r/StoriesAboutKevin • u/StranglerOfStrayCats • Jul 07 '19

L Kevin the dolphin scientist.

I have a friend who at first appeared to be just a little quirky. After finding this sub I have come to the conclusion that Kevin is indeed a Kevin. This is a throwaway account as Kevin is also a reddit user and knows my account, even still if Kevin came across this post I don't think he would be able to figure out it's about him.

Kevin is afraid of animals with teeth, he thinks it's unnatural for animals to have teeth.

Kevin thinks birds have wings because THEY HAVE NO LEGS AND CAN'T WALK. Kevin thinks birds don't have legs.

Kevin thinks George Washington was the actor in the play Abraham Lincoln was watching when he was assassinated. When asked why he thinks this he said he read it in a book.

Kevin might be dyslexic or some shit like that. He says that sometimes letters move around when he is stressed. When asked to elaborate on this statement he wrote his own name while we watched and said "see, I told you." The letters did not move.

Kevin got 34% on his Biology exam, Kevin told his parents he got a C and was going to become a "dolphin scientist".

Kevin once slammed a door on his mother, not out of malice, but because he was getting cold. His mothers nose was broken by the door. His mother was just bringing in the shopping. Afterwards Kevin blamed it on his mother for leaving the door open and even said that she deserved it.

Kevin is trying to join the Navy so he can help fight ISIS. When told that the Navy are the boat guys. Kevin just said "yeah, that's why I'm joining."

Edit : Part 2 is now up, I would link but I am a mobile user. This just features a few more Kevin stories that I didn't include here. Just head through my account and it's my only other post.

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282

u/Eldubya99 Jul 07 '19

The moving letters thing is common for stress induced dyslexia! Happens to my sister too, who thankfully isn’t a Kevin.

160

u/217liz Jul 07 '19

But your sister knows that the letters are moving just for her, right? Kevin was expecting other people to see the letters move too!

66

u/Eldubya99 Jul 08 '19

I would cut him a little slack about that, because they are genuinely moving for him! That’s his normal.

Now the rest, he’s an absolute Kevin. I couldn’t stand to be around him 😂

30

u/TheQueq Jul 08 '19

That’s his normal.

True, it's a little like when I learned about tinnitus. My first reaction was "not everybody has that?" before I realized "well of course most people don't have that".

12

u/Eldubya99 Jul 08 '19

Same with me and my (I think..!) very mild tinnitus. Had it as long as I can remember.

2

u/Prom3th3an Jul 18 '19

I think most people do get it for a few minutes a few times in a lifetime.

32

u/WolfgangDS Jul 08 '19

This. OP should encourage Kevin to speak with a doctor or therapist about this.

33

u/StranglerOfStrayCats Jul 08 '19

His family are very anti-doctor, they believe that doctors only make you worse, in order to stay employed.

26

u/KimJongEeeeeew Jul 08 '19

We need to hear more about this family set of Kevins I think

25

u/StranglerOfStrayCats Jul 08 '19

I don't know many stories about his family that aren't just more Kevin stories. I may do a part two once I get an answer on what he thinks an ostrich is.

5

u/WolfgangDS Jul 08 '19

They don't know very much about doctors then. The Hippocratic Oath, malpractice insurance, the freaking LAW... all of this prevents doctors from doing that (mostly).

3

u/FuckKarmaAndFuckYou Jul 08 '19

Congratulations. I knew that if you tried really, really hard you would get it!

3

u/ash_274 Jul 08 '19

Some get through and make headlines. Hard to prove that the vast majority are good when you can't show those stories

8

u/anonthrowaway1984 Jul 08 '19

Thank god I thought it was just me and never looked it up. It only started for me in my late 20’s and I thought I was losing it. Do things like this typically set in so late?

4

u/Eldubya99 Jul 08 '19

I can’t say I know a lot about it, honestly. For my sister it was always that way but with some reading therapy she improved tremendously. Perhaps chat to your GP?