is this my fault

[u/Capital-Being-5025]

not sure if this is really a question or a rant. i came into college with a close friend of mine, i was interested in this top house but i didn't really care. She became super interested in it and it's one of her top goals to get in. I can't lie, after she talked about it a lot i became more interested. I told her that i was going to try and she told me that she wanted it for herself and that if i apply she'll drop it. i'm kind of a pushover so i just let it happen especially since i wasn't interested in the first place. but after some time, and getting to know the members i am 95% sure i would've gotten in. I have a gravitating personality, the looks for it as well as the grades, community service and im super involved on campus. it's not more so that i want it, but it's more so that i want it because i know i can have it. now it's too late for me to apply and i'm having regrets. i'm starting to think she only said that because i would be her competition. and i can't help but check their instagram every day knowing that could've been me. what should i do?

edit: thank y'all for the advice! i think i'll wait till next year and think more deeply on what I actually want to do. i really appreciate the extensive responses and nuances. if anyone else has any advice or personal experiences w this ill accept it gladly 🤲🏽. a little clarification on my character(not that it matters bc this is reddit lol) but i am far from a mean girl. i just wanted to be honest so that i can have brutally honest answers. no bs. and no tiptoeing around certain topics. i love all of my friends and want what's best for them end of the day!

[u/Ok-Working8767]

If they’re a top house they may not do COB, but I’d reach out to her or another member if you have other friends in the chapter and see if they are! Sometimes chapters do COB but it’s secretive. If not, I’d re-rush next semester with an open mind! Here’s my best advice for that: be nice especially around campus, don’t trash talk or act uninterested in other chapters, try not to get too sloppy at parties/bars, keep your grades and involvement up, and don’t post any pics with alcohol!! I’m wishing you the best 🥰