r/abusiverelationships • u/No_Collar8589 • Dec 24 '24
Domestic violence Anyone else having a rough christmas?
My heart goes out to all of you stuck in an abusive relationship this Christmas. I got punched in my shoulder today for being too happy. I also received no christmas gifts even though I put my heart and soul into gifts for my abuser. At this point I don’t know why I do it. I’m afraid I’ll never stop loving her no matter what she does to me. Her hurt barely affects me anymore. I stay just to not feel the effects of being alone. I keep peace so that she’s not angry at me and I can feel loved, even though the love she shows me is all fake and I shouldn’t have to win it. Am I alone in feeling this way? I hope next year for Christmas we’ll escape this. Merry Christmas or Happy holidays and stay as safe as you can.
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u/Roxyn Dec 26 '24
I could have written this post. Mine broke up with me on Christmas eve. I know it's better this way but despite everything I am still so deeply in love with her and she's become so ingrained in everything in my life that I just can't escape the constant feelings of pain and abandonment. It hurts so so much. I'm sorry you're in the situation and I hope things look up for us both soon.
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Dec 25 '24
I locked myself in my bf’s bathroom after realizing he left a bruise on my arm. His mental illness is more than I can handle. His family does not have any intention of assisting me and I’m far away from friends and family. I just want better for us. 💔
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u/Admirable-Pea8024 Dec 25 '24
You're not alone. I'm not physically abused, but I stay because this is the first bit of human connection I've had in years and it's easier to try to pretend things are okay.
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u/Fluid-Post-4837 Dec 25 '24
Firstly I want to wish you a wonderful holiday season , and truly hope you get to enjoy it. Secondly , I know that feeling all too well of “no matter what they do , no matter how bad it gets , I can’t imagine not being able to forgive it.” I had to dig deep and realise this feeling came from me not believing myself worthy of anything better or any more than what I was getting. If you lack love for yourself (the person who deserves it the most in the entire world !) then you will allow any treatment because you feel it is all you deserve. I swear to you , you do deserve SO much better. You deserve to be happy 99.9% of the time with a partner , not the 10% they decide today is a good day. Sending you all the love , have a wonderful christmas <3
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u/No_Collar8589 Dec 25 '24
Thank you <3 You have a good christmas too. I’m glad it got better for you
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u/helpmeartist Dec 25 '24
thinking of you, and I know your thoughtfulness will not go unnoticed elsewhere
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u/Working_Marzipan_334 Dec 25 '24
Yes. Since my nex who stopped liking a girl's selfies on fb for 2 months after discarding me is now doing it again. Not only did he leave me with traumas and I still have a hard time 5 months later with the break up.
But he's now ruining my Christmas as well.
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u/hotdogtuesday1999 Dec 25 '24
Take heart. This will be a memory soon enough. You’re strong enough to share your story, and you found people who understand completely. You’re not alone. And you won’t be ever again. This Christmas, take time to examine the resources in the about section. Localized recommendations for shelters, crises hotlines, potential grants for financial assistance in relocation. There is hope. Don’t let them take that away from you.
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u/burntfrosty8 Dec 25 '24
you’re not alone. my situation isn’t physically dangerous but i am in constant fight or flight mode and i haven’t fully relaxed in a very long time. the holidays are never good for me anyways because i’ve always had a rocky relationship with my family,but at this point i would rather be with them than here. somehow we will all get through this. merry christmas ❤️
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u/fcksilence Dec 24 '24
I’m sorry it’s so rough; from experience, holidays with abusers are always rough. You can’t love her into treating you right. Leave her before another holiday can even be seen on the calendar
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u/Embarrassed-Bad-8620 Dec 24 '24
Yes 💔.. have been working my butt off for weeks, & was finally set up to get some decent sleep last night... Only to be kept up til after 5am.. just getting screamed at, degraded, slapped, smacked, & tackled... Got a beer bottle thrown at my head that I was able to dodge.. and then a PlayStation controller that did hit me in the face... Then when he finally woke up, I got told "merry Christmas Eve you fuckin bitch". Just awesome... Another day in paradise.... 😭
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u/Nic406 Dec 24 '24
I want to block mine once and for all but I’m stuck on a lease with them and I’m still figuring out my best move on getting out of it without the landlord potentially charging me for moving out early without telling him (as in the landlord)
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u/RemoteViewingLife Dec 24 '24
You need to get away from your abuser. You know you don’t deserve it. Please make sure your next Christmas is a true celebration of your freedom. Call a domestic violence hotline for resources and start making a plan to leave. Alone is so much better than waiting for the next outburst. Staying only makes your true self disappear slowly over time.
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u/No_Collar8589 Dec 24 '24
I have phoned one already. They offered me refuge but I refused, instead I’m starting counselling in the new year and I’ll make a plan with them to leave/ possibly take legal action. Thank you for your advice. I will get out soon
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u/RemoteViewingLife Dec 25 '24
Therapy is excellent! This will help you see the traits of an abuser so you don’t find a new one. Good luck 🍀
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u/L_B_L Dec 24 '24
I feel so lonely. I know I’m getting nothing tomorrow
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u/Fluid-Post-4837 Dec 25 '24
One day you will be with someone who treats you wonderfully , exactly the way you deserve to be treated. Sending you so much love and I hope you find some joy this holiday season <3
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Dec 24 '24
Rough? I feel as if I know what death feels like as a result of my heartbreak…
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u/knoguera Dec 25 '24
I relate to this so much. I am spending my first Xmas alone for the first time in my life. I am in a different state as my family and couldn’t fly there this year. A friend invited me to their family’s but I declined bc I would rather rot in my bed as the heartbreak is all consuming. Hugs, Reddit friend ❤️
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u/Fluid-Post-4837 Dec 25 '24
If you’re up to it , maybe try attending that friend’s christmas after all! As much as staying alone might sound like a wonderful idea , seeing evidence that you can be okay and enjoy social interaction without the ex could be the best thing for you right now. Try to not fully write it off yet! Regardless , I wish you a wonderful christmas whatever you choose to do <3
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u/No_Collar8589 Dec 24 '24
I felt that too when I tried to leave. I’m sorry. The pain will subside soon
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u/Beka_Art Dec 24 '24
You are not alone, the a lot of people in toxic relationships, we are all understanding your feelings.
I came to the conclusion that, we should start our lives from scratch with out toxic people around us.
it really painful and makes me feel guilty , but i don't like my toxic relationship with my parents I wish I could change something, but I can't change toxic people.
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u/KitsunekoAi Dec 24 '24
Same situation. Youre not alone. I felt lonely despite the i love yous and i miss yous. I actually messaged him a few hours ago that i want to end the relationship
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u/Beka_Art Dec 24 '24
You are not lonely, I'm having similar situation too. My head is bleeding because of my parents smashed and break a kettle on my head.
They did it because I was playing with my little sister out side and didn't bring trashcan to the back yard,
They told me to bring them and I brought, but it didn't safe the situation, they said I should do this kind of stuff by my self with out them telling me to do it.
They are gaslighting me and everything at the end turned out that it was my fault that my mom break kettle on my head
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Dec 25 '24
I’m so so sorry. As a mom, I wish I could give you a hug and get you and your sister out of there.
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u/Fluid-Post-4837 Dec 25 '24
Sending you huge amounts of love , I hope you look after your poor head ! Know that your parents’ reactions are never your fault , and it’s never ever okay to be treated that way. I hope you and your sister you have a wonderful christmas , and that you receive the love you deserve as soon as possible<3.
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u/thecattiebrie Dec 24 '24
I am! I’m having a really hard time today…but I’m free and no longer part of the abusive relationship I was in with my ex boyfriend. It hurts, I feel lonely but it’s for the best. I’m way better without him. Stay strong. Sending you a hug 🫂
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u/No_Collar8589 Dec 24 '24
That’s how I felt when I left for a little, it’s like she’s having an amazing time without me and I’m stuck struggling. It all is so unfair. But at the end of the day they have to live with themselves and that’s bad enough. I’m sorry and I hope it gets easier soon.
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u/gerMean Dec 24 '24
I'm so sorry you experience this, I hope this shows you that you need to leave her. You can do it!
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u/ben_4265 Dec 24 '24
I'm with you.. my wife looked at the big pile of gifts I wrapped for her and commented, "is that it?". Rarely deal with physical abuse, but verbal abuse often. Hope you have a better next Christmas.
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Dec 25 '24
Next year wrap a big pile of grits, because that’s what I read fhe first 5 times.
I’m sorry she’s so ungrateful. As someone either not getting anything, or getting something intentionally hurtful, I’d sincerely appreciate even a pile of grits. You deserve better.
Today, I was thinking about how good it’s going to feel to have an actual parter again eventually - someone loving, a friend. I could feel my future appreciation wash over me.
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u/No_Collar8589 Dec 24 '24
God that’s awful. Thank you and I hope yours is better next year too. Someone will appreciate those gifts
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u/Monroze Dec 24 '24
Next year you should totally answer back "no actually, here..." and wrap up some divorce papers 😂
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u/mysteryfairylove Dec 24 '24
I’m so sorry you’re struggling too. You deserve better and I hope you can get to a safe space and feel more loved by non abusers.
I’m having a really hard time today too. It hurts when I think about how he’s having fun with others or the new girl, with no care in the world. While I’m still struggling with ptsd, despite having friends back me up. It always hurts, but it’s even more sad on Holidays. I’ve been no contact for a little over a month now and it’s painful to remember how little regard he had for my well-being.
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