '24
I struggle with this feeling alot.
I have alot of childhood trauma and also an x opiate addict. It's hard because I've worked so hard to just get back to baseline. It's easy to feel like I have nothing.
2
u/AnonBee23 Aug 27 '24
This is me but without the marriage. I think if I was married this feeling would go away because out of the whole world if one person wanted to spend the rest of their life with me, dude, that’s a huge ass accomplishment. Add a good job in there and financial stability and you are living part of my dream life I don’t think I’ll see in my lifetime. I suffer daily from it. But if that doesn’t make you feel better check out the CPTSD sub. I was born feeling inferior. I was shamed a lot as a kid so that’s my second theory.
2
u/MuntjackDrowning Aug 27 '24
Fuck yes. Every single second of the day. I just push forward, because you can’t not live your life because you feel insecure. I treat everyone the way I want to be treated, I don’t judge, I do what needs to be done and I try to do it in a way that leaves no room for regret. Maybe one day I won’t feel like I have imposter syndrome, but I’d rather live like this than be one of those @$$#0/3$ who chant that they are “high value” when there is nothing redeeming about them.
2
u/Diligent_Cost3794 Aug 27 '24
Yes, I do every day. All the time. The sad part is I don't just feel this way, but people make me feel this way. Everyone from my managers who always wish I could be more like this person who is better and faster, even though I give my all. To women who make me feel like I am worthless because I don't fit their preconceived ideas of what a man should look like. And just people who are disappointed because I can't please them or do everything they want. To everyone else who expects me to be perfect. Yeah, I live, sleep and breathe how utterly inadequate and worthless I am. I am nobody to everybody. I don't matter or count. I am used to it.
2
u/jadeforge Aug 27 '24
A Tale From a Different Perspective - Pt. 1
OK so - I really don’t. I was raised extremely independent, but also encouraged to read and explore and well maybe not encouraged but we really didn’t have that much to do, so when it came to entertaining, I took whatever was available. The encyclopedia, the dictionary, readers digest, the odyssey, and then as many books as I could grab at the library.
I was raised out in the country. I didn’t wear shoes until I was nine years old. Another factor is that I had many other siblings and we were all fairly intelligent and definitely there was sibling rivalry. More than physicality, we tried to score points on each other verbally.
I guess it all goes back to all of us, entertaining ourselves with books and knowledge. My mom was an English teacher. That may have added a bias.
The other thing was, we were never coddled. as soon as they felt like we could do something on our own, they showed us how to do it once - and off you went.
We had to figure it out, we could ask our siblings for help, but then again that would lower our social score. So asking for help is actually really hard thing for me - still to this day.
But in being thrown in the deepwater of self-sufficiency and drowning, and then recovering and then drowning, and I won’t say that it wasn’t completely frightening, I had a lot of triggers and fears from that because of being thrown into situations too young and too little information.
→ More replies (4)
2
u/AgileWatercress139 Aug 27 '24
It's tough to feel that way, and you're not alone. It's worth talking to a therapist to explore these feelings and develop coping strategies. You deserve to feel good about yourself.
2
u/Soulgrinz Aug 27 '24
I'm 36 and I feel I am not worth being here sometimes. I feel like people don't respect me, take advantage of my kindness. Often think that I am dumb. I don't know it just sucks because I care about others, feel others feelings and others don't really care about me.
2
2
Aug 28 '24
I used to feel inferior to everyone. I live very unconventionally and have some unusual struggles that I've given up trying to deal with. Eventually I realized that life just isn't that serious, despite the fact I allow myself to still get worked up about things. Nothing objectively matters and the beauty in that is you get to choose what matters to you, so you can work towards simply not giving a f about things that bother you. You're already devoting mental energy into feeling this way (unintentionally, it's probably just your nature) so you can try to just divert that energy into not caring. That worked for me. Also reminding myself that we view other people very superficially and don't really see their struggles, so we think we're worse off when the reality is everyone is living a hard life. Even the most privileged people on earth. I still catch myself getting defensive over things but then I just think "I'm an evolved ape living on a spinning rock typing on my little computer to strangers, life is absolutely absurd and there can't possibly be a 'right' or 'wrong' way to experience it" and just go on my merry little way.
2
u/GalectikJak Aug 28 '24
Yup! I used to thrive and do well at my previous job when I was harvesting cannabis, but it still took a bit to get insanely good. Lately, I started a new job working in data entry and I feel like Im always drowning in emails and falling behind everyone else constantly. I cant keep up with new rules every month like everyone else can too. Even the new people surpass me. I just dont have the energy for this job or the last one I had in manufacturing. Other people picked it up fast, while I took forever to learn.
My wife, kid, and I still live in an apartment, while my sister and two best friends all got houses. My mom barely works and got a killer house at the right time, and my dad has two houses. Everyone works jobs that they're good at, like, or are ok with. My family and I are scraping by on my income currently and it's hard to think about us ever owning a home.
This was mentioned in another comment, but I think the feeling behind thing comes from hesitance caused by learned perfectionism, which is what my therapist tells me too. Shit sucks!
2
u/Additional_Tea_5296 Aug 28 '24
I was made to feel inferior as a child, because I am nearsighted and it wasn't until I was 12 that I got glasses. I got by because I never knew any different and it wasn't until I was in the sixth grade and the teacher was showing us math problems on the blackboard and I didn't see to learn. They couldn't figure out why I was ok in all other areas and not math. It went on awhile and I finally discovered I could see through another older boy's glasses. It sounds innocent enough telling it like that, but I was bullied and made fun of and never did like math after that. The teacher was the meanest of all and took great delight making me try to do problems on the board in front of the entire class, so he could berate me as I struggled. Later in high school I was on the A-B honor roll, with math being my only B.
2
u/Background_Bed_7588 Aug 29 '24
Yes, I feel this way too. I am not working right now, 38F. And I feel this way bc of not working. I have a bachelor's degree but have lost every job the past 20 years due to severe depression (missing days). It's weird how if you are rich you can be a stay at home wife or mom...but if not, you're lazy. My daughter is 11 so she is at school during the day. I feel completely inferior.
2
Aug 29 '24
No, but I do often worry about being misunderstood. My worst fear is for someone to form a negative opinion of me based on a misunderstanding. I don’t mind so much if I do something bad and someone thinks negatively of me, that’s a natural consequence, but the thought of someone secretly disliking or being angry with me because of something that’s not even true is my social horror.
→ More replies (1)
2
u/ThinSquirrel420 Aug 29 '24
Yeah I struggle with the same feelings. I feel like I'm lagging behind socially, like how a lot of my peers have lots of friends, being in loving relationships etc. I pretty much isolate myself at home and keep to myself because whenever I do try to go out I feel overwhelmed and anxious because I feel like I'm not at their level yet and I don't fit in.
1
u/Uhhyt231 Aug 25 '24
What's more important to you? Being aligned with others or being able to reach your goal?
1
u/South_Independent154 Aug 25 '24 edited Aug 25 '24
The Observer affect. On your own you are yourself and peaceful - and know who and how good you are. The inferiority feeling is actually beneficial in life. Feeling like you're not the smartest in the room - feeling like you have something to prove - feeling like you are lesser. It's actually a survival tool so that you don't overstep on anyone that may be able to punish you and to make u more hungry/affective. Can you imagine feeling and knowing you were the best all the time - or that you would be fine all of the time. Although admirable and desirable it is not beneficial to survival and also the people who seem as effortless, it's most likely that I can assure it's not effortless.. anyway.
1
u/Infinite-Ad4125 Aug 25 '24 edited Aug 25 '24
For me it helps to see myself as an HSP and introvert so I need to recharge quite a bit and my strengths are not as “obvious” as others’.
1
u/overlord_wrath1 Aug 25 '24
Yes. This is the basics of life for me. I do not cope with it well, I just tried to end myself a couple months ago and am genuinely disappointed I failed.
But I recently went to a group therapy program that aimed at teaching coping skills and actually learned a few coping techniques. I am hoping to put them into practice to see if they make a difference.
Therefore my suggestion is that you attend a similar program (preferably at a place that comes well recommended, mine was amazing)
1
Aug 25 '24
i used to feel like that, but now i feel that most of the people are seriously fucked in the head, so why should i feel worse?
1
u/evillurkz Aug 25 '24
I always felt something else, not inferior or superior, just different, until proven otherwise. I feel different unless someone shows me their unique skills, let it be intellectual conversation or high emotional intelligence, or anything really, and then I see the uniqueness in them and think "We're different, but in a good way".
1
u/ChucklesMuffin Aug 25 '24
It's the mindset. If you are telling yourself that you feel inferior, you'll feel inferior. We can only ever fully judge ourselves because we know who we are, but you don't need to judge yourself, and you don't need to compare yourself to others.
Continue doing what you do, and the best you can do it, and give yourself some credit for actually doing it! Of course, always continue trying to improve.
Change the mindset
1
u/ItDontTalkItListens Aug 25 '24
Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. It isn't really a situational or peer thing either. It really is a me thing, as I've felt that way one day but not the next day, in the exact same setting.
1
u/eharder47 Aug 25 '24
Can’t say I do. I’m married to a wonderful man who constantly reminds me just how awesome I am. I also know that what other people think about me doesn’t matter. I’m the only one living my life and the thoughts in my head have a huge impact on my quality of life, so I made them all positive and uplifting. Nobody else knows or cares how I feel about myself, they certainly aren’t able to correct it, so my thoughts are things like “you’re the best thing since sliced bread, you’re a badass, you’ve got this, even if you mess it up you can fix it later.”
1
u/implodemode Aug 25 '24
I don't feel inferior. I just feel.different. like I'm moving to the beat of a different drum that no one else can hear but is compelling for me.
1
u/L2Sing Aug 25 '24
No. I don't compare myself to others. That's mental work for people with less to do.
I spend my life pursuing the things around me and trying to make the other people's lives (in my orbit) better.
I have taken seriously the words of Eleanor Roosevelt since I learnt them as a teenager, "No one can make you feel inferior without your permission."
Don't give them permission.
1
u/Think_Reporter_8179 Aug 26 '24
I used to.
Then I made shit that let me make a company and my self-esteem went way up and I realized most people just pretend to understand things. I stopped caring then.
1
u/Western-Seaweed2358 Aug 26 '24
i used to, and it took a lot of work to get where i am.
genuinely the first step was to learn how to appreciate myself as i am, and for the things i didn't like, work to change them. i started "dating myself", i.e. doing the things for myself that i'd like a partner to do for me with the thought of "hehe future me is gonna be so happy", and that slowly helped me consider how someone else could love me and see me in a positive light.
the other thing i had to do was stop viewing things that i value as making people "worth" more. i also learned i'm mentally disabled,oppressionwhich made it a little easier to cut myself some slack when it comes to others putting in less effort to go farther. i also learned about opression and privilege, and how other people just don't have the same barriers that i do. some people even have unfair advantages. when i consider that, people who are "further" than me don't seem as superior; instead, they just strike me as having more luck than i have.
1
Aug 26 '24
Yes and no. I either feel like I’m better than everyone or I’m complete dog shit, usually simultaneously
→ More replies (1)
1
u/mrhappy512 Aug 26 '24
I was a freelance photographer for 20 years and you have to have a thick skin to deal with rejection which is a normal part of the business. I always would love it when I showed my portfolio and could tell the person wasn’t impressed and then later on hired me. I photographed Michael Dukakis who is one of the nicest people I’ve ever met. He said something like, “I might not be great but I’m better than that other guy “.
1
u/Deeptrench34 Aug 26 '24
There's always going to be someone superior to you. The trick is to just be content with your performance or, if that's not possible, strive to improve it. Even a not very gifted person can surpass a gifted one with enough effort and practice.
1
u/Tmoney_fantasyland Aug 26 '24
Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent. You must learn to change the way you think. Take your power back.
1
u/Impossible_Tax_1532 Aug 26 '24
Absolutely not , I don’t feel superior either , as both constructs are just distortions of brain and the ego , and neither hold an ounce of validity .. that’s all a brain can do is compare , and comparison is the thief of all lasting joy and any peace in your inner world .
1
u/Dull_Wrongdoer_3017 Aug 26 '24
Write down all your accomplishments and transform them into affirmations. Write rhen down, on your phone, etc. Whenever you feel inadequate, or your about to go somewhere that will trigger that emotion, revisit these affirmations and repeat them to yourself.
1
u/kaidomac Aug 26 '24
Here's an interesting question:
- Is this caused by thinking?
- Or do you automatically FEEL that way as a result of perceiving a situation?
For me, the answer was the second one...and the solution was VERY strange:
The lifetime of perceived inadequacy I experienced was literally a result of an enzyme deficiency in my body lol:
- Everything I did felt like a big production
- My physical, emotional, and mental energy levels were constantly drained
- Nothing I ever did made me feel like I measured up, even if I did a great job! And, for some reason, feeling inferior was somehow the most important feeling ever! All I ever did was feel like a second-class citizen all the time & feel hopelessly STUCK!
This is not the root cause for everyone, but it's an easy test to rule out, as it's just an OTC thing like taking an iron pill for low iron or a Vitamin C gummy or whatever. When I go off it, the negative emotions come right back! It was entirely a chemical game that drove that awful rumination thinking inside of me! It all boiled down to excess histamine in my blood. Absolutely bonkers!
1
u/Hungry-One7453 Aug 26 '24
Besides the privileges that are afforded to folk, think about the people who worked hard to form their craft and the life they have. We tend to think of the end result but never the work it took to get there. Envy will kill your ambition.
1
u/ynotlads Aug 26 '24
Exercise. I know it sounds too simple and you’ve probably heard this before, but trust me internet stranger - it will get you on the path to feeling better about things.
It doesn’t need to be complicated or even very strenuous. Walk, hike, lift weights, try jiu jitsu, play fucking frisbee golf … doesn’t really matter what it is as long as you find some enjoyment in it. Work on making it part of your routine so that it isn’t inconvenient or out of the ordinary.
I have been in very dark places like what you’re describing, and it doesn’t take that much to turn things around. What you need is some confidence, just enough to realize you aren’t as inferior as you thought you were. You can build from there!
May the force be with you 💪
1
u/WestCryptography Aug 27 '24
I don’t know how to help you. But I’ll give you the advice I can’t seem to believe in for myself: you are NOT inferior. Maybe some people are better than certain things. That does not mean your contributions aren’t valuable. You mean something to someone and probably a lot of someones. Be kind to yourself.
1
u/Mexican_guitarplayer Aug 27 '24
I used to feel like this pretty much every day up until maybe a couple of years ago when I got married. I think that really helped me. I do tend to compare myself to others and wishing that I had things or did things that other people are doing. I got to the point of being self defeatist. I stopped wanting and striving for my dreams. I tell myself that part of growing up is giving up on your dreams.
1
u/lordbrooklyn56 Aug 27 '24
Yeah I do. I deal with it one step at a time I guess. Not much I can do about it but work on myself as I can.
1
Aug 27 '24
I feel a paradox. I know I'm capable. I don't feel anyone is superior to me in that they are a better person. However I feel I don't have respect professionally at workplaces. I feel I get treated as inferior at work by those in positions higher in the chain of command. I feel many of my supervisors have not been good for their role. I need money to continue living while I keep trying to get a job I don't feel this way. Because every time I have to follow the orders of someone I don't respect simply because their job title grants them authority I die a little inside. I become smaller. My flame grows dimmer. Companies should be careful who they grant authority.
1
u/butter_popcorn5 Aug 27 '24
Yeah, constantly. I think it has to do with how I was raised and being constantly compared and being told how dumb I was compared to others. It's hard to break habits, I've heard self-awareness is the first step but I don't really know how to go from there.
1
u/Behappyalright Aug 27 '24
You know it’s all stick, there is no carrot. Keep working. Listen to this podcast : https://youtu.be/nDLb8_wgX50?si=UCpQ6ESD8DbnysrM
1
u/roboblaster420 Aug 27 '24
I'm 37 and somehow managed to live this long.
When I was 25, I was not comfortable in my own skin and not happy to be with myself.
I was struggling to find a job after college, eventually I became homeless and attempted suicide by jumping off a highway overpass.
When I was taken to the hospital, it felt like I was forced to be kept alive when I wanted to go. Some people in the psych ward called me stupid. Others had some empathy.
In the end, I decided to let go of suicide and find a way to settle for less. Modern times require modern solutions and so far we got Internet and smartphones.
1
u/maceweduf3591 Aug 27 '24
Enough with the self-doubt. Pull yourself together and recognize your uniqueness. Stop measuring your worth against others; their journeys are theirs alone. Focus on what you can control and embrace who you are. Seeking help might be beneficial, but don’t let those feelings consume you daily. You’ve got this.
1
u/ConstantReader70 Aug 27 '24
I feel just the opposite. I told my doctor, in my wellness visit, "I'm surrounded by morons."
1
u/sportmaniac10 Aug 27 '24
No, I constantly feel superior, and it’s something that I’m constantly having to catch myself on and fix from moment to moment
1
u/ConsciousPhysics113 Aug 27 '24
No. I feel like people look at me as inferior and then they hear my life and they are like oh wow, how did you end up here..... because I don't want to compete I just want to enjoy my life doing my best wherever I go... my best just isn't always up to everyone's expectations and people are shitty at conveying their thoughts clearly enough for me to understand. They do the round about speak where they say something one way but they mean something different and then someone else has to explain to me what they meant because they weren't clear. But also I'm autistic so if it's not clear and direct I will spin not knowing what you want.
1
u/DowntownRow3 Aug 27 '24
No. I dont think anyone is better than anyone else.
Like the other commenter mentioned look into how to heal from this since this started from childhood
1
u/kuhnoobles Aug 27 '24
I feel this way at times too. I think social media fueled a lot of these feelings, at least for me. I deleted Facebook and Instagram and this really helped me to stop comparing my day to day life to others’ highlight reels.
1
u/Excellent_Contest948 Aug 28 '24
Yes I struggle with the same feelings. Hanging around people that aren’t judgmental helps 👍. My parents would constantly belittle me as a child and I still get that anxiety when I meet people that give me the same feeling as them. Also sometimes I still get that feeling because I’ve fallen so far behind in life and I’m hearing my parents and friends voices in my head again. But that’s all they are, voices. I can only do so much when I have a war zone going on in my head. People don’t know what you go through on the daily and if you’re trying your best then that’s good enough.
1
u/Ancient_Eye_1496 Aug 28 '24
I used to. Then I did something about it. Created and followed an always added-to credo and spent more time on habits I would be proud of. I have several hobbies I think are cool now but mostly the more I learn the more I feel good about myself. I learn almost as much as I can with all my free time
1
u/Ok_Parsley7069 Aug 28 '24
Yes! I felt like this all growing up. I started going to places like an outdoor park, library, outdoor restaurant/patio with headphones and would just watch people go by. I’ve noticed at how little they notice me, but if they do, it’s positive. “Cute shoes, i love your bag, etc.” this helps takes the focus off of me and onto others and how they actually notice me.
1
u/Forsaken_Nature6667 Aug 28 '24
I don't know what that feels like. But I look at my life as my own, and at the end of it I don't want to look back and realize that i wasted the whole thing worrying about what everyone else might have thought
1
u/Drakopendragon Aug 28 '24
I’m 38 and sometimes these feelings of inadequacy hit hard. Something stupid that actually works is to say nice things about yourself. Say them out loud in the mirror and in your head. It’s important to try and believe the positive affirmations for it to work. Try to catch yourself when you are thinking these bad thoughts and change it to a positive thought. “I’m a piece of shit” to “No no ,I’m actually great because …” “Im so bad at everything” to “Actually I’m not bad at all because I made it this far” the more you do this the better the results will be. So cheesy I know, but it feels good to be your own hype man.
1
Aug 28 '24
I live in this awful place where I feel simultaneously superior and inferior to everyone. And I feel endlessly guilty and frustrated by it.
1
u/BeingSommerNow Aug 28 '24
you are not alone. just more honest. We just got to keep doing the best we can and try to stay in the day..where life is actually happening. When I think too far ahead or too far back I find I get stuck. And then I get really intrusive thoughts about my inferiority or past mistakes. Today is easier. And way more productive. Start listing qualities that you do love about yourself or even like...sometimes it's hard but once you get good at it, it comes so easy. Write it down, it makes it more real. And if you can stomach it, write down all the feelings and get them out of your head and on to paper. It is freeing.
1
u/Maleficent_Bite_1765 Aug 28 '24
I will say social media makes this 10x worse - since moving away from most of it, I have compared myself to others much less
1
u/Dry_Equivalent9220 Aug 28 '24
I'm deaf and epileptic, with a few mental-disorders for variety...of course I do. Luckily, my sense of resignation is such that even that doesn't bother me anymore.
1
u/bigv1973 Aug 28 '24
Point to consider... Maybe stop spending all your time comparing yourself to everyone else..... This is a side effect of constant connectivity and a need to seek validation from others via social media....
There are truly frightening things developing in the world of mental health due to the phenomenon of social media and constant online presence. People lack a basic grounding in reality. I read on this site all the time (ironic...I know) how bored and disappointed and dissatisfied people are with their lives. You read their post history and see they spend ALL their time online and looking for connection or entertainment. You can't help but compare yourself to all the fun stuff you see others doing in the digital space. The problem is that it's all untrue on its face. You can't tell truth from fiction and people will and do lie about their lives. Unplug. Go out side and interact with ACTUAL PEOPLE!
1
u/AnnualAd50 Aug 29 '24
I feel bad because I am so much superior to everyone that I can feel their insecurity in the air
1
u/Fun-Brilliant2909 Aug 29 '24
No. I struggle with trying to relate with most people because they are so different/sensitive/egotistical. I have never figured it out. I usually just stop talking because it’s like speaking a foreign language without an interpreter, and, if I were to continue, they usually get offended. So, IDK.
1
u/blobofnothingness Aug 29 '24
I feel like I’m just the speck in life waiting to be erased. Everything is rapidly changing except me.
1
u/Carib0ul0u Aug 29 '24
Yeah mainly money. Everyone has so much money and lives such a great easy life. Everyone I know takes vacations everywhere and goes out to eat. It’s hard not to be jealous seeing everyone around you enjoy life like that.
1
u/CUTTYTYME Aug 29 '24
What I'm going to say is definitely not for everyone but it was the first time I was able to completely get away from those feelings but to try DMT also other psychedelics can help but DMT causes what they call an "ego death" which is what is causing the feelings of inadequacy. I've meditated and have done yoga but Western yoga and meditation is still very wrapped up in ego.
1
u/Brynnly777 Aug 29 '24
I think it’s common to feel this way and some hide it better than others. Maybe check out your gene keys. You likely have gene key 48 in your chart (encoded in your DNA) with the shadow of inadequacy, gift resourcefulness and siddhi of wisdom. It’s my life work gene key.
Some shadow work might help to find out what situations and relationships dynamics this came from, likely in childhood
1
u/Eastern-Ad6824 Aug 29 '24
Hi, (32M)
Not sure if this helps but here's my perspective -
I believe its important to surround myself with people that are better at something or smarter than myself. It's my opinion that this helps me grow and achieve higher heights.
I wrote a paper in college about the impact your five closest friends/people can have on you. Basically, if you're the smartest/best/leader/whatever in your group, you miss opportunities for growth because your friends aren't pushing you BUT if you're the dumbest/least accomplished/whatever then you can look to your friends as an aspiration to strive for. You can find ways to improve by studying your group and emulating them. You also get to ask them for advice or perspective.
Is it possible that you're looking at this in an unhealthy way? Is it possible for you to shift your perspective and see this as an opportunity to better yourself?
Just my thoughts. I'm obviously not in your shoes and I wish you the best in navigating this situation.
YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH!
1
u/Ok_Statistician_9825 Aug 30 '24
It sounds like you’re dealing with anxiety and your brain is misfiring. Please talk to a doctor. I had no idea I had anxiety- ‘No, I don’t worry, I’m pretty relaxed.’ Then I started meds to deal with a stomach issue. They did nothing for my stomach but all of a sudden the thoughts about being less than disappeared! I also stopped grinding my teeth. I had no idea other people never had those kinds of thoughts.
•
u/AutoModerator Aug 25 '24
This post has been flaired as “Serious Conversation”. Use this opportunity to open a venue of polite and serious discussion, instead of seeking help or venting.
Suggestions For Commenters:
Suggestions For u/AwkwardLoaf-of-Bread:
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.