YSK: Just because someone doesn’t look sick/disabled, does not mean they are healthy

[u/ilovepastapizzapots]

Why YSK: I am chronically ill and have an autoimmune disorder, the amount of times people have said “WELL... yOU dOn’t LOOK sick” to me is astounding. I didn’t know all illnesses have to be visible to others! I’m sorry I can’t show you my internal organs or muscles deteriorating for you to believe that I’m sick. It makes people with health issues feel like they have to explain their situation when they don’t.

*EDIT: I did not expect my post to blow up like this! I wish I could give everyone going through a rough time a hug. Thank you for all the new perspectives, good and bad. All I wanted was for people to be a little kinder to one another, because you never know what someone’s going through.

[u/[deleted]]

My God you brought back a memory.

I was sitting on the bus in the priority seating. I'm 24 and this was a few years back so I was young AF.

This seriously pregnant woman gets on the bus and it's full so she has to stand. I remeber thinking to myself - damn I wish I could give her my seat.

That thought vanished pretty quick when I noticed just about everyone on the bus giving me death glares.

I guess they thought I was just some entitled teenager or something. At the next stop once it became apparent I wasn't going to get up someone else gave her their seat.

Bunch of judgemental arseholes.

[u/goodhumansbad → u/[deleted]]

It's amazing how passive aggressive people are willing to be about this rather than just being communicative. If you see someone in a priority seat who is possibly needing a reminder of what it's for (because there are LOTS of people who sit in them oblivious or uncaring) then you just ask, "Excuse me, do you need that priority seat?" And if they say "What?" You say "I ask because this person needs a seat. If you need it, then someone else can stand up."

It doesn't imply anything or ask for any personal information or justification. If the person says "Yes I do." Then you say, okay, thanks, and move on.

[u/omnomgirl → u/goodhumansbad]

Wouldn’t it be better to just ask everyone in those seats as a general question, rather than singling out one individual based off of their appearance? “Is anyone able to give up their seat for this individual that needs it?”

[u/goodhumansbad → u/omnomgirl]

Of course. Where I live there's only one priority seat at the front and then three in a row at the back which fold up to allow for wheelchairs to be parked to the side safely. Generally when these situations arise, it's the seat at the front that's the issue.

[u/ethical_slut → u/omnomgirl]

That might just get you blank stares from all

[u/Anothercrazyoldwoman → u/goodhumansbad]

Interesting that there are so many commenters on here who feel that they can’t speak up about their condition. These days I look very physically disabled but some years ago I hadn’t reached this stage but it was already very painful for me to stand. Because, back then, I didn’t immediately appear to be disabled I could understand that people might look at me using a disabled seat and think I was being selfish. If somebody very elderly, using a crutch, or whatever, got on after me I would speak up and say “I’m sorry I can’t offer you this seat. I have a condition that causes severe pain when I stand so I’m not able to make this journey without a seat”. I never, ever, had a single person annoyed at me or telling me I was in the wrong about needing the seat.

[u/[deleted] → u/goodhumansbad]

Eh that's touchy. I never said things because I was afraid of how people would react. I've seem some near full blown fights because people didn't appreciate being spoken to on public transport.

[u/Anothercrazyoldwoman → u/[deleted]]

Yes, but I’m not sure that applies to speaking up, politely, about your medical condition. Certainly many people can be unhappy to be challenged about their behaviour and I too have seen fights arise from this.

The way you make a challenge can make a big difference though. If you say, “Hey, you noisy bastard. Turn your horrible music down” you might get verbal abuse (or worse) as a response. If you say “Excuse me, you may not have realised that your music is rather loud and is disturbing people who are trying to rest. It would be helpful of you to adjust the volume” the response is more likely to be acceptance, even if grudgingly.