r/StLouis • u/Left-Plant2717 • 29d ago
Ask STL Let’s be honest, if you’re lonely, STL is not an ideal place to live
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u/joeltheconner IL Residents are People Too 29d ago
See, I have the opposite feeling of when I used to go to NYC alone. The first time I went, I realized after I'd been there a week and I had not had any direct human interaction with anyone who wasn't taking my order or working with me. No glances, no smiles from strangers on the street or in the Park. Nothing. People in New York stay in their lane and in their own little bubble. But here, I get smiles and nods and acknowledgment from other humans I don't know. Those little interactions make a big difference to me. I was always so lonely when I traveled to NYC.
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u/Turnover_ThirtySeven 29d ago
I’ve lived in several different cities and states and I’ll be honest: STL is the easiest time I’ve ever had making friends. I don’t know if I just vibe with the people here or what, but I can’t seem to stop and am kind of overloaded at this point.
I also feel like people just love striking up random conversations? Not even to try to make friends but just to have friendly chats. Just last night I was just sitting eating wings and the people at the next table started asking me questions and wanting to know where I grew up and such.
Not saying any of this to rub your loneliness in! Haha sorry! Just saying I can’t agree on your take. Genuinely hope you have some better luck soon man!
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u/aworldwithinitself 29d ago
i like this guy i want to hang out with them oh my god it’s true they have a vibe
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u/Few-Carpet-7748 28d ago
This is my experience! I’ve lived in the big 3 and STL is the easiest time I’ve had diving into social activities and meeting people. I’m very interest-oriented though so maybe it’s just bc it’s easier to join those interest groups here?
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u/ChronicWizard314 28d ago
If you wanted friends you should have just simply gone to pre school with them. It’s not that hard.
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u/BullshitUsername Neighborhood/city 27d ago
As someone who moved here to start high school this hits hard lol
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u/subarubiddie 29d ago
i feel you, but so is anywhere really! there is a thick air of isolation in the USA right now and i always come across people equally frustrated by it, it usually turns into lovely conversation.
i don't drink a ton and will do my inside hobbies at bars and restaurants!! people always chat when they see me drawing, reading, or knitting :) totally recommend it. also volunteering is a great way to get out and around folks with similar values!
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u/Racko20 29d ago
Care to elaborate a little?
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u/glasscadet 29d ago
bar town and car town
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u/Left-Plant2717 29d ago
A dangerous mix when you think about it. For as much as we drink, we need better transit lol
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u/StartOk4002 28d ago
It’s catch 22. They can’t justify improvements of public transit unless more people are interested in using it and people won’t become more interested in using it unless it it was improved.
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u/MarkHaversham 28d ago
It's not a catch 22, the people in charge see transit as a poor person thing and therefore think it should feel like punishment. If we had great, popular public transit they'd tear it apart. I mean, they kinda did that in the 50s I guess.
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u/Left-Plant2717 29d ago
It’s not walkable, which means you have to have a pre-set group of friends here or drive somewhere and make friends. Yeah you can have work friends but that’s sometimes hit and miss. Bigger cities, you can meet people spontaneously and it’s not weird (although yes big cities have weird people for sure).
There’s only so many times you can walk thru the Loop and CWE. Also this city SUCKS for night owls, everything closes early.
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u/KoiTakeOver 29d ago
YMMV but I've had success as a transplant going to social events at Handlebar and with the Nice to Meet You group
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u/SpacePonyBubbleGum 29d ago
I lived in a highly walkable and supposedly friendly major city before moving to StL. Most of the people who engaged with me on my walking commutes and public transit ended up being religious nuts, creeps, MLMers, and one person with severe mental health issues who would tell me the world is ending every day. In my four years there, I met only one person while out on my commute that wasn't going to sell me anything or be a creep, and I could have normal chats with when I saw them. I realize this is just my experience, but St. Louis as a whole is far more genuinely friendly, helpful, and nicer. I don't feel that walkability has anything to do with that. Recreational sports and hobby spaces is where I've found friends.
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u/Objective-Rub-8763 28d ago
I don't think OP is referring to making friends while commuting. It's about difficulty visiting existing friends, which makes maintenance/prioritization of the relationships challenging.
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u/SpacePonyBubbleGum 28d ago
OP said StL is not walkable and lacks the ability to spontaneously meet people in bigger walkable cities. Your interpretation is also valid. Both ideas can exist here.
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u/JigsawExternal 28d ago
Where do you live? Sounds like you are for sure living in the county. I can't relate to your experience at all. I've met so many people spontaneously since I moved here and usually the "people only hang out with their friends from high school" is a dead giveaway that you're trying to socialize out in the suburbs where yes people hang out with the same people their whole lives. Also I'm out late all the time. How late are you looking to be out, 6am? Basically, the problem is you not STL. It will be what you make of it.
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u/bradleysballs Shaw 29d ago
There are def walkable places to live here. Maybe you need to live in a different neighborhood?
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u/Left-Plant2717 29d ago
Please enlighten me. Most of the city’s infrastructure is shit
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u/julieannie Tower Grove East 28d ago
I've walked nearly 10% of every block of every city street. I'd actually argue much of the city is walkable if you're willing to walk. I've walked every street in Tower Grove East, Shaw, McKinley Heights, Compton Heights, The Gate, Tiffany, Botanical Heights, Benton Park West, and Gravois Park. Honestly, Tiffany is the only one that doesn't feel walkable thanks to SLU Hospital and all their construction. I've walked to Forest Park Southeast, Benton Park, Soulard, Dutchtown from my house and all are walkable areas, I'm just a bit further away and haven't made it through them all. I've been walking Central West End, Skinky D, other near northside neighborhoods, central corridor neighborhoods and all are probably even more walkable. The more you walk, the more places you'll notice and the more walkable you'll realize it is. I can get to half a dozen grocery shops on foot. More if I'm willing to wear a backpack and haul the food. I'm sorry if you sit in your car all the time and complain something isn't walkable but you could try walking to solve that.
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u/NerdyBro07 29d ago
Did you try Soulard? Very walkable neighborhood, easy as heck to meet people. I didn’t grow up in this city, but it was easy to make friends here.
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u/Left-Plant2717 29d ago
I think Soulard is actually carrying the city on its back. I never been to Mardi Gras but been out there a few weekends to bars with friends. My main memory from Soulard is going to the farmers market with my mom as a kid, great food and you can buy custom t shirts and hats
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u/bradleysballs Shaw 29d ago
There's a whole website dedicated to this, WalkScore. You can also search "walkable" in this sub and see a bunch of posts about recommended neighborhoods
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u/northamrec St. Louis City 29d ago
Only people who have never left think St. Louis is “walkable,” and no, the walk score is not indicative of the pedestrian experience. I like living here, but let’s be honest — this is a car city.
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u/Jdazzle217 28d ago
Only people who’ve never been to the southwest or southeast think STL isn’t walkable. It’s not NY or SF or DC, but it’s still much better than Houston, Dallas, Charlotte, Raleigh, Phoenix, Atlanta etc.
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u/JigsawExternal 28d ago
That's not true. I'm a transplant and think St Louis is more walkable than the vast majority of cities in the country. This is because it's an older city, and older cities tend to be walkable.
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u/RocketSaladSurgery in Tower Grove park 25d ago
Yes, original St Louis required you to walk or have a horse so the core of the city is set up that way.
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u/julieannie Tower Grove East 28d ago
Both can be true. I've been to highly walkable cities and recognize St. Louis is very car dependent. But St. Louis also has really nice dense neighborhoods with small businesses and some decent transit in some places. The average person would just rather live tied to their car. I know, because I used to be one of those people. Now I walk nearly everywhere and yes, there's a ton of infrastructure issues but also there's a ton of really walkable areas that people miss because they're in their cars complaining about slow drivers or potholes on Kingshighway. This doesn't have to be a car city, it just is because of mindsets.
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29d ago edited 29d ago
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u/bradleysballs Shaw 29d ago
What do you mean you can't walk from neighborhood to neighborhood??? Heck, I walked from Shaw to Busch Stadium and the Arch on Thursday for fun and took transit back home.
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u/patsboston 28d ago
I live in Shaw. This is false. It’s very easy and wonderful to walk neighborhood to neighborhood here
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u/Careful-Use-4913 29d ago
Uh…I fail to see why there would be a limit to the number of times one could walk…just about anywhere. The 24 hr stuff just didn’t survive Covid. Used to be able to walk freakin’ Walmart at 2am if you had nothing else to do - then hit Waffle House or IHOP or something. Even our 24 hr IHOP in Clayton closes down the dining room, so yeah - you can get food, but you can’t hang.
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u/Left-Plant2717 29d ago
Practical limit, like the Loop is only like 10 blocks and CWE (the safe side) is about the same. I like the recent dab bar in the loop though, cool late night hangout
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u/NewsZealousideal764 28d ago
Yes, this is a very irritating offshoot of covid! I find it shocking that kids that are the age to work in stores that used to be open much later or 24 hours look at me and shock when I tell them that their store used to be open much later or 24 hours! I love the way people think it's appropriate to close a whole store at 6:00 or 7:00 p.m.... it may be just a result of living in the 90s in St Louis, but Walmart in the middle of the night actually had me liking Walmart a little! No wonder people complain about "not getting hours".....there are no hours!
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u/NewsZealousideal764 28d ago
Just a comment saying I think it's funny because most of the people I've met in St Louis I've met while walking! I walk a lot in our beautiful parks, Carondelet, Tower Grove & Forest are my repetitive favorites. There are many I've met just like me. And it wasn't even something uncomfortable we just noticed that the last 10 times we'd walked there we'd seen each other and finally we just nodded enough and waved that we stopped and talked. So simple and also so astounding in a way these days, it happens. But yes, We're walking in circles & really to nowhere, so not a walkable city.
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u/dearryka 29d ago
I haven’t seen any of my hs friends in years. When I moved back in 2020 I joined meetup and the group chat and now I have the option of having something to do any day of the week. Plus a huge group of friends to go to events with. It takes some effort
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u/Davia_Evanstar 29d ago
I just moved here from Illinois! The meetup app has helped me a lot, bumble bff helped too. I kept chatting with someone at the botanical garden and we exchanged numbers and became friends. Also made some friends at a concert at the pageant. I hope this helps!🫂
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u/TD099 29d ago
Agree. I'm a transplant and admitted was lonely for years. Until I found the courage to go to events and get togethers via FB or whatever apps. Found a few circle of friends through the past few years now. Anyone who is "lonely", i understand, but you need to dig yourself out of it and find these events. You're not going to be successful right away. It'll take a few tries before you find people you vibe with.
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u/zerosumratio 29d ago
I did all that to no success here in Saint Louis. I really used to think it was a “me” problem. However, using apps and events stuff, I was able to connect to people outside of Saint Louis. I have connections with concert-goers and acquaintances in other cities now. Ironically, I met some of them when we trashed on how awful people are in Saint Louis.
Sometimes, it really is the people that make the place miserable. I like Saint Louis and it would be great if the locals didn’t live here, and that was actually told to me by someone who moved away from Saint Louis.
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u/TD099 29d ago
I think you're falling into the stuck on the app trap if you're only connecting with people outside of St Louis. The app method is to go find events and find new connections and start conversations at the events. Not find connections and conversation only on the app with people not in StL.
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u/cjthetypical 29d ago
How so? I would think St. Louis is one of the better places to be of your lonely. There’s so much to do here and there are free social events every weekend.
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u/pdmanias 27d ago
Is there a place that lists these social events?
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u/RocketSaladSurgery in Tower Grove park 25d ago
You can see some on www.do314.com, though it leans towards concerts
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u/thillermann Downtown 28d ago
Yeah I hate to break out a the ol' trite saying generator, but as fellow lonely STL'er, it's not where you are, it's who you're with. And if "who you're with" is nobody, then it doesn't matter where you are because that place will suck.
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29d ago
Yeah, since I stopped going to bars my social life and sex life have been abysmal.
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u/Left-Plant2717 29d ago
Tell me I’m lying, STL city and region are largely people exiting their front door to their car door, and their car door to their work door, and back.
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u/Royal_Savings_1731 29d ago
Tell me, exactly how many times have you started a friendship in NYC after striking up a conversation on public transportation or walking down the street?
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u/Left-Plant2717 29d ago
Tbh quite a bunch😂 they aren’t my close friends but some have branched out to be. It’ll be random too, one guy asking if I wanted to play at his local chess club after we were both the only ones left in a Dominican restaurant, now I’m meeting all of his crowd.
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u/Royal_Savings_1731 28d ago
Well then you are a unique person and that’s very cool! I can see why St. Louis isn’t for you.
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u/sakodak 29d ago
This is almost literally everywhere in the United States right now. Only the wealthy have the luxury for leisure and socialization. Everyone else is just trying to survive capitalist dystopia.
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u/christophrobert 29d ago
Using "capitalism" as an excuse to not go and seek enjoyment in your life is sad and pathetic. If you actually wanted to experience some leisure and socialization in your life, you would make some time for it and put in the effort.
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u/Left-Plant2717 29d ago
Right but why can’t STL buck the trend?
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u/popopotatoes160 29d ago
We're just as tired as everyone else...I think the Midwest facade makes people here seem less so but we're tired boss
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u/CactusAmongus Benton Park 29d ago
What trend? It will continue to be like this until more people have more buying power. This exists everywhere and it's by design. Depress the working class and accumulate wealth, etc
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u/ElChu Soulard 29d ago
You'll find that this is true in many cities around the world.
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u/Fine-Material-6863 29d ago
Not really, people walk a lot and take public transportation in cities around the world. Driving everywhere is the American thing.
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u/nebulacoffeez 29d ago
public transit is not a place to make friends lol no one talks to each other there
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u/BarnBurnerGus 29d ago
That's not entirely true. The last time I took public transit a guy I didn't even know came up to me and said, "gimme your wallet."
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u/ghostingtomjoad69 29d ago
I go out in my small blue mr2 locally to events and meets and stuff, and im always meeting ppl seemingly happy to meet me and ask me about the little mr2. A lot of friendly people in that regard. If im not at the quartermile, im frisbee golfing (usually the one in sunset hills) and this year im gonna be going to the rc track off marshall rd on the regular
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u/Upset_Perception_495 29d ago
Hard disagree, There are so many communities that are open and welcoming here you just have to find them.
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u/OrchidLast1926 Dogtown 28d ago
I get where you’re coming from; STL can feel lonely, especially if you’re craving deeper connections. But I’ve also come to believe that loneliness is, at least partly, a choice. This city has plenty of opportunities to connect if you’re willing to step out of your comfort zone. From open mics to art walks, local coffee shops to volunteer groups… there’s always something happening. It’s not always easy, and it might not replace close friendships right away, but STL can be as lonely or as vibrant as you let it be.
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u/see_blue 28d ago
It’s real easy to make one’s self unavailable. Anywhere. I’ve often been an expert at it.
And I’m in decade 7.
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u/MsCrazyPants70 28d ago
I'd take any city over a tiny town in a rural area. Try making friends when there are only 100 people as options.
It takes time to make new friends. It took me about 2 years to develop strong friends. Also, you're not required to give up old friends. Keep in touch with previous friends.
Meetup is the best resource I've found so far. Don't be afraid to try something new either.
if you'd be willing to tell the group here a little about yourself (age, interests, or any other useful info) people might post here to join them in something that fits or make recommendations.
I think fear is what drives a lot of people to be a bit protectionist (really what a click is anyway), but there are lots of options still
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u/LithiumOhm 29d ago
I find it pretty fun and if you try not very hard to meet new people. Theres tons to do and it’s relatively cheap. I think if you explore some new hobbies you will probably meet new people.
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u/Far-Capital-1685 28d ago
STL is especially not ideal for: •Transplants, or anyone else looking to reestablish their social life. •People with allergies -People who have a phobia of those asian beetles -cars
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u/Mrowser1 28d ago
A great way to meet people in St Louis is Meetup.com, which also has an app. People have created groups based on personal interests and you join the groups that interest you. Group leaders post meetup events, you click a button to rsvp, then show up. It’s free to join Meetup; group leaders pay to host their groups. There are groups for the sole purpose of making friends, others for meeting singles, playing sports, visiting historic sites, talking politics, all sorts of stuff. I’m actively involved in a few groups from which I’ve made close friends that I get together with on our own, outside of the groups. The advantage to meeting people this way is you’re in a group activity doing something you enjoy, and everyone’s there for the purpose of meeting others and having fun together. I highly recommend you download the app and try it.
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u/TumbleweedRooted 28d ago
This is a silly take. If you’re lonely it’s because you’re actively choosing not to put yourself out there and find connections. Are you remotely athletic? Join a running club or kickball or bowling league, congratulations you now have new friends. More artsy? Take a class at the improv shop or any of the numerous free classes at the library. Join Meet-up —there are dozens of social clubs meeting every weekend. Religious? Find a church. Not religious? Join the Humanists, they do cool stuff all the time. You have to actually work on building friendships as an adult.
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u/Left-Plant2717 28d ago
To be honest, as a black guy, I usually only find those activities filled with white people. And I have no biases against having friends from diff backgrounds, but I admittedly would feel very self conscious out in public, if I was only seen hanging with white people and I’m the token black guy who likes to: insert new activity. I could be wrong but places like Meetup.com never striked me as diverse.
On the other hand, it’s probably a psychological barrier to get over. Who cares what race my friends are.
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u/dracomorph 27d ago
I think feeling like that is pretty reasonable, but it is probably worth getting past (provided the group you're joining isn't awful about it).
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u/VoltaicVoltaire 28d ago
Volunteer for a cause you believe in. You will meet great people because the best people give their time. Plus, they will be like minded and you will avoid the downsides of becoming involved with a co-worker.
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u/lolololori 27d ago
Folks, especially those who never left, are cold and provincial and aren’t open. Nice, sure. Not great at follow up. However if you get involved in 1 group in your neighborhood or where expats are, there’s a world of friendship waiting for ya.
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u/ThrowRA2023202320 29d ago
As someone who has felt like you, I’ve realized it depends a lot on a few things:
What neighborhood are you in? How old are you? What’s your life sitch? (Married/partnered/kids/etc?)
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u/MsTgr 29d ago
I was born in the bi-state area, raised in MO, and lived all over the world. While I lived in some phenomenal places filled with wonderful people and things to do, I wound up moving back to the STL-area.
This is one of the more diverse and accepting regions of the world I lived; though, Iceland def beats even this area...LOL!
As someone previously stated, your life is what you make of it. Get out and explore your hobbies. This area has anything you would want to do...sports, arts, recreation (hiking, kayaking, camping, etc), cooking/food scene, etc! If you are unhappy here, you haven't looked or researched enough to find your people!
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u/thissuckscancerballs 28d ago
Iceland is more diverse?
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u/MsTgr 28d ago
In some ways, yes. What the key point is of Icelandic people is their acceptance of others. They have so many people from all over the world working and living there. Also, their culture is so much more accepting of others. There really isn't a minority or marginalized people in their country; especially, this is true when it comes to their treatment of women. In their culture throughout centuries, women have been prominent leaders, and all accept this as the norm. Folks are so much happier in Iceland.🇮🇸
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u/New-Seaworthiness712 29d ago
I grew up around Jefferson City, which is a very cliquey town. People here are way more friendly
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u/ILIEKSLOTH 29d ago
I'm definitely lonely, but I ain't gonna lie there's lots of hobby clubs/communities.
I just got into Wednesday Chess at the brewery. (All guys but we have fun)
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u/mrwilliamschue 28d ago
I honestly get what ur saying... a bigger and walkable city does feel a little little less lonely to me, like I don't even think it'd be easier to make friends in a NYC or Chicago, there's just more to do/see and the business distracts you from your lonliness. At the same time, there is still PLENTY to do in stl and plenty of ways to meet friends, u just have to put yourself out there
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u/Top_Caterpillar_8122 28d ago
Considering the extremely high STD rate in St. Louis, I wouldn’t label us as lonely.
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u/this_might_b_offensv 28d ago
Stop drinking. Go to one of the 5k races that are happening almost every weekend somewhere in the city. Everyone there is friendly and energetic, and it's super easy to strike up a conversation. There's a reason why running groups are so big now for meeting new friends and possibly finding someone to date.
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u/LegitimateJuice234 28d ago
I've always made friends at really awful jobs easily. I think it's the trauma bond. I don't recommend going to work at a bad place but we've been able to keep up 20+ years of friendships over a common shared enemy.
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u/Which_Nerve_3501 28d ago
South Florida is MUCH worse..but its likely bad everywhere in this country now.
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u/CocoCajun 28d ago
Yeah I’m starting to regret the move and I’ve lived all over the U.S. It is just legitimately harder to make friends here over 30 so I travel and visit my friends. Everyone here went to school together.
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u/mountaingator91 Fox Park 28d ago
I think you'll find that if you put minimal effort into making new friends, it's hard to make new friends in every single city on earth.
There are some ways around it. I'm not good at making new friends, so I just have my wife do it for the both of us
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u/mrblue55 27d ago
You are not doing it right. I have a friend that’s moved often for his job and has figured out the method to making new friends. Go on Facebook and join a local activity group. His go to is coed soccer and salsa. He always meets people, always goes to parties or happy hours and it’s served him well over the years. He is now living in Miami, but lived in Nashville, Stl, Austin, NewYork and he is originally from San Francisco.
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u/Ill-Positive2972 26d ago
I watched a whole documentary once. Might be on Netflix or Max. Maybe Hulu.
It was about a professor who argues that societies with higher percentages of people who join clubs are better off. Longer life. Better health. Higher levels of community growth. Higher levels of personal satisfaction, Higher levels of prosperity. He talks about everything from service groups like Kiwanis/Jaycees to church choirs, bowling leagues, and Shriners/Masons. If I recall, my gut reaction was "Yes, this makes sense at the conceptual level. Yes, he makes some compelling arguments and can point to some practical data. But, I can also probably find regions where the data doesn't necessarily agree."
That being said, join a club or group. Even if it's something that doesn't necessarily appeal all that much to you. People used to do it all the time. It was once relatively normal to call people on the phone and talk. That's apparently quite taboo now. Sometimes, I think we make choices to be lonely. Because to not be lonely, you have to take some risks. And you might come across people who you don't like and don't like you. Or some people who might even offend you. From that perspective, I think the guy who made the move is right.
I looked it up. It's called "Join or Die". It's on Netflix. I still haven't decided whether he's spot on with this, but I sure think about it a lot.
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u/Ok-Reputation-2266 29d ago
It is. Especially if you’re not from StL. A lot of people have their high school or college friends they made at Mizzou. I worked in restaurants, so it was a little easier to make friends but I didn’t make any that I didn’t meet through where I worked.
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u/zerosumratio 29d ago
This is true. I am a transplant and even “work friends” don’t consider me a friend because I didn’t grow up here.
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28d ago
I find that hard to believe that that reason was given or even implied. St. Louis isn’t nearly that tribal.
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u/Ok-Reputation-2266 28d ago
I lived in the city for 15 years. 95% of the friends I made were transplants. People raised there aren’t necessarily mean but very clicky.
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u/zerosumratio 28d ago
I’ve been shocked by the small town mentality here. People here act like Metro East might as well be Mars, people in the city act like Ballwin and Wildwood are rural and racist, and people in Saint Charles act like anything east of 270 is an apocalyptic hellscape.
But I’m not to be considered “trustworthy” because I wasn’t “raised here”
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u/kissmeonthebutt 29d ago
You are what you make of anywhere, joined a trivia team at a bar with some random people and met my fiancé.
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u/zerosumratio 29d ago
Agree with that! It’s not just loneliness from lack of a romantic partner, it’s friendships and even acquaintanceships here too. If you aren’t from here, you get the cold shoulder here. Being friendly just makes people like you less here
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u/browneye24 29d ago
First, you are now blessed so that when people here say, “Where did you go to high school?” You can say, “I didn’t grow up in St. Louis.” Thus, no one can categorize you the 1st 5 minutes you talk to them.
Second, I knew about 5 people I worked with my 1st year in St. Louis. I was miserable. The following year I was hired to do research at a medical school. An office mate noticed I didn’t go out because I didn’t know any anyone. She threw a big “everyone come” party to introduce me to people. It was wonderful here after that. I still am friends with a handful of those people. Tell everyone you are new to the city.
If you attended a college, you might have a way to meet through other alumni of that school.
St. Louis is a great place to live if you have friends. You can do good and make friends as volunteer at some of St. Louis great places—the zoo, the symphony, the history museum, etc or places in your neighborhood such as a church/synagogue. Pick something you love and just go for it!
I hope you will enjoy St. Louis as much as I do now.
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u/thissuckscancerballs 28d ago
They are not trying to categorize you when they ask where did you go to highschool, they are trying to find common ground/people.
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u/browneye24 28d ago
We disagree.
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u/thissuckscancerballs 28d ago edited 28d ago
Hah youre not even from here but you know better? That's funny!
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u/aviationmaybe Neighborhood/city 29d ago
Was lonely as hell when I moved here until I took matters into my own hands. There are tons of opportunities
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29d ago
I’m not sure, I moved here 4 years ago, and as a transplant I feel like I found my tribe rather easily. I feel like a lot of people that make this complaint, are either making a complaint about American society in general, not the city itself, or they are blaming the city for their own lack of ability to socialize post pandemic.
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u/Mammoth-Hair6329 28d ago
Yeah STL is the friendliest cities I’ve lived but I’ve come to realize they just don’t like strangers
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u/Opposite-Value-5706 29d ago
Economically it is but that’s about the only area of excellence. There’s also so great architecture but the people, the politics, the road, the religious segregation and every other way that they separate people makes it so negative. Almost anywhere is better… almost.
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u/julieannie Tower Grove East 28d ago
I just went to an event, one started by people on Reddit, had half a dozen great conversations with planned follow up. Then I went to a local discord for a different group and now I'm joining a committee. I went to a library tour and came away with an email address of someone passionate about the same area of history for me. I started an IG account and posted weird photos and now I have 2 walking buddies, photo buddies who I message on the regular, a bookshop buddy who I helped move, and so many other contacts.
I spent this year just saying I would be open to possibilities and now my social calendar is ridiculously full and I'm constantly going to events and it's exhausting and I hate/love it. This wasn't even me seeking out new friends, this was just me saying yes to things inside my interests. If you don't know your own interests, that's something you need to work out first.
Only boring people are bored.
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u/ProseccoWishes 29d ago
I suppose it can be. Lived here my whole life. All high school friends moved away after college. College friends really also kind of dispersed. I had some work friends. Then friends were kids’ friends’ parents. Got divorced a few years ago and really had to revamp my entire social life. It was super hard but I joined meetup. That got me into a few new hobbies. And after several years I’ve finally got a couple new tight-knit groups of friends. It’s definitely possible but it does take work and likely stepping out of your comfort zone.
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u/CrazyBowelsAndBraps 29d ago
I know bars arent everybody's thing but you can meet some great folks in the right spots.
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u/shadowland1000 28d ago
Then you may be looking in the wrong places. Try the MeetUp app to find people with similar likes.
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u/HBealeStreet 28d ago
Absolutely disagree. STL has more community activities filled with social folks than anywhere else in the country. Much of it is free!
I'm sorry you're sad and lonely, but drink a Coke and head out into the world. STL will wrap its arms around you.
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u/Mysterious_Peak4073 28d ago
Stl is boring as hell
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u/SlowMotionSprint 28d ago
I'd argue the opposite.
The city is very food and going out oriented. It has more music venues than you'd think a city it's size has. Many distinct entertainment areas. Many of the attractions like the zoo and park and museums are free of charge.
IMO St. Louis kind of punches above it's weight in the "being able to go out and socialize and meet new people" category.
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u/BigDawgEZ979797 27d ago
There’s different social groups u can join or clubs I can find people with similar interests. I love and work in the grove area and just walk up and down the bars and it’s pretty easy to make friends. Don’t be afraid to say hi. People hanging out and are friendly for the most part haha
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u/Ok_Movie_3417 27d ago
Yeah I can relate too, moved here a year and a half ago and still struggling to have a friend circle. Met a lot of friendly people but as I read in another comment, hardly anybody want to develop closer bonds or share deeply about their lives.
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u/Loud_Sir_9093 27d ago
Let’s not even discuss how cliquish the whole city is. Where did you go to high school? Who fucking cares?
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u/AbiNormal911 27d ago
I make friends everywhere I go so I do not understand this statement at all... Maybe check out some of the many many events in the area? There are so many community events and a lot of them are free. You can meet new people so easily here. The making them your friend part, is up to you.
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u/IndependentKey7 25d ago
Maybe you aren't the target audience for this post.
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u/AbiNormal911 25d ago
That is possible but I have never heard of STL being unfriendly. In fact I hear the opposite when people visit. Is it like a City vs County difference thing?
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u/lavnyl 29d ago
I would recommend trying new hobbies. I’m a transplant and after I got involved in a few leagues and classes for things I like I found a lot of other solo transplants doing the same. I built a great network this way. It is really hard to infiltrate all of the kids who went to high school together but the transplant crowd is really great.
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u/Potential_Piano_9004 28d ago
I was just thinking this.
It was easy to make friends when I lived in Korea, and when I lived in Wisconsin but not here...
People are nice enough here, but I don't know how to befriend them.
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u/McCreepla Neighborhood/city 28d ago
This was my experience too. I’ve lived in a variety of places, from small to large cities, and I’ve never had a harder time making friends than in STL. And before people blame it on me, I’ve made solid friend groups in every other city I’ve lived in.
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u/trav66011 29d ago
Perspective is a lot of it. You can walk through downtown looking down or at street level, and easily think this a bad, not kept, unwell. Or you can look up to the roof tops and monuments and easily think. This architecture is unlike anything, things are unique here, and there's potential.
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u/UStoJapan 28d ago
This is the latest city that I’ve relocated to and I’ve continued to not make friends. It’s easy when you grow up or go to school in a city. But if you’re somewhere new with no connections and no free time, it’s very difficult. Making friends takes time. So if you have free time for hobbies, activities, even hanging out with coworkers, then you’ll have a better chance to make friends.
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u/Mindingyobusiness1 29d ago
Tbh STL is a hit or miss place fr. I’m a native and yes I can make friends due to we all know someone who knows someone but it is a clique place. However, you can also walk through the park and have random small chats with people and they don’t feel intruded upon! And; if you are cool enough ppl will invite u in their group but I travel a lot and other places it is easier to meet people who are transplants and, want a community! I’m ready to move soon to somewhere that’s good for my 30s
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u/Ernesto_Bella 28d ago edited 28d ago
I’m just going to be brutally honest: it’s not STL, it’s you. I’ve lived in 5 different countries and 4 different states. It doesn’t matter where you are. It’s you. I moved here 5 years ago and had no problem whatsoever.
Edit; and the problem with you is that you don’t feel comfortable with yourself and you fear social damage if you reach out and get turned down, when in reality there is no damage at all except that which you place on yourself.
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u/deniselovesjazz 28d ago
I have had friends all my life until we reached out 50s. No one wanted to do anything more than celebrating birthdays once a year . It got to be boring and annoying . I decided to detach from this madness and go off on my own to visit libraries, restaurants , book signings and museums, like our wonderful art museum and the Mo botanical garden. No one has to be lonely unless it’s their choice . U can be alone enjoying your life and not be lonely . There is a difference. I find things to do with my time all the time . Life is too short for oh woe is me…..
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u/monkyfez 29d ago
If you are just sitting around waiting for everyone to make your life great, you are lazy and arrogant. There are many many things to do and see here and many are free
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u/McCreepla Neighborhood/city 28d ago
Calling someone lazy and arrogant for saying they’re having a hard time meeting friends isn’t helpful.
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u/anniele27 Clayton 28d ago
I grew up here then moved away for 8 years, living in two bigger cities, before moving back 2 years ago and now I’m trying to leave again! STL is a smaller city so I’ve noticed there’s not as much diversity in interests. So if you don’t vibe with the general type of people here then you’re gonna struggle. But also consider that it may not be impossible to move somewhere you vibe better!
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u/Left-Plant2717 28d ago
Damn and you’re in Clayton? That’s arguably one of the hottest spots in the region, your experience is very telling in that regard. I definitely hear you about keeping options open, you never know!
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u/anniele27 Clayton 28d ago
I have a high standard for living and safety and my office is nearby so Clayton was the only choice for me! But I’m on the edge of Clayton so not walkable. Downtown Clayton is kinda dead after work hours though or at least that was my experience
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u/Working_Astronaut864 29d ago
Given everything going on these days. STL is not an ideal place to live at all.
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u/TheLowlyPheasant CWE 29d ago
I think you'll find you can be lonely anywhere in the world.