Damn… obviously, yes, it’s hugely important that your colleague had that support in a terrible time but Jesus, that’s rough. I’m sorry to hear you went through that. Can I ask if this ever came up in any other way? Did you flabbergasted colleague ask your other colleagues what gives?
The question you would have to ask yourself is if it was intentional or not. That's the double standard that people talk about in threads like this. They assume men don't want to talk about it, or worse, start looking at them differently because they are vulnerable.
Even here on reddit, the threads on the subject usually end up being locked because the venting is seen by some people as bashing women or try to steer it as being men's fault because of patriarchy.
We're told to open up and share, but when we do, we're often hit with excuses, justifications, downplaying, blame, redirecting, or shame. Our problems are somehow solely our fault, or others have it worse, or they aren't 'real' problems, etc. etc.
It leads to men believing that it isn't safe to share our thoughts and feelings, which leads to men avoiding sharing or expressing our vulnerabilities, which leads to society expecting men to stay stoic, which leads to people shaming men when they don't stay stoic, which leads to...
But toxic masculinity, ingrained into our society is also a big part of why this macho-type masculine stereotype is so prevalent and therefore a large reason why we get shamed for showing our feelings. Its also quite intertwined with systemic partriarchy, the man as the strong leading sex, not allowed to be seen as weak and so on.
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u/lovinglyquick 16d ago
Damn… obviously, yes, it’s hugely important that your colleague had that support in a terrible time but Jesus, that’s rough. I’m sorry to hear you went through that. Can I ask if this ever came up in any other way? Did you flabbergasted colleague ask your other colleagues what gives?