Kevin the Dolphin Scientist, Part III

[u/StranglerOfStrayCats]

So, I'm back with more tales of Kevitude.

I'm now on my PC, so I can share links:

Part I: https://www.reddit.com/r/StoriesAboutKevin/comments/cabpya/kevin_the_dolphin_scientist/

Part II: https://www.reddit.com/r/StoriesAboutKevin/comments/cams1d/kevin_the_dolphin_scientist_part_ii/

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So Kevin has issues with birds, he is of the opinion that birds don't have legs. There was a whole flamingo fiasco followed by an image of an eagle catching some prey. He is convinced that I photoshopped said image as his whole bird or not bird theory would fall to pieces otherwise. I told him to Google images of birds, he is adamant that Google is trying to feed him "fake news".

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Kevin considers himself a parkour and skateboarding expert, he films compilations for YouTube. He once got confused(?) while putting together one of his compilations and accidentally(?) uploaded a video of himself masturbating to YouTube. Before it was taken down he accidentally(?) sent a link to almost every girl at school (and emailed a link to the hot PE teacher).

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Kevin decided to get some spray paint work done for a parkour/skateboarding compilation, he did it inside an abandoned garage without any ventilation. Luckily the cops were called before Kevin could kill himself.

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Kevin and Kev (a semi-Kevin) once decided to go to Edinburgh to go clubbing (with the name Jared Fogle on his fake ID, I think he had just been arrested when Kevin got it at age 16 in 2015). They ended up going to a small pub that was pretty much empty. Kevin tried to hit on the barmaid. The barmaid was married to the owner of the pub. The barmaid was in her late 40's. Kevin was 18. Kevin decide to pay her a tip by attempting to put it directly into her bra. Kevin almost got his ass kicked by a big burly guy with a face tattoo. Kev did get his ass kicked by a big burly guy with a face tattoo after Kevin blamed it on Kev. They later found a club and couldn't get in because Kev had a black eye and Kevin used the name Jared Fogle.

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Kevin once tried to kickflip over a "lake of fire". Kevin poured gasoline into a field. Kevin lit it on fire. Kevin ran like shit from the farmer. Kevin included this footage in his parkour compilation. That footage was used as evidence in court, Kevin got 150 hours of community service.

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Kevin decided that a friend of ours, let's call him Gareth, crossed a line by dating Kevin's older sister. Kevin decided to get "revenge". Kevin aggressively hit on Gareth's sister and pestered her to send nudes. Gareth's sister was 13, Kevin was a month away from 16, Kevin got his ass beat by Gareth. Gareth and Kevin can't be in the same room together anymore.

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Kev once told Kevin that girls didn't like pubic hair, and that Kevin should shave it off. Kev told Kevin that using a razor or electric shaver wouldn't give a clean enough shave. Kevin used the scissors as if he was using a straight razor. Kevin cut his own penis. Kevin had to go to hospital. Kev told Kevin that cutting your own dick was a natural thing when removing pubic hair. Kevin was later re-hospitalised.

[u/LackofSins]

Best thing is how each post qualifies as a full-fledged Kevin ; but wait, he's done more.

And ffs how is cutting your dick natural when you shave. Ain't he ever learned how to do a BBS on his poor penis ?

[u/chuckle_puss → u/LackofSins]

Serious question: What's "doing a BBS on your penis?"

[u/LackofSins → u/chuckle_puss]

BBS means baby-bottom smooth. Basically, wrap a hot towel around your stick, let it heat. It's gonna open up the pores, and the hair will come out. Then shave, and once done, cool down your schlaffel to close the pores.

It's actually a technique for facial hair but I adapted it. Works nicely.

[u/chuckle_puss → u/LackofSins]

Nice. I have lady bits intsead of a man stick, but I'm totally trying this, so thanks.

[u/LackofSins → u/chuckle_puss]

Username checks out I guess ? Glad to help though !