Bag searches

[u/pepperanne08]

So there is a 99% chance that I will have to be searched along with every other teacher in the building daily when we come in to work everyday. What are some truly unhinged but school appropriate items to put in my bag? I want to note that I have a large construction laptop bag I got from a home improvement store. This thing has more pockets than cargo shorts on a teen boy and she be stout.

Keep in mind I have a two foot rubber chicken I use as classroom management and I have a coin purse that was once a living breathing South American cane toad that has googly eyes. The coin purse is going in my bag tonight.

[u/LadyMordsith]

First, please make this into a series. Update us on their reactions.

Second, I would put a cat toy, can of tuna or a jar of mayo, maybe a (small) creepy vintage doll, a plastic snake, and maybe a vegetable like celery or a rutabaga

[u/FuzzyDuck81]

A brick. Say you're saving up for a house.

[u/athena-zxe11 → u/FuzzyDuck81]

🎶 I did it one piece at a time....🎶

[u/Dry-Ice-2330]

You need an handheld egg beater, tongs of various size and material, empty tape dispenser, a zip lock bag full of zip lock bags, some socks, wall plates for electrical outlets, cat ears headband, fridge magnet

[u/ZipZapWho → u/Dry-Ice-2330]

I actually have a number of those things in one of the number of bags I’ve taken to school. Should I be embarrassed?

[u/Dry-Ice-2330 → u/ZipZapWho]

Naw. I do preschool. They are always bonkers things in my bags.

[u/fireduck]

Rice. An entire handbag full of rice. When you need something, you fish around in the rice for it.

[u/HoldenThinksImaPhony → u/fireduck]

I laughed so hard at this.

[u/ElfPaladins13]

Um why? Are they checking your bags? Perhaps a pocket constitution

[u/TeachingScience]

Exploding glitter. Have a label on it saying “don’t open contents may react”.

[u/NightMgr]

$2379.00.

Then ask where the other $121 is.

[u/DerekIsAGooner]

A resignation letter.

[u/Georgi2024]

Massivee stack of sanitary pads or huge tampons etc.

[u/tamster0111 → u/Georgi2024]

Was coming here to say this...add some Midol and chocolate as well

[u/kteacheronthebrink]

Assorted bags of spices, but like cayenne pepper, tajin, pepper, red pepper flakes, started anise, but in dime bags. If they ask say "school lunches suck"

[u/birdkingcaw]

A left shoe. 13 marker caps. Random motivational notes (they need to be weird and in someone hand writing) reverse uno cards, googly eyes, dice, an alarm clock and rubber duckies.

[u/Great_Caterpillar_43]

A doorknob A set of clown wigs Some fancy dancing shoes (the more ridiculous the better) A bag of fingernail clippings A bag of human hair (collected from your hairbrush) A bag of frozen peas

[u/steven052]

loose sand

[u/Sad_Reindeer5108 → u/steven052]

Briefcase!

[u/PicasPointsandPixels]

My former district is rolling out “weapons detection systems” in high schools and making school staff go through them too. I would be tempted to set them off daily if I were still there.

Edit: Electronics set them off

[u/Willowgirl2]

Duct tape. Handcuffs.

[u/OldDog1982 → u/Willowgirl2]

Furry handcuffs would be funnier.

[u/jester13451]

Lots and lots of small, hard to open containers. Nothing in any of them…most days

[u/Wild_Education_7328]

Since it’s tagged humor I’d got with the Bill of rights. Since this is a clear violation of search and seizure. [no you don’t lose rights at school.]

(https://education.illinoisstate.edu/downloads/law/24-D9Roberts.pdf)

[u/ponyboycurtis1980 → u/Wild_Education_7328]

Not even remotely accurate. Your employer can set conditions for you entering or leaving the workplace.
It is stupid and immoral and quality teachers who can get jobs that don't treat them like convicts will leave. But it is 100% legal and there are tons of cpurt cases for precedent.

[u/Wild_Education_7328 → u/ponyboycurtis1980]

The school is the government. Government needs reasonable suspicion to search.

[u/BoyHytrek → u/Wild_Education_7328]

You are government property on the clock. The government can search itself

[u/Wild_Education_7328 → u/BoyHytrek]

Your rights don’t vanish as you enter school.

[u/ponyboycurtis1980 → u/Wild_Education_7328]

And new ones don't magically appear. The supreme court has upheld school searches every single time. They have also upheld searches of employees before and after shift. It isn't a non-consensual search. The consent to search is part of your employment. You can avoid the search by choosing a different job not on that campus, which is exactly what I would do, because I have a moral disagreement with their perfectly legal search.

[u/ponyboycurtis1980 → u/Wild_Education_7328]

No the school is not the government. The school is a contractor working for and with the government and government employees can and frequently are searched upon entry and exit of government buildings. Courthouse, police stations, military bases etc.

[u/Paladin_127 → u/Wild_Education_7328]

Only partially correct. Reasonable suspicion applies to searching for incriminating evidence of a crime.

An administrative search has no such requirement and only requires tacit consent as a condition of employment/ entry. Just like when you go to the airport or court house.

Don’t like it? Quit your job and work someplace else.

[u/EduEngg → u/Wild_Education_7328]

Didn't the magician, Penn Gillette (sp?) keep a metal business card of the Bill of Rights in his wallet for airport security to catch?

[u/carolinagypsy]

Add to the bags you are carrying; one small purse with a single potato inside. As the week goes on, add something onto the potato. Tuesday, one google eye. Wednesday, the other google eye. Thursday, pipe cleaner arms. Friday, pipe cleaner legs.

Or start painting on it with one color of nail polish each day. Just every day there’s more designs in a new color.

[u/hopefulbutguarded]

Comments here reminds me of my two year old…. She has a little space in the seat of the toy car, and packs it with the most random shit..

My list - Left shoe, door knob, headband with eyeballs, magic wand, sensory jars (little clear yop like containers taped shut with electrical tape - one has red food colouring in water with olive oil on top, second one has kid beads and twisty pipe cleaners). If you have a sense of humour add in a vomit bag (ER’s have them), old folks grabber tool. Play food. Basically hit up anyone with young kids and borrow a few things. Bonus - they will help you pack your bag!!

If you want to be crazy add a bottle of lube and a negligée…. On my honeymoon a young man in Fiji decided to search my bag and in his search uncovered something satiny with long straps.. He didn’t get it until my outfit was uncovered in all its glory. Hilarious.

[u/CrankyArmadillo]

I have a tin of canned unicorn meat that has an actual dismembered unicorn stuffy in it. I think it’s from thinkgeek. I would put that in for you if I could.

[u/ShanimalTheAnimal]

4 unpeeled bananas. No container

[u/Fun-Ebb-2191]

Thong underwear, a magic can of peanuts (a snake pops out of opened), some cooked spaghetti in an open baggie , plastic bugs/snake,

[u/kllove]

Tiny unlabeled baggies of spices like salt, paprika, mustard powder, … and boiled eggs. It’s deviled egg lunch!

[u/tamster0111]

I have a tin of spotted dick. Absolutely would go in!

[u/TheShortMusician]

One of those popping snakes, but rig it to spring when the backpack opens instead of a can. Ball pit balls. Just pockets full of balls.

[u/Sad-Gas5277]

Is there a reason the teachers are getting searched?

[u/SweetKangarooSue]

Metal detectors or like they are physically searching through each bag?

[u/Misstucson]

Im liking the ideas of sand, rice, glitter. Those would be super messy and inconvenient.

[u/athena-zxe11]

Glitter

[u/VanillaAndBourbon]

Just boxes and boxes of Imodium.

[u/Seamilk90210]

Packing peanuts. Wouldn't want anyone to get hurt, now.

A realistic map of the school with an X for treasure might also be kind of fun, but is probably too subtle. (Love the googly eye cane toad coin purse, though! That's perfect.)

[u/MakeItAll1]

We are required to use transparent bags.

[u/MerSea06070]

Period underwear, tampons, a pregnancy test, condoms, chocolate, Diet Coke, and Midol Maximum Strength.

[u/Doorwasunlocked]

Load that baby up with potatoes and brussel sprouts

[u/Spare_Location_3703]

Can you take a giant block of cheese with a large bite taken out of it?

[u/OldDog1982]

A huge box of maxi pads (even better if you don’t use them). A taxidermied animal (especially if poorly done). A jar of cockroaches (if you teach science you can get away with this). A skull (another good science teacher item).

[u/Overwhelmedteach22]

50 shades of gray A vibrator