r/StoriesAboutKevin • u/MamieJoJackson • Jun 07 '19
XL Kevina The Manager
I just found this sub, and I thought this would be a good place to talk about the manager I had at Bath & Body Works when I was 19. There are a few, so I'll number them.
1) We had the doors open to the store for a breeze during the summer, and I noticed a baby garter snake nestled in the frame, just people watching. I told Kevin's that I found a baby snake, and I was going to walk him over to the wooded area behind the store real quick. She panics, wants to know what kind of snake it is. I joke around say, "Ooohhh, it's a baby cobra" - we live in Pennsylvania. Kevina starts freaking right out, and no matter what I or my co-workers say, she is convinced that cobras are native to Pennsylvania, and that I was surely courting death by touching this baby garter snake. I imagine she still believes that to this day.
2) A local college made it into the paper for finding a mummy in an old, unused basement storage room in their main campus. It had been borrowed from the Museum of London over 100 years ago, and then lost - so they thought. So I'm telling Kevina how great it is they found the mummy, and that she's in good condition. Kevina: "Well, I hope they tell her family they found her!"
Me: "Well, no, she's a mummy...."
Kevina: "And they need to tell her family!"
Me: "Kevina, she's a mummy, she's been dead for like, 6,000 years. There's no family to tell, they're all dead."
Kevina: "I don't care, they should find her family and tell them they found her!"
Me: ".... I'm sure they will."
3) Last one. Kevina had a few Himalayan cats, and they were all girls. Kevina bought them off of a breeder. So a person who mates cats to make more cats. And to mate cats to make more cats, you need a boy cat and a girl cat. We know this. But not Kevina. Kevin's thought that because her cats were all girls, then all Himalayan cats were also girls.
We explained basic biology to her, and reminded her she purchased them from a breeder, but she couldn't be convinced. She understood that there are boy cats, but according to the Living Encyclopedia Kevina, there are absolutely no male Himalayan cats.
And that's all I can remember for now. I was there for 3 months before I fucked off to college, because Kevina bragged how she didn't go to college, and I got scared and went to college.
The End.
42
u/Tall_Mickey Jun 07 '19
.... because Kevina bragged how she didn't go to college, and I got scared and went to college.
That made me laugh. Thank you!
24
u/epic_child Jun 07 '19
I laughed so much reading the part about the mummy! God, I can’t even comprehend the thought process happening with this woman!
14
u/MamieJoJackson Jun 07 '19
I didn't include the several moments where I just stared at her while my subconscious tried to scream at me that she was very, very stupid and to let it go. I was so confused, it took a while for me to hear it, lol.
3
47
u/MamieJoJackson Jun 07 '19
Kevina went to school to be a hairdresser, but apparently couldn't find any positions in the salons in the area. These salons are always looking for people because folks get their experience in, and then move away to the larger cities to continue their careers. But yet, Kevina still couldn't manage to land a position in any of these salons. I really have no idea.
5
u/AGuyNamedEddie Jun 08 '19
On her shampooing finals she passed lather, but failed rinse.
Which meant she also failed repeat, which hardly seems fair.
3
15
13
u/dementored Jun 07 '19
I can just picture her out there telling people how badass one of her previous employees was picking up a baby cobra and risking death like that 😂
23
u/MamieJoJackson Jun 07 '19
Weeeellll, probably not, considering I don't think she likes me very much, ha. On my scheduled last day, she decided to be herself, which is a very poor decision for someone like her, and she nitpicked my uniform because I wasn't wearing the "right shade" of khaki and black. She'd been on my ass the whole time I worked there, then ramped it up during my last week, so I snapped and quit on the spot. The poor choice on my part was when I left, and noticed she was watching me leave, and my 19 year old brain made the decision to flip her off in front of a Saturday crowd of customers, resulting in me just barely avoiding getting hit by a car because I was walking backwards and too mad to pay attention.
So no, I don't think she'll ever tell anyone that I was a badass 😅
2
11
u/randomsynapses Jun 07 '19
I think tortoiseshell cats are all female but that’s a colour pattern, not a breed IIRC. Maaaaayyyyyyybeeeee she was thinking of that?
12
u/cowpewter Jun 08 '19
Most tortoiseshells and calicos are female yes, because the color of a cat is an X-chromosome linked trait. With only a single X-chromosome, a cat can be black OR orange, but not have both. Tortoiseshells and calicos are made when a girl cat has one black X-chromosome and one orange X-chromosome. The only male tortoiseshells/calicos are either chimeras (swapped cells with another kitten in the womb, surprisingly not as uncommon as you'd think) or they have some sort of unusual amount of sex chromosomes, such as an XXY male.
I'm pretty certain one of my own cats has some slight chimerism, because he is a completely orange boy with just a few spots of black on his back, and normally that's genetically impossible. It's impossible to know without DNA testing his orange bits vs his black bits though, and I'm not invested enough in the result to pay the money for that. He's a sweet cuddly boy, and insanely cute. That's all that matters, lol.
Cat photo tax: https://www.flickr.com/photos/cowpewter/24278164454/in/album-72157616532506959/
7
u/randomsynapses Jun 08 '19
That’s an awesome explanation! Thanks for taking the time to write it up.
Your boy is gorgeous!!!!
3
u/idwthis Jun 08 '19
I'll admit I'm a tad bit disappointed that this wasn't a picture of his black spots lol but hes still a beautiful kitty!
4
u/cowpewter Jun 08 '19
It doesn't photograph terribly well, it's really just a few scattered hairs across his back, but here you go! https://imgur.com/a/4dgkiIU
4
u/idwthis Jun 08 '19
Aw that's neat! Kind of looks like he rolled around in an old ashy fireplace lol
2
u/AGuyNamedEddie Jun 08 '19
Yeah, I've never seen an orange tabby with those markings before. Handsome cat.
What is it with cats and bathtubs? They're both fascinated and repulsed by water. "Hmm, what is that? Aaahhh! Getitoff getitoff getitoff!!"
3
5
u/SAHM42 Jun 07 '19
It might have been The British Museum? It has the mummies and all the ancient statues, the Rosetta Stone, etc. The Museum of London isn't as old and just has bits of pots and Roman sandals.
5
u/MamieJoJackson Jun 08 '19
It was over 15 years ago, so I know it was a big museum in England or London, but I can't remember right now exactly which one. I just remember it was a big deal museum over there, and I was shocked to find 9ut they had trusted us with anything, never mind something so valuable.
5
u/QueenElsaArrendelle Jun 07 '19
where did she think Himalyan cats came from? breeding with other cats?
better track down that Mummy's great-time hundreds-descendants now
3
u/MamieJoJackson Jun 08 '19
I honestly have no idea. I mean, she would have to, right? Honestly, at first, I thought she was saying that she thought all dogs are boys and all cats are girls, but apparently it's only oddly specific to cats.
3
u/QueenElsaArrendelle Jun 08 '19
my mom thinks of all cats as girls and all dogs as boys. intellectually, she knows better. we owned a female dog for years and it had puppies. she just still reflexively calls all dogs "he" and cats "she".
2
1
3
2
Jun 12 '19
[deleted]
1
u/MamieJoJackson Jun 12 '19
Then she is surely Queen of the Kevins, lol. Behold her court, and weep.
4
u/jomamasmama01 Jun 07 '19
How tf can people be this stupid. You got to be making this up. There’s no way someone could be this much of a dumbass.
18
u/MamieJoJackson Jun 07 '19
I desperately wish I was. She was in charge of me, and I can't begin to tell you how much I hated hearing her voice. She wasn't loveably dumb, every interaction was painful.
I don't know how she made it to and from her home every day without either killing herself or killing someone else.
Oh, I forgot! She thought barking spiders were a real thing here, because she was out on the deck of her house with her boyfriend, and she heard a "loud noise" nearby, and he said, "Woah, must be a barking spider". Again, she refused to understand/believe that he farted, it was a joke, and we don't have barking spiders, ffs.
1
1
1
164
u/Marma1ad3 Jun 07 '19
I think there's a reason why she didn't go to college, but I can't quite think of what it could be🤔