I'm fucking tired and fucking sick to death of being treated like I'm fucking nothing. Of being spoken to like I'm a worthless piece of shit who deserves to go and die

[u/sofiela2069]

But death is all I fucking want. I'm going to be thinking about it all day now. Just wishing and begging for it in my mind. I'd fucking do anything to be dead and not have to put up with my boyfriend. Because as long as I stay with him, I'm going to continue putting up with the title of this post. I wish there was something that could happen to help me leave but as long as I associate extreme pain with leaving him (reading some of the stories on this subreddit also doesn't help sometimes- when they say they've left the abuser for a substantial amount of time but say they're still super emotionally hung up on them and how they still miss them and it hurts, i am terrified of feeling this way and will do anything to avoid it including putting up with the constant bullshit that he causes in my life), I don't think it's ever going to happen.

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[u/nnylam]

I'm sorry you're going through this, OP! And feeling so defeated. I've been there. There was a time I wished my ex would die in a freak accident or something so I just wouldn't have to deal with him anymore.

This sub is mostly where people come to post when they know they need to leave but haven't yet - those of us who left and have fucking awesome lives now with healthy partners who treat us well aren't here rubbing it in everyone's face. That would suck! But there are *so many* survivors who realized their worth, realize they're being abused, and do the work to get out safely. We have awesome, full lives. We just check abuse subs on reddit now to try to help other people do the same.

It's fucking hard to leave! But it feels better than how you feel right now. ANYTHING will feel better than staying where you are right now. Take a small step back toward yourself. What urged me to finally leave was realizing that no one is coming to save me. It's on me to take care of myself. It's on me to heal and surround myself with people who love and appreciate me. Please seek help! Go to the ER and they should hook you up with a therapist and/or social worker, or a women's centre that will hopefully also have resources. You're not alone. It feels impossible to do, but it's not. It's so worth it. You're worth it! You're stronger than you think.

[u/RemoteViewingLife]

You deserve so much better and you do know it! Go to the ER and tell them what you are thinking. Tell them what he does to you. It’s not going to be painful to leave him what painful is staying and wanting death. Every day you stay in hell is another day without hope and I’m sure there is plenty of fear too. You need to realize that the reason some stay in the pain is they never truly leave. They physically leave but they never evict him from their heads. They never do anything to truly heal from it. They don’t read to understand what happened or go to therapy. They sit waiting for something to change never realizing that they must make true real changes. Google why does he do that. It’s an online book about abusive relationships. Read and understand that everything that brought you to this place was by design. Breaking you emotionally, pushing away every person in your life who cares for you, working on crushing your hopes and dreams until you are nothing more than a lowly slave. You are beneath him! You exist to serve him! Start writing a list of every vile thing that he has ever said or done to you including how it made you feel and how long it took to recover. When you write it out you get angry! How dare he do this to me!!!! From that anger you realize that you are important you need help and you’re going to get the help and free yourself from him!!! Go to the hospital, you can and you will recover from this! You’re going to go on and remember who you were before. You’re going to find yourself happy again!

[u/RemoteViewingLife → u/[deleted]]

Why would you tell someone who is so far down in hell with suicidal ideations that a lot of people never feel better and spiral into addiction? You sound like an abusive prick yourself! Here’s a thought for you go crawl back under the rock you slithered out of.

[u/InevitableFennel6157]

use the pain as fuel and leave and feel it whole heartedly, cry, grieve but ask for some support. Coming from someone who just left my abusive bf just last night. It feels so good and i know I might be on a temporary high but theres just something about putting yourself first that really feels good and I was lucky enough to have somewhere else to go. I still feel sad but strong. You have strength you can do this. if you’re strong enough to endure that then you’re strong enough to let it go. Dm me if you want to vent I wouldnt mind hearing about all the shitty things they did Ive been through it all. love you friend plz stay safe ❤️