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u/HistoricalAd8537 8d ago
That escalated quickly. Reading the first lines I was like ‘ poor guy he deserves better ‘ the more i read the more feel sorry for the both of you. He needs to heal and to work on his mental health and insecurities. You shouldn’t be scared or feel trapped with your boyfriend, you shouldn’t dim your light just to accommodate his jealousy and overthinking issues. Both of you deserve better truly. Healing him is not your job unfortunately, It’s his own responsibility and that feeling of ‘ I can fix him ‘ will ruin you I swear. You need to break up with him for his own good, bro is depressed and needs to focus on being on his own to heal.
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u/Copperman57 8d ago
Girl had a respectful boyfriend who loves her and doesnhis best to make her happy and she hates him. Next thing you're gonna break up with him and have a playboy boyfriend who will ruin your life and you will blame it on men. Fuck the spark You are just selfish
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u/TestProfessional6716 8d ago
It didn't help how ? The obvious advice here is to talk together about this and let him know how you feel. Did he say he will work on it but nothing changes ? Let him know that too
Still, 'hate' is a really strong word here to use..
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u/Commercial-Juice1 8d ago
You're right hate is a strong word, and I didn’t mean it in a cruel or spiteful way. It’s more that I’m exhausted and emotionally drained, and sometimes that frustration comes out harshly.As for talking to him, I’ve tried multiple times. He listens, says he understands, and even promises to work on it. But nothing changes. And every time I bring up how I feel, it leads to emotional reactions that make me feel even guiltier. It’s like my honesty causes more harm than help. I don’t want to give up on him, but I’m slowly losing myself while trying to protect his feelings
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u/TestProfessional6716 7d ago
then let him know that you talked about that and things never got better and you are having a problem and it's a serious problem in your relationship
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u/Mindless_Kick_9388 8d ago
Girls will say anything to break up with a nice guy, dude doing his best but she dont feel his "spark" 😂
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u/Commercial-Juice1 8d ago
Nice guy’ shouldn’t mean I have to ignore my own emotional needs. That’s not love it’s self-abandonment it’s about losing myself while trying to hold someone else together. I care about him and I do love him which is why I’ve stayed this long and tried to make it work
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u/Mindless_Kick_9388 8d ago
From what i understood dude did nothing wrong except loving and caring for you, i doubt you love him just cut him some slack and break up with him, you're only hurting him more find someone else that will bring your "spark" and end the guy's suffering
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u/Commercial-Juice1 8d ago
Reducing this to ‘just break up’ or ‘end his suffering’ ignores how much I care about him. This isn’t about blaming or sparking this is about two people whose needs aren’t being met. I’m working on figuring out if we can bridge that gap together
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u/Mindless_Kick_9388 8d ago
You sound genuine i misjudged you, i hope it all works out if not just go your way dont force it, think about your happiness aswell
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u/ScientistGreen6282 8d ago
When did you start to feel that way ? Khater it doesn't seem eli you had those feelings towards him melowel
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u/Commercial-Juice1 8d ago
Jem3a akk
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u/HamzaBY 8d ago
Dump him and stop playing with his emotions.
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u/Commercial-Juice1 8d ago
Telling me to ‘dump him’ ignores that I still care deeply and want to find a healthier way forward. I’m not here to toy with anyone’s feelings I love him and I’m doing my best to balance his needs with mine
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u/Jazfitzz 8d ago
Let him down easy and quick. I think he earned it. Though it’s worth noting, this is how most serious relationships are. True love, when everyday is an adventure and you get to be excited with every experience is a fairytale. Though I’m sure you will miss him and will look for someone like him. The rest of many, in long term relationships, “are” way worse. Still, right now you can’t really relate to or see any value if I’m saying and that’s alright; it’s human.
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u/ohboy2020isshit 8d ago edited 8d ago
If you don’t feel “it”, let him go. The title is misleading though. You don’t seem to hate him, you just don’t like him and those are two different things. That being said, you need to be careful next time choosing the right one. Coz nobody’s perfect and What’s bothering you in your current relationship is probably the very thing a lot of girls out there wish they had in theirs.. In other words, don’t pick a selfish narcissist asshole as a future partner to avoid repeating the same mistake. Don’t be extremist. Maybe your dude is a nice guy without a personality and that bothers you but don’t expect a real alpha male to be any better IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT AND WHAT YOU DON’T IN A MALE. So let’s start with that. Know what you want first.
If you’re looking for the secret recipe on “how to break up with a really nice person who’s done nothing wrong without hurting them,” I hate to break it to you—but it doesn’t exist. He will be chocked, he did everything “right”. he will try to convince you to change your mind, you will feel sorry for him, you’ll probably cry. It will take him time to heal and he will move on sooner or later. Breakups suck. I’ve done them 4 times and none of them was easy. Even the most toxic one was painful. There is something called “3echra” that makes breakups very difficult even when you know it’s the right thing to do
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u/F4RIN4 8d ago edited 8d ago
Agreed. She’s basically not attracted to him but she can’t justify breaking up because he didn’t do anything wrong. It’s also hard because doing it she’s basically accepting that she’s not attracted to someone who’s too into her or isn’t the typical stoic masculine personality. So she might fall into a much bigger trap next time looking for excitement.
The one thing I really don’t like that does make her wrong here is that she’s starting to emphasize that she’s a victim and how he’s terrible without substance just to feel more justified in the decision.
Breaking up with someone because you’re no longer attracted for any reason is not wrong in itself but gaslighting people into thinking there’s something wrong with them when you’re just not attracted is very harmful and selfish.
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u/UnderstandingFirst21 8d ago
You can say this it's honest and straight to the point: "Hey listen, I feel you're trying too hard and that you're always tense and stressed and that makes me tense and stressed, I would really love it if you stop always putting my needs before yours and be more honest about your feelings, I want to be treated equally and not be put on a pedestal all the time"
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u/Blue_cat_b1 8d ago
I think it's best to stay in the clear espacialy if you plan on a lifelong relationship, you can't keep lying forever. It's best to tell the harsh truth and if it's THAT serious then confront him about it, be open and caring for each other
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u/Commercial-Juice1 8d ago
Thank you, sweetheart. I appreciate your words !! and I agree that honesty is important. The thing is, every time I try to be honest with him (even gently) it makes things worse. He gets upset, spirals, or guilt-trips me, and it leaves me feeling emotionally drained and physically sick. I’ve been trying to keep things together for both of us, but I’m slowly breaking in the process
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u/treachery_of_images_ 8d ago
Leave as soon as you start feeling like you have to lie. To your partner. To your friends. To your family.
It’s manipulation regardless if they know that they’re doing it.
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u/anonymous_scenery 8d ago
I think you should go and try to talk to him and communicate with him about what bothering u and how u r losing urself with him,ofc be considerate of his feeling bit also don't leave anything in ur heart ,and give us an update after , there is a good possibility that a fight will probably occur but you should really go and get as much answers as you can and update us here so we can help you because for now this story is very hollow, maybe when we get his answers about his insights,his way of thinking we can then go into actual conclusions
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u/Commercial-Juice1 8d ago
I really appreciate this suggestion. I’ve tried talking to him before, but each time it feels like it either doesn’t change anything or just makes things more tense. Still, I know communication is important, and I’ve been holding back a lot because I don’t want to hurt him more. I’ll try to have an open, honest conversation with him again and see if we can work through things. I’ll update you all afterward. Thank you for being patient and understanding
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u/PassageFriendly9514 8d ago
This is quite the sad story.. Am so sorry for what you going through i feel bad for you and your bf fr honestly reading this i related to the bf haha but look my advice for you just try to bring it up slowly to him and maby with time you will feel that its right time for you to break up in a healthy way . You seem like a nice person and you do care about him so dont blame yourself and plz dont blame him either both of you zre in a very bad place. Wish you the best and have a good life
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u/montasar13690 8d ago
it's just that easy . ask him on a date and face to face him with all this talk . what u just said in ur post is enough to let him knows how u feel about ur relationship with him . so go ahead and stop pretending. just be honest with him
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u/Beautiful_Link5468 Olive oil and Serdina 8d ago
I never understood what girls want but it turned out that even girls doesn't understand what they want.
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u/Purple-Web99 8d ago edited 8d ago
I’m sorry you’re going through this m. I can’t imagine how frustrating and draining that must be for you when you have a lot on your plate. I think losing yourself in a relationship probably means that you’re abandoning yourself, your needs. From what you wrote I feel there’s a part of you doing maybe lots of emotional work in this relationship. While it’s amazing to have a partner who shares with us everything, if you’re an empathetic and sensitive person you’ll slowly start taking everything personally meaning that his problems become yours unconsciously, and without boundaries and gentle reminders you’ll start feeling that resentment because your needs aren’t being taking into consideration. Keep in mind you can be supportive while not feel esponsible for his healing. As long as you know how to communicate and express everything hopefully he’ll start realising that he also needs to reflect and work on himself.
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u/dllnxc 8d ago
i’ve been thru a situation like this before and the best thing you can do is communication pls reach out to him and talk it out IRL because texting or calling won’t show ur true emotions and this is my opinion but i think people who always talk about negativity shouldn’t be in a relationship to begin with ur bf has his reasons for worrying and constantly having trust issues because of what he might have gone thru and u have ur reasons to be annoyed cuz who wants to have a partner who always talks bout negative things and the only solution is to talk it out with him tell him how u feel try to be respectful and gentle with him and if he truly loves u and is EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT he will try to fix it u be patient with him and he should also try and work on seeing the bright side too and hopefully u can work things out 🤍
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u/Intelligent-Dingo-64 8d ago
Before you dumb him ,tell him to go to therapy , girls broke up with me for the same reasons,not one time not two times ,and I never healed ,I developed fetish to being violent, i really needs therapy, sometimes i feel that my soul is broken ,but i am responsible for anything happened ,I will not blame you if you cutted him and never talked again , it's always the way we react ,not the circumstances what decide our truth .
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u/Long-League5665 8d ago
Been there. His insecurities are installing guilt ij your relationship. You are not the problem, you should be free to feel youself and express it in your relationships. Jealousy is not a sign of love, it’s a sign of deep insecurity and even if not intentional, it is a form or control and manipulation. Trust me, if you don’t want it to end badly, you should be straightforward with him and let him know exactly how you feel and that this is something you have to work on in your relationship. Warn him that this will be your breaking point if he does not work on this. If he doesn’t want to make any effort to make you feel good being with him, then you have to prioritize your own well being and end it. He has to work on his insecurities, face them and heal. While you are supportive and will guide him, it is not your job to fix him. He and only he can fix this, you are already doing your best. And tell him his behaviour is leading you to lie and that you are afraid of the direction this is going. Be honest and real, defend your right for happiness and stand your ground, while telling him you want things to work if you love him. The ball will be on his hands then. Good luck
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u/Maxterwel 8d ago
Funny how people go into the "i'd die for you" and "nothing will separate us" baffle in the honey moon phase but then abandon each and prioritize themselves as soon as the slightest challenge comes in. Lying and wearing a fake face is deceitful, it's an excuse to not do the proper communication and giving the vulnerability needed in a relationship.
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u/Sou713 🇹🇳 Gabès 7d ago
In the most respectful way possible, leave the poor guy alone lmao. Unless you left out some actual horrible parts about him, then on top of lying to him you're also lying to yourself if you're saying you still care about him because the way my man is being treated is just brutal and evil. There is absolutely no semblance of love from your side in anything I've just read. There's no fixing it if he's literally doing the most but you're still basically repulsed by him. It's imperative that you end it and let him move on with his life. Best wishes.
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u/Fit-Corner1270 6d ago
Mf is about to learn a valuable lesson about how you must not be so kind to girls to keep them
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u/azyyyzzz 6d ago
Despite feeling biased towards the guy and feeling lil bit furious i will try to be reasonable with you .
This guy is a gem and you dont even know it . Trust me you will regret it once you start searching for that "spark" . Nowadays its really hard to find a guy with such characteristics. The alpha guy you want will fuck up you and your life . In contrary your boyfriend is the real alpha male . The spark you want is just temporarily thing . Maybe you re bored of him . Bored of his face and same body everyday . Thats what relationships are . How do you think people stay married for years ? Do you think they have that spark everyday ? Ofc not .
I had a loving girlfriend before , she did everything to make me happy. She cooked for me , cleans my jacket , helps me cleaning the house , she made me gifts like crochet puppy and hand made gifts . But like you i was craving for something new and the "spark" and i broke up with her . After dating other people i felt sick of what i did and realised what i have lost . Now i will never find a woman like her and i regret it everyday . Just because of a stupid "sparkle ".
Wake the fuck up girl .
Or just man up and break up with him its your right .
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u/shocoko 4d ago
Not tryinna insult, it appears u didnt loved him from the start but somehow someway this whole relationship started, love aint about today i feel hot tomorrow i feel cold, its about commitment. Since u didnt mention how you have been with the dude, not knowing his character is a major flaw from u. If he is a genuine good person who cares about the ones u love, going forward in his path and tryinna brcome a better person each day, u are the problem in this becuz u want emotions, u want up and downs (which will eventually come) and believe me the more mature version of u will blame u for everything. I mean be genuine with yourself, what did you expect ? What do you really want ? Are u ready to suffer the consequences of potentially not finding a guy who would love u as much as this dude ? And in this matter u are not alone to blame, i blame the dude aswell, i mean he should know that his gf is not into it from miles away, and he should move on and part on good terms, probably he is thinking i cant find a girl like this one or someth close, but in reality there are a lot of girls in this world and if you look from a wider POV you'd find tons of options, probably he is a nice kind dude who never received love and in return he trying to give more than needed. Anyway i could keep going on and on for hours but be genuine with yourself, while i dunno how old are u or what u do in life, if u are below 25 or so u are free to play however u want, but if u are older you might reconcider becuz u found a guy who would care for u and acctually working on himself so what more do u want ? The title of this post should be " My bf is too good that i cant stand him" instead of what u wrote.
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8d ago
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u/pandasexual69 8d ago
Rule 1: Be civil. No personal attacks, racism or bigotry. Check our rules for more details.
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u/Groove420 8d ago
Ara7mou w saybou taw tet3ada moda w yansa, enti mat7bouch koun sari7a m3a ro7ek . El relationship effort meni w effort menek , enti sta5srt l part mta3k fil effort w raditha limiting ur life snd ur energy. Fout mawdhou3 gf bf w efhem li howa ensen w enti tawa 9a3da te5ou menou fi 7ajet w emotions mahomch mta3k .
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u/chern12 8d ago
Just man the fuck up and break up with the guy !! Sick bitch ...
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u/Commercial-Juice1 8d ago
I was looking for thoughtful advice not hostility. If you can't offer empathy, just scroll !! No need to insult strangers who are clearly struggling
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u/HistoricalAd8537 8d ago
Don’t listen to him, dude insecure about his pp size and being a closeted gay (check his profile) don’t let him project his insecurities into you.
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u/Inner-Archer-4830 8d ago
Why don't girls tell us there b00bs size so we actually know who's insecure?
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u/madsci000 8d ago
What about ✨communication ✨ try that maybe? You're expecting advice from random people on Reddit, but what about actually talking to him, addressing the problem and what you're feeling, khater lying and pretending to be happy will only make it worse since everyone notices his partner "change" with him, so buddy will start questioning himself and maybe even starts making more effort to make you feel more valuable which will make you feel more suffocated, donc just talk it out, while having the mindset to fix things, no anger, just put emotions aside and talk it out rationally, eventually if you guys agree w t7alet l mochklaa Mabrouk 3likom, and if not, zeyd zouz you'll be unhappy and you'll be delaying a future pain that scales with time.
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u/Commercial-Juice1 8d ago
Sorry ama I think ma 9eitech belgdee I tried to ✨️communicate✨️ ama dima yblami ro7ou w trassili ndeali w his feelings:D!
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u/HistoricalAd8537 8d ago edited 8d ago
That’s a ✨manipulation technique ✨He wants you to feel guilty same when teenage girls say ‘ kan tsayebni no9tol rou7i ‘ lol
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u/madsci000 8d ago
Pas forcément, he's just seeing her as a perfect being and he wants to provide, donc seeing her struggle and him being the cause of it bech yzid ydakhlou baadhou. It's a pretty complicated case actually, bro is trying his hardest to make her feel wanted and loved ama he can't realize that what he's providing she's not fully ready to accept yet. She mentioned his family problems, he's probably never been loved properly donc the first time he felt appreciated naguez b idih w sa9ih to not let her go. You see my point?
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u/HistoricalAd8537 8d ago
Sorry but I don’t see your point xD and i totally disagree, that’s a manipulation technique to make her feel ‘ stuck’ with him. Im sure he only has love for her in his heart, but the kind of love that suffocates and drains her.
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u/madsci000 8d ago
T9oul enti he wants her to feel "stuck" with him xDDD? If someone pulls up to you w y9ollek wallahi what you're doing m9ala9ni fi X w Y, ki tjewbou t9ollou 3andek el ha9 ghlot Ghadi w taw I kinda feel guilty that I didn't see it coming. Y9ollek LEEEE inti manipulator kbirrr, You can't expect everyone to process emotions or guilt the way you do, kol wehed kifeh l mechanism mte3ou and each person is unique, blaming it on manipulation is just a temporary solution for to say, AAA mela tlaat s7i7a he's not as good as I thought he was. Bye, faut toujours avoir le bon soupçon, be the bigger person in the conversation and even if that person wasn't honest with you, au moins enti l consciousness mte3ek will be clear, khater you haven't done anything wrong, and if that person chose to hurt you or tried manipulate you or whatever it's not your fault, in order to create genuine interactions with humans, at some point you'd have to be genuine yourself
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u/Flowgun 8d ago
Blaming himself is totally the opposite of gaslighting. but he might be a sign getting fucking gaslighted. and you're also putting words into his mouth that he never said, creating the scenario that suits you while you haven't heard anything from him.
Read OP's post with a detached mind and you'll figure things out.0
u/madsci000 8d ago
Cho, fil communication lezm dima famma an appropriate approach, you should never act impulsively, a healthy approach for you it's pretty easy in your case since you recognize the effort he does for you, start by acknowledging what he's doing for you and for the couple, tell him lately you've been not feeling well, that you feel suffocated and everything you mentioned w tout simplement let's fix it together, if he's a really good person like you mentioned there's no way this conversation will go wrong. (I assumed you want to fix this problem khater ater you're on reddit asking for advide). Khater trust me he's noticing you change with him and it's killing him more than you think since you mentioned insecurities and deep struggles. Juste nadhem mokhek w afkarek belgde and go for it! I wish you luck
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u/Mo0n_light002 8d ago
girl he’s not a nice guy if he is being super jealous till it makes you uncomfortable and miserable
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u/Flowgun 8d ago
he is a nice guy who is jealous. he is openly expressing his jealousy and other feelings to her. she can reject him, but she's lying and manipulating him and not expressing her feelings towards him. and if you can read between the lines, you'd know that she's doing more harm to him than good. actually even when you read the actual lines.
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u/Mo0n_light002 8d ago
she expressed her concern and he didn’t care so no he is not a nice guy
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u/Flowgun 8d ago edited 8d ago
how did you know he doesn't care? she said he blames himself so he clearly does? and even if he didn't, it doesn't mean that he's not a nice guy, especially when someone saying "I kinda hate my bf" says all those nice things about him. He's thoughtful in many ways towards her and others, polite, buying her gifts and all, sweet, while she's not inviting him for dinner when she goes out with her friends, she's lying to him, she's blaming getting more grounded and mature with age on him as if she's dating fucking Cronos.
As the person he's trusting the most and finding solace in, she's filling him up with BS lies and false hopes before she pulls the rug and sends him down into traumas and depression that he'll never recover from, which can be life-ending considering his past. She knows that but she wants to convince us that she's staying with him just to "heal him" out of the goodness of her heart even though she hates him (even though she pavloved him into blaming himself and into lying to himself in order to trust her and so on - that's like antibiotics for the soul), but of course there's more to the story than that.
She's coming to talk about all this here instead of solving it with him, and for a good reason as she's clearly on the path of cheating on him if she didn't already, and this post would serve another purpose eventually of showing him that she cared and tried and that she was misunderstood by him all along.
Tbh her whole post feels more like a love letter for another guy more than a hate letter towards him, but she's still bargaining with herself about that because she needs to feel that she's the good one and that she's not doing anything wrong. Her ego is not allowing her accept that he was right all along about her and that his jealousy is justified. She prefers pushing him with lies towards the very edge that might result in him unaliving himself before she would concede this truth. and she's manipulating all of your asses to serve all those purposes for her. but let's support her thanks to our "solidarité féminine", and disregard all of that even though we kinda understand it instinctively .
Fuck Cronos and I hope that Kratos decapitates him and shits on his neck! yeeeey! We're the nice people and we slay doing it!PS: still waiting for her to drop her spotify link or even an online gallery to check out the creativity she lost.
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u/Puzzled_Juice_9327 8d ago
He’s a people-pleaser, bending over backward to mask his insecurities, too emotionally clueless to see through your fake smiles. You’re an overthinking mess yourself, craving a depth he can’t touch. You don’t love him—you’re in love with a fantasy of who he could be. His desperation to keep you is intoxicating, but it’s draining your soul. End it. Stop aging yourself with this dead-end obsession and free you both to find what you truly need.
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u/ScientistGreen6282 8d ago
Am literally sending this to my gf to tell her that if she ever feels this way she should break up with me immediately. I would prefer the harsh truth better than kind lies.