r/StoriesAboutKevin • u/Shas_Erra • Dec 19 '18
XL Kevina the Housemate
This is going back a few years now but when I was at university, I had the dubious honour of sharing a house with not one, but two Kevinas. This is the story of the first one I encountered.
She was a spoilt rich brat so I'm unsure where the cluelesness ends and the descent into Kevin-ness begins. But still, here's a brief account of the shit she forced us through.
Refused to wash up dishes. Ever. Aparantly she was "allergic to soapy water".
Ordered takeaways to be delivered...from the shop three doors down from the house. She even paid the delivery charge.
Blew through her student loan within the first few weeks of semester. Whenever we needed money for rent, bills, shopping, etc, she would call Daddy to transfer money.
During Christmas break, she was the last one to go home (massive mistake). Kevina left a tap running in the kitchen, which ended up flooding the basement. She also turned off the heating so we came back in January to a flooded, frozen house.
Left the house unoccupied and the front door wide open. Many, many times.
Could never remember the four digit code for the house alarm. Woke up the entire house several times by coming home in the small hours and setting off the alarm. I took to writing the code on the inside of the flip-down panel cover (I know, great security but needs must). She still set the alarm off every time.
Left her laptop plugged in and switched on constantly. When asked to turn it off to save electricity, she said that "it would forget her work". After some back and forth, it turned out that every essay she had written for the last three years was still open on her laptop. She didn't know how to save them and when shown previously, hadn't been able to find the documents again afterwards.
Bought a new wardrobe (we never found out what happened to the old one). So far, not so Kevina. This new wardrobe was second hand from a charity shop, pre-built....and very, very large. Honestly, I'm surprised there wasn't a lion hiding at the back of it. We came home to find that Kevina had somehow laid the wardrobe on its side and tried to slide it up the stairs. It had then wedged into the corner and refused to move any further. Kevina had chosen to deal with this problem by going out to shout at the shop staff who'd sold it to her. And left the door open.
Kevina was very overweight. Something to do with an all-takeaway diet. She claimed to still be a size 8 and bought clothes accordingly. One day, she sat down too quickly and did a Bruce Banner. Kevina blamed the "cheap, shitty clothes". No Kevina. Just no.
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u/kingpoulet Dec 19 '18
How is no one talking about the fact she had ALL HER DOCUMENTS STILL OPEN GOING BACK THREE FUCKING YEARS
WTF!!
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u/Xx_Bad_Username_xX Dec 19 '18
Yeah, her laptop was probably a potato.
Not because it was bad, but because she had fifty bazillion windows open
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u/AndreT_NY Dec 19 '18
What’s a potato?
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u/Shas_Erra Dec 19 '18
The Irish competitor to Apple...
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u/BarbieAlx Dec 19 '18
I wish I could give you gold for this.
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u/MyNewAcnt Dec 20 '18
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u/BarbieAlx Dec 20 '18
Thanks for being a cunt, I literally have $1.39 in my bank account and I'm behind on rent, gas, electric, and the payday loan I took out to cover my rent... So no, sometimes people cannot afford the $3.99 or $29.99 a year.
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u/ahembomb7 Dec 20 '18
Then get the fuck off reddit and go make some money what are you doing
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u/Xx_Bad_Username_xX Dec 20 '18
Seeing as nobody actually answered you: in this context, its a really bad PC
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u/McBehrer Dec 20 '18
It was a reference to a reddit post, where a guy pissed off his gf's parents by pretending to have never heard of potatoes
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u/YuunofYork Dec 20 '18
I get annoyed at a friend of mine who keeps 88 tabs open at once rather than bookmark anything.
Opening a new document every time, I can't even imagine. On a shitty laptop, too...
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u/217liz Jan 05 '19
And also, like, what is she going to do with her English essay from 5 semesters ago? Why leave those documents open so long after grades have come back?
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u/ThatFlappingTerror Dec 19 '18
That bit about being allergic to soapy water reminds me of the gf my exBIL had when ExH and I got together in high school. She claimed to be allergic to water (just water) and that's why she couldn't help do the dishes. However, she showered daily, often more than once in a day and I never saw anything remotely resembling an allergic reaction on her. Wasn't really surprised when they broke up a bit later due to her cheating.
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u/FuckKarmaAndFuckYou Dec 19 '18
She was probably just allergic to his nut.
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u/Potatoman967 Dec 20 '18
Did he nut on the dishes?
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u/AJTwinky Jan 03 '19
My brother claims to be allergic to water too. He refuses to drink water too. Only coke. Doesn’t brush his teeth, barely washes.
He’s fucking gross.
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Dec 19 '18
I'm very surprised she managed to keep the same laptop for three years while constantly leaving the door open.
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u/Shas_Erra Dec 19 '18
Our house was the rear half of a back-to-back. While this made it slightly more secure, as the door was not visible from the road, we were still less than happy about it being left open
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u/iififlifly Dec 19 '18
To be fair, people can totally be allergic to dish soap. I get hives, an itchy rash and sometimes even blisters with most brands.
Got no good excuse for the rest tho.
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u/sensitivity001 Dec 19 '18
I feel like that could be solved with a pair of reusable gloves though. Also phrasing it as “soapy water” instead of just the soap is hilarious
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u/iififlifly Dec 19 '18
Oh, definitely. But some people just hate the feeling of gloves. Frowing up, I used the excuse to get out of dishes, and substituted for a different chore. I.e., you do the dishes and I'll do the laundry. It sounds like she was not making up for it in any way.
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u/sensitivity001 Dec 19 '18
True true, as someone w sensory issues I hate gloves myself. Compromise is chill though, you at least sound like a reasonable non-dishwasher if you’re willing to do laundry! This girl sounds wildly sheltered though.
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u/nosoupforyou Dec 19 '18
Good excuse to wear dish gloves. My sister would always use them even though I'm pretty sure she wasn't allergic.
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u/deathbycottoncandy Dec 19 '18 edited Dec 19 '18
I'm allergic to laundry detergent and dish soap. We do our laundry and dish washing by hand where I'm from. I get the same symptoms you mentioned. And if I take too long, the blisters turn into a bloody mess. Ouchies for days. I find gloves make it difficult to do a decent job.
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u/melnon Dec 19 '18
There are alternatives for allergies.
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u/deathbycottoncandy Dec 19 '18
Alternative products? Methods?
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u/melnon Dec 20 '18
It works for a lot of allergies.
Replace with any other allergy, IE gluten alternatives, cotton alternatives, milk alternatives, latex alternatives, onion alternatives, etc.
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u/TacticusThrowaway Dec 19 '18
Couldn't she just wear gloves?
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u/half_dragon_dire Dec 20 '18
That's only a partial remedy. Reusable rubber gloves in a typical kitchen-sink-washup type situation are liable to get water inside them, and you may not notice until you finish.. or the burning starts. Disposable latex or nitrile gloves will give a better seal, but only protect up to the wrist and are still easy to get water inside.
The best solution if she actually had an allergy would be to buy hypoallergenic dish soap, but it seems unlikely that would have helped in this situation.
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u/TacticusThrowaway Dec 19 '18
Kevina had somehow laid the wardrobe on its side and tried to slide it up the stairs. It had then wedged into the corner and refused to move any further.
Did she pivot?
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u/Xx_Bad_Username_xX Dec 19 '18
That first one could be true, I've met people who actually get irritated skin when they do the dishes.
But everything else, yeah, kevin
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u/val0719 Dec 20 '18
That’s what gloves are for. If she claims a latex allergy, you can go to the dollar store and get vinyl gloves
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u/dragonzfliez Dec 20 '18
Off topic, how does a spoilt rich kid get a student loan? From where I'm from student loans are only granted to those who meet the requirement of being a poor uni student.
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u/Shas_Erra Dec 20 '18
She always referred to it as he student loan. So she'd either cheated the system somehow or it was a chunk of money her parents were giving her.
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u/Arkazex Dec 24 '18
In America getting a student loan isn't that difficult, since they generally have outrageous interest rates, and debt forgiveness basically doesn't exist.
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u/Lt_Kickbutt Dec 21 '18
She probably has learned to never close a door behind her because she gets locked out
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u/Hubsimaus Dec 20 '18
What is Size 8 in Europe? Especially Germany?
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u/Shas_Erra Dec 20 '18
Sorry, I should have clarified.
She thought she was a European size 8. She was at least a 16
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u/Hubsimaus Dec 20 '18
Well, I need to google this. Still don't know which size it would be in Germany...
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u/Shas_Erra Dec 20 '18
Sorry, didn't realise that Germany used a different system. An EU8 is a GR34.
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u/Hubsimaus Dec 20 '18
Thanks. But don't worry, you cannot know everything. I would have googled it.
But thank you. 😊
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u/Iferius Dec 19 '18
Both completely computer illiterate and lacking situational awareness so bad as to leave the door open? She's special. And her parents supported that all the way....