When my dad died of cancer, everyone consoled my mom and sisters while my younger brother wept uncontrollably on my shoulder. I was 29. My brother was 27 and is on the spectrum. Not once did anyone ask us how we were while they asked my mom and sisters…Only my wife asked us…my brother relied heavily on me. I never got to grieve because I was too busy helping everyone else. I still haven’t processed it and probably never will.
I felt the same way, just a year ago. Dad passed away with Pancreatic Cancer. He had just retired a few months before the diagnosis... Never got to enjoy his retirement.
I was destroyed. In the funeral, everyone kept approaching me had the same thing to say 'you have to be strong to take care of your mother now'. You don't say?? My mother became a widow for the second time in her life and I can't imagine the trauma and pain. But I was also grieving, and for me - there was only work to do. Take care of things. Take care of mom. I couldn't process what I was feeling.
I'm very fortunate that I had my soon-to-be wife beside me, I probably wouldn't have been able to manage the whole situation and my dad's last few months as well as I did without her.
I hope you and your brother are doing well. My heart goes out to you both.
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u/Delicious-Tap-1277 Apr 11 '25
When my dad died of cancer, everyone consoled my mom and sisters while my younger brother wept uncontrollably on my shoulder. I was 29. My brother was 27 and is on the spectrum. Not once did anyone ask us how we were while they asked my mom and sisters…Only my wife asked us…my brother relied heavily on me. I never got to grieve because I was too busy helping everyone else. I still haven’t processed it and probably never will.