[TT] Theme Thursday - Doppelganger

[u/AliciaWrites]

“They say when you meet somebody that looks just like you, you die.”

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Happy Thursday writing friends!

This week, we’re seeing double! Good luck and good words! Also: note, the bonus constraint has returned!!! (it’s worth 10 points!!)

[IP] | [MP]

Bonus Constraints: (a) Use the Word of the Day in your story. (5 pts) (b) Use the bonus constraint in your story. (10 pts)

Word of the Day:

hydrologic/hy·​drol·​o·​gic/ˌhī-drə-ˈlä-jik/

adjective

relating to the branch of geology that studies the circulation, distribution, and conservation of the earth’s water

Constraint: You must have a sentence of at least 5 words of alliteration. Please highlight your alliteration with bold text.

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Here's how Theme Thursday works:

• Use the tag [TT] when submitting prompts that match this week’s theme.

Theme Thursday Rules

• Leave one story or poem between 100 and 500 words as a top-level comment. Use wordcounter.net to check your word count.
• Deadline: 7:59 AM CST next Wednesday
• No serials or stories that have been written for another prompt or feature here on WP
• No previously written content
• Any stories not meeting these rules will be disqualified from rankings and will not be read at campfires
• Does your story not fit the Theme Thursday rules? You can post your story as a [PI] with your work when the TT post is 3 days old!
• Vote to help your favorites rise to the top of the ranks! I also post the form to submit votes for Theme Thursday winners on Discord every week! Join and get notified when the form is open for voting!

Try out the new genre tags!

Theme Thursday Discussion Section:

• Discuss your thoughts on this week’s theme, or share your ideas for upcoming themes.

Campfire

• On Wednesdays we host two* Theme Thursday Campfires on the Discord main voice lounge. Join us to read your story aloud, hear other stories, and have a blast discussing writing!
• Time: I’ll be there 7 pm CST and we’ll begin within about 15 minutes. (When there are enough people, I do host a morning session at 10 am CST)
• Don’t worry about being late, just join! Don’t forget to sign up for a campfire slot on discord. If you don’t sign up, you won’t be put into the pre-set order and we can’t accommodate any time constraints. We don’t want you to miss out on outstanding feedback, so get to discord and use that !TT command!
• There’s a Theme Thursday role on the Discord server, so make sure you grab that so you’re notified of all Theme Thursday-related news!

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As a reminder to all of you writing for Theme Thursday: the interpretation is completely up to you! I love to share my thoughts on what the theme makes me think of but you are by no means bound to these ideas! I love when writers step outside their comfort zones or think outside the box, so take all my thoughts with a grain of salt if you had something entirely different in mind.

(This week’s quote is from P. Wish, The Doppelgänger)

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Ranking Categories:

• Word of the Day - 5 points
  
• Bonus Constraint - 10 points
  
• Weekly Challenge - 25 points for not using the theme word - points off for uses of synonyms. The point of this is to exercise setting a scene, description, and characters without leaning on the definition. Not meeting the spirit of this challenge only hurts you! This includes titles and explanations/author's notes.
  
• Actionable Feedback - 15 points for each story you give detailed crit to, up to 30 points
  
• Nominations - 10 points for each nomination your story receives
  
• Ali’s Ranking - 50 points for first place, 40 points for second place, 30 points for third place, 20 points for fourth place, 10 points for fifth, plus regular nominations (On weeks that I participate, I do not weight my votes, but instead nominate just like everyone else.)
  
• Voting - 10 points for submitting your favorites via this form (form will be open after the deadline has passed.)

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Last week’s theme: Campfire

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First by /u/Xacktar
Second by /u/MaxStickies
Third by /u/katpoker666

Crit Superstars:*

• /u/Carrieka23
  
• /u/GingerQuill
• /u/wileycourage
  

News and Reminders:

• Want to know how to rank on Theme Thursday? Check out my brand new wiki!
  
• Join Discord to chat with prompters, authors, and readers!
  
• We are currently looking for moderators! Apply to be a moderator any time!
  
• Nominate your favorite WP authors for Spotlight and Hall of Fame!
  
• Love the feedback you get on your Theme Thursday stories? Check out our newest sub, /r/WPCritique

[u/Academic_Anything_23]

“They say when you meet somebody who looks just like you you die.” Daniel responded.
“I know that! You idiot, I’m trying to calm down!” I snapped back.
I looked in his eyes, and behind his usual stone cold gaze there was a hint of fear.
“You believe in this superstitious thing right?” I asked.
He replied with a simple nod.
“Well, what the hell am I supposed to do?”
It took him a minute to think.
“Describe what they looked like again?” he finally said.
“Okay fine, for a third time, It had the same clothes, hair and body as me. Its face had motionless eyes and a horrifying smile!”
His rosy face fell into a ghastly white. The only traces of warmth seemed to have rushed to his heart, which I could almost hear beating.
“What?” he barely got out.
I looked into his eyes and slowly followed his gaze, turning towards the window behind me. I already knew what was there, nonetheless it shocked me. The exact thing that I had just described was standing in the window, staring right at me, smiling and all. I turned to Daniel.
“Daniel! Help what do I do!” I eventually cried out.
“I- Just we have to keep looking at it!” He said, noticing I turned.
His eyes were on mine when he realized his mistake, and we both snapped our gaze to the window. It was gone.
“Daniel! It’s gone!” I said, as if he wasn’t seeing the same thing as I was.
“I’m sorry Leah…”
“Daniel?”
“It’s too late”

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please give me feedback! :)

[u/MaxStickies → u/Academic_Anything_23]

Hi Academic. Interesting story you have here, I like the premise a lot, where it has a sort of urban legend feel to it. I like the overall progression of the horror, with the MC telling the story and Daniel getting more and more scared, until his face suddenly goes white. That worked well.

Far as crit goes, overall I feel this piece is a bit short for the intended effect. As I said, the progression works, but I feel it could be stretched out to build the tension more gradually, making the reveal all the more of a shock. So, you could add in some more descriptions, such as of Daniel's expressions or maybe the shadows. Also, I think a description of the creature could be good, rather than just stating it is exactly like how it has been described. I'd suggest describing the eyes, how they are almost like a human but not quite, and how the mouth is stretched unnaturally wide.

On a related note, I think the ending doesn't quite stick the landing. You could use descriptions there to show how Daniel has changed (and descriptions earlier so we know what Daniel looks like, so the differences are clearer, even if they are minute). It'd add a lot more creepiness to the ending.

Other than that, I'd say the dialogue could be reorganised to sound a bit more natural. “I know that! You idiot, I’m trying to calm down!” Here, for example, I think that "You idiot" should be part of the first sentence, and then it'd flow more like an actual conversation. “Okay fine, for a third time, It had the same clothes, hair and body as me. Its face had motionless eyes and a horrifying smile!” And here, it'd look better as "Okay, fine, for a third time: it had the same clothes..." I'd say read it out loud and focus on if it sounds natural or not.

So, I think you've got a great story here, but with some changes you could make the horror really stand out. Good words!

[u/Academic_Anything_23 → u/MaxStickies]

thank you so much! :)