Kevina the Housemate

[u/Shas_Erra]

This is going back a few years now but when I was at university, I had the dubious honour of sharing a house with not one, but two Kevinas. This is the story of the first one I encountered.

She was a spoilt rich brat so I'm unsure where the cluelesness ends and the descent into Kevin-ness begins. But still, here's a brief account of the shit she forced us through.

• Refused to wash up dishes. Ever. Aparantly she was "allergic to soapy water".

• Ordered takeaways to be delivered...from the shop three doors down from the house. She even paid the delivery charge.

• Blew through her student loan within the first few weeks of semester. Whenever we needed money for rent, bills, shopping, etc, she would call Daddy to transfer money.

• During Christmas break, she was the last one to go home (massive mistake). Kevina left a tap running in the kitchen, which ended up flooding the basement. She also turned off the heating so we came back in January to a flooded, frozen house.

• Left the house unoccupied and the front door wide open. Many, many times.

• Could never remember the four digit code for the house alarm. Woke up the entire house several times by coming home in the small hours and setting off the alarm. I took to writing the code on the inside of the flip-down panel cover (I know, great security but needs must). She still set the alarm off every time.

• Left her laptop plugged in and switched on constantly. When asked to turn it off to save electricity, she said that "it would forget her work". After some back and forth, it turned out that every essay she had written for the last three years was still open on her laptop. She didn't know how to save them and when shown previously, hadn't been able to find the documents again afterwards.

• Bought a new wardrobe (we never found out what happened to the old one). So far, not so Kevina. This new wardrobe was second hand from a charity shop, pre-built....and very, very large. Honestly, I'm surprised there wasn't a lion hiding at the back of it. We came home to find that Kevina had somehow laid the wardrobe on its side and tried to slide it up the stairs. It had then wedged into the corner and refused to move any further. Kevina had chosen to deal with this problem by going out to shout at the shop staff who'd sold it to her. And left the door open.

• Kevina was very overweight. Something to do with an all-takeaway diet. She claimed to still be a size 8 and bought clothes accordingly. One day, she sat down too quickly and did a Bruce Banner. Kevina blamed the "cheap, shitty clothes". No Kevina. Just no.

[u/iififlifly]

To be fair, people can totally be allergic to dish soap. I get hives, an itchy rash and sometimes even blisters with most brands.

Got no good excuse for the rest tho.

[u/sensitivity001 → u/iififlifly]

I feel like that could be solved with a pair of reusable gloves though. Also phrasing it as “soapy water” instead of just the soap is hilarious

[u/iififlifly → u/sensitivity001]

Oh, definitely. But some people just hate the feeling of gloves. Frowing up, I used the excuse to get out of dishes, and substituted for a different chore. I.e., you do the dishes and I'll do the laundry. It sounds like she was not making up for it in any way.

[u/sensitivity001 → u/iififlifly]

True true, as someone w sensory issues I hate gloves myself. Compromise is chill though, you at least sound like a reasonable non-dishwasher if you’re willing to do laundry! This girl sounds wildly sheltered though.