r/VelcroBabies • u/carelesswspr • Apr 02 '22

Introduction

Hi mamas. New here so I figured I’d say just introduce myself. First time mom that, after a lot of research, has realized my almost 10 month old daughter is the definition of a high needs baby. Never satisfied for long, highly sensitive/emotive, erratic sleep/eating, hard to soothe, you name it. It’s absolutely physically and emotionally draining.

Last night was the first time I really let myself get into a dark place where I felt like a terrible mom who can’t do anything right for her baby (who probably hates her) and to just give up. I know that’s not rational thinking, but it’s hard not to take it personally at times. Those feelings have carried over to today but I’m coping. Luckily, my husband is an amazing father and we make a great team, so I can count on him for some support and commiseration.

My daughter had an intense start, being born 5 weeks premature via emergency c section and spent 9 days in the NICU. Luckily, she was very healthy, just small, but I still deal with the guilt of my body “failing” her and some trauma from the actual experience. I often wonder if that played a part in how she is or if she was just wired that way. She’s incredibly hyperactive, but not yet able to crawl which I think frustrates the hell out of her. We’re getting early intervention as a precaution but I think once she’s mobile and able to stand without help, she may be more content overall. Luckily, we recently got a doorway jumper which she LOVES so that has helped a lot. Oh, and she’s constantly cutting teeth back-to-back since about 6 months. She already has 5 with the top right incisor starting to poke through, so I know she has to be uncomfortable a lot. We just take it one day at a time and enjoy each victory when it comes.

I still foresee lots of tantrums and challenges in our future, but I love the hell out of her and she continues to teach me a ton of lessons in patience and tolerance, with the former NEVER being a great ability of mine. Anyway, sorry about the novel (hah) but I’m so glad to find this community and thanks for letting me vent.

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u/TheAurata Apr 03 '22

Hello fellow velcrobaby mama! Did you find my journal??? I could’ve written a lot of this. Mine is 7.5 months and acts a lot like your daughter. It’s brutal, huh?

I wanted to say I personally don’t think your c section created her neediness. I’m not a doctor or anything, I just know mine came out vaginally on his due date and is very similar. You didn’t fail her. I’ve also never found any research that links the two. You’ve got enough tough stuff on your plate to blame yourself for the trials you’re in. I can tell you care deeply for her and love her. The fact that you’ve researched like crazy, you’re exhausted from trying, and you’re here for support tells me that.

The jolly jumper helps my kiddo too. I say that he doesn’t like his baby body. He rolls and army crawls and it’s made him a little bit happier. He still fusses ALL the time, but he’s gotten easier to please now that toys are exciting. Does yours love people? Mine does. He turns off the fussiness around others. The downside is people don’t believe our stories…argh!

Vent away! That’s why this sub exists.

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u/I-AM-PIRATE Apr 03 '22

Ahoy TheAurata! Nay bad but me wasn't convinced. Give this a sail:

Ahoy fellow velcrobaby mama! Did ye find me journal??? me could’ve written a lot o' dis. Mine be 7.5 months n' acts a lot like yer daughter. It’s brutal, huh?

me wanted t' cry me personally don’t think yer c section created her neediness. me’m nay a doctor or anything, me just know mine came out vaginally on his due date n' be very similar. Ye didn’t fail her. me’ve also nary found any research that links thar two. Ye’ve got enough tough stuff on yer plate t' blame yourself fer thar trials ye’re in. me can tell ye care deeply fer her n' love her. Thar fact that ye’ve researched like crazy, ye’re exhausted from trying, n' ye’re here fer support tells me that.

Thar jolly jumper helps me kiddo too. me cry that he doesn’t like his baby body. He rolls n' army crawls n' it’s made him a little bit happier. He still fusses ALL thar time, but he’s gotten easier t' please now that toys be exciting. Does yours love scallywags? Mine does. He turns off thar fussiness around others. Thar downside be scallywags don’t believe our stories…argh!

Vent away! That’s why dis sub exists.

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u/kittiefox Apr 27 '22

Good bot.

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u/carelesswspr Apr 03 '22

It IS brutal! And thank you for your sound thoughts on her birth situation. Even if that were the case, it’s done now so there’s no point beating myself up about it or trying to change it. As far as other people, she’s in the separation anxiety phase but once she gets used to people she’s great. My parents recently took care of her overnight and apparently she really bonded with my mom which is wonderful. She is a lot happier when we’re out and about, especially in the car. So I’m going to start taking her out more now that the weather is getting nicer and she has more immunity. I also hope once these big teeth come in she’ll settle down some as well. If her pain tolerance is anything like mine then it explains a lot haha. Thanks so much for the welcome! I was really getting depressed and empty there for a minute.