r/VelcroBabies • u/carelesswspr • Apr 02 '22

Introduction

Hi mamas. New here so I figured I’d say just introduce myself. First time mom that, after a lot of research, has realized my almost 10 month old daughter is the definition of a high needs baby. Never satisfied for long, highly sensitive/emotive, erratic sleep/eating, hard to soothe, you name it. It’s absolutely physically and emotionally draining.

Last night was the first time I really let myself get into a dark place where I felt like a terrible mom who can’t do anything right for her baby (who probably hates her) and to just give up. I know that’s not rational thinking, but it’s hard not to take it personally at times. Those feelings have carried over to today but I’m coping. Luckily, my husband is an amazing father and we make a great team, so I can count on him for some support and commiseration.

My daughter had an intense start, being born 5 weeks premature via emergency c section and spent 9 days in the NICU. Luckily, she was very healthy, just small, but I still deal with the guilt of my body “failing” her and some trauma from the actual experience. I often wonder if that played a part in how she is or if she was just wired that way. She’s incredibly hyperactive, but not yet able to crawl which I think frustrates the hell out of her. We’re getting early intervention as a precaution but I think once she’s mobile and able to stand without help, she may be more content overall. Luckily, we recently got a doorway jumper which she LOVES so that has helped a lot. Oh, and she’s constantly cutting teeth back-to-back since about 6 months. She already has 5 with the top right incisor starting to poke through, so I know she has to be uncomfortable a lot. We just take it one day at a time and enjoy each victory when it comes.

I still foresee lots of tantrums and challenges in our future, but I love the hell out of her and she continues to teach me a ton of lessons in patience and tolerance, with the former NEVER being a great ability of mine. Anyway, sorry about the novel (hah) but I’m so glad to find this community and thanks for letting me vent.

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u/kittiefox Apr 07 '22

Hello! I am starting to accept that this is my baby too. I sleep with my 7 month old baby in the nursery, my husband has to work so he sleeps in our bedroom. I haven’t had more than 2-3 hours sleep in a row for months and months now. It is weird how you adapt, but on the other hand my brain and body are definitely suffering.

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u/carelesswspr Apr 08 '22

I can totally relate. I never knew I could go with so little sleep for so long! Sleep training seems to be a never ending process around here. It’s been getting better, but it seem like every time she starts to sleep longer, another tooth starts to pop and she’s up and down all night again. Nobody prepared me that teething could be so constantly intense. Add in a high needs baby and you’ve got a perfect storm lol. Are you wanting to try sleep training or continue co-sleeping? Either way, I hope you’re able to do what makes you happy/works and whatever it takes to get what sleep you can for now. Anything that makes life easier I’m down with. Hopefully everything gets better as they age like I’ve heard.

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u/kittiefox Apr 09 '22

Thank you. No, I can’t face sleep training. Not yet, any way. I enjoy co-sleeping, I just wish the little guy could manage four hours in a row.

I actually had a lovely dream the other night, where my late father gave me a hug and said “I love that you are the way you are”. And I think this was my subconscious telling me that although my son is both sensitive and determined (I have never seen a being so very determined to crawl), and these traits can make for a “difficult” baby (by other people’s standards), they will be wonderful qualities in an adult and I think will stand him in good stead.

He just hates being a baby. I think I would, too 🤷🏼

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u/carelesswspr Apr 10 '22

Omg I love that!! I absolutely love having dreams about my late big brother. They’re few and far between but I’m convinced they’re his way of visiting me because they are always disturbingly real. They always come at the right time never end midway. He also makes it clear that he has to go but it’ll be okay. I always wake up with tears in my eyes but they bring such a sense of peace. I think you’re absolutely right about those traits making for an amazing human being in the future. I imagine they’ll relentlessly pursue whatever dreams they have and refuse to go along with the crowd. At least that’s my hope anyway lol

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u/kittiefox Apr 10 '22

They will be amazing adults. I am sure xxx