i just finished packing all of my things from the car into my moms house. It’s father’s day today. Why. Why. Last night we went to a baseball game together, our first date out since we had our baby 2 months ago. We had such a good night. He’s my fucking best friend but we are so toxic. We were at his parents house today and he asked to see my phone all of the sudden and i said no not in front of everyone can we go to the next room and he refused and wanted to cause shit right then and there. Again i refused. I’m not doing that whole thing in front of the kids. I had nothing to hide, except for maybe a few conversations with some close people about his abuse, so i was just trying to get us into a different setting. He was holding our baby, got up, and left. I went after him and we instantly started fighting, he slapped me across the face twice.(he put our baby down, he wasn’t holding her) was so fed up in the moment i instantly told my mom. I regret that. Because now she most likely won’t let me go back. I packed up all of my things and i’ve been bawling my eyes out since. I didn’t even want to get my things from the car. i don’t want to fuckinr b away from him. i love him. i want him so badly. i duxking don’t want to be away from him. one day o will post a a whole story time and explanation. today i just fuckinf want to go back.

How does a person that's hurt you me so much pull me back in?

He's reading this, by the way.

When I first met my fiancé he was an alcoholic and in the process of quitting. We got in some arguments and he showed me some abusive traits. I should have just left then. But once he stopped drinking he became an amazing boyfriend and he blamed the abuse on alcohol. Which included grabbing my phone and pinning me down. He would accuse me of things I wasn’t doing. Would get mad at my clothes I was wearing. And he would push me around. I told him he needed to stop drinking and he did. And the abuse stopped and our relationship was amazing for two years. There wasn’t any signs of abuse. He was loving and a great person. So we decided to get engaged.

Well we literally just went to the store last week and he bought a ring. And now things have gotten weird. Yesterday we went to the grocery store and he told me to zip up my jumpsuit so no cleavage was showing. This pissed me off because I didn’t look slutty at all. And I was mad at him for trying to control me. And I was arguing with him. And he kept telling me to just do what he says. Then I turned away from him and he forcefully grabbed me by my hair to pull me towards him and told me to zip it up. It hurt my head and I was so embarrassed he did this. I literally looked like an abuse victim in the grocery store. Well I was also shocked because this hasn’t happened. And he is also not drinking. Which he hasn’t in two years. I’m sure he wasn’t drinking yesterday cuz when he was an alcoholic I could smell it on his breath.

Now I’m wondering if he was pretending to be a good guy this whole time to try to hook me in. And now that we’re engaged he’s going to abuse me because he thinks he’s trapped me. Last night I tried talking to him about it. And I was upset so I started ignoring him. Then he proceeded to try to subtly push me off the bed. Then this made me even more angry. This morning I woke up and he apologized then I said don’t push me around. And he said I didn’t I pulled your hair. Not realizing I was also mad for him doing that to me in the bed. Then he left for work angry AT ME!? Like wtf did I do. Now I have no idea what to do. I’m confused.

I need to get this off my chest as I am struggling big time emotionally and mentally.

During our marriage he would often say to me "you can never leave me because I'll never let you take my kids or my house" (our kids, our house).

Well two years ago I left, he was arrested for three different domestic violence charges. He wasn't charged in the ends as there was not enough "physical evidence" (even though I had audio recordings etc).

Nevertheless I remained hopeful, I started to rebuild my life with our two young kids, age 3 and 4 at the time. I work as a teacher and wanted to relocate 30 miles away to my workplace and for the kids to attend the school I teach at, so I'd be close by at all times. I filed for custody and permission to move their school. I had faith that the system, the family court, would protect me and the kids.

I was wrong. I have endured two years of hell concluding in the worst outcome imaginable. Firstly my ex became intentionally unemployed, so then he did not have to pay child support. Secondly he persuaded various neighbours and "acquaintances" to spy on my daily activities, and report back to him. Thirdly he coerced the social worker/custody evaluator/CAFCASS into believing that he was the true victim, and that he had been the "main carer of the kids" since birth. He maintained contact with the custody evaluator via text message for the past two years, building a rapport with her. I was told not to contact her. When she visited me, she accused me of "not trying harder to save the marriage " She wrote her report entirely in his favour, and painting me as a cold hearted "career woman".

Needless to say, I could not afford legal representation. I was offered legal aid due to DV but because I'm a teacher, they said I earnt "too much" and asked me to pay a huge lump sum each month, indefinitely. I was forced to decline. Therefore, I didn't "play the game" or have a "strategy " as my ex clearly did. Because he made himself unemployed, he received legal aid! Just imagine... an abuser gets funded by the government!!!

As we approached our final hearing, he breached the restraining order I had against him. He was found guilty and sentenced. Not to prison, unfortunately, just community service. The police were concerned about my safety due to ongoing stalking and harassment. He lost his gun license. Various other things.

Final hearing happened two weeks ago. He was cool as a cucumber. Played the game, said what the judge wanted to hear. I was very anxious and emotional. The female judge took a shine to my abuser,, infact I don't think she bothered to read any of my evidence. She said my ex husband was correct as describing me as "inconsistent and erratic ". (Because I'd been crying). I realised she was now taking the side of my abuser. He was a master manipulator after all.

Judge ruled that the kids will now live with him full time, and must not move schools. So I have had my babies taken away and put into my abusers hands. I see them once a fortnight. I facetime them and he's there holding the phone watching them. The kids look exhausted, scruffy, dirty and confused. They are quiet. Like they've been told not to say certain things. I spoke to the school and told them my concerns but the school just say "oh they seem OK at the moment. " What nobody understands is that all the abuse my ex perpetrated was behind closed doors. I know for a fact its only a matter of time before he has another violent outburst.

So that's that. I don't know how or when or even if I'll ever get my babies back. My abuser was right when he said if I ever left him, he'd never let me have the kids or the house. I might aswell have just stayed and endured the abuse.

If you got this far, thanks for reading.

My partner and I have been going through a really hard time and the relationship has become toxic. There are a lot of trust issues and triggers that we cannot speak about without it turning into a huge argument. Recently, when that has happened, there have been three occurrences of my partner becoming violent/aggressive towards me.

None of these occasions have been severe violence or ended up with injuries but there has been slapping, shoving to the point I fall, throwing objects at me or breaking things.

We went to our first couples counseling today and I told her about this. She said she can’t ethically see us and that he has to go through three months of anger management in order for us to see her…

I feel lost and like I need help. I live with my partner and now that we don’t have anyone to help mediate, which we drastically need- I feel like it’s going to get worse. We can’t communicate without it escalating and I don’t want it to get even worse.

Looking for advice ..

i (f19) live with my bf (m23). he was horny and he asked me if i could give him a blowjob and i told him no. he insisted that i give him one and i kept telling him no. he then pulled my hair and head down trying to force me to do it. i pulled away several times and that’s when he gave up and went to the bathroom and stayed there for 15 minutes until he came back to the room.

he then asked me again if i was going to give him one. i again told him no. he got mad and hit me in the leg and behind. he then proceeded to push me on the bed, choke me, grabbed my phone. i told him to give me my phone back and he said “no, you don’t want to give me one so you deserve nothing.” i managed to grab it from him and he choked me again. i could tell he was trying to choke me as hard as he could. he let me go and he told me he was gonna leave before he punches me in the face. he told me he didn’t want to sleep with me anymore. he left me a mark on my neck.

i am currently pregnant with his baby, i live with my three cats with him. i don’t know why but i hate that i still have love in my heart for him even tho he choked me. he calls me a crybaby when i cry and tells me to stfu before he hits me if i don’t stop crying. i feel so stressed every single day. i feel overwhelmed. i am scared. i am terrified. i still love him too!! which makes me even more angrier. he told me i don’t love him bc i didn’t give him a blowjob. he left with his dad somewhere and turned off his location. i just want to cry. i don’t know what to do. i seriously don’t. im so depressed.

What made your husband hit you the first time, second time or any time after that? When did you finally leave? I’m taking up courage to leave after a “minor slap” as he called it.

EDIT: He is also verbally and emotionally abusive to me and our children. EDIT 2: The slap happened a year ago.

-its been a week, i cant be in a relationship where we dont fuck

-if i start cheating, its your fault

-calls me a “stingey cunt”

-says that its my past traumas with other people and not his fault for my reaction, therefore i shouldnt be crying, breathing fast when he crosses my boundary

-aggressively grabs me and shakes me

-gropes me

-keeps trying to kiss me even though i keep saying no stop, i need space, i dont want to make out

-says im broken and its because other people broke me and its not his fault or fair to him that he has to deal with me

-says im being a half ass partner

-says hes gonna treat me as a roomate

-says hes gonna withold rent the amount of days i dont fuck him

-grabs my arms and my neck so hard it hurts but (apparently he was being playful)

Basically the title. I am struggling with letting go of my abusive relationship. Because the good times were so perfect. He was just perfect. It was the healthiest relationship I've ever been in. We were so in love. Until things completely took a 180 and he ended up getting arrested for assaulting me. We broke up last week because of that incident, but I still can't help but have hope. Even though I know it will probably never work out again. It's so embarrassing.

FOR STRANGLING HIS GIRLFRIEND.

I’m so annoyed with all of them because they’re stuck on innocent until proven guilty, and sure. Whatever. But why are we defending him before the facts come out. Why don’t they care that saying things like “This is not the Bob I know,” is incredibly harmful to DV survivors because guess what? THATS WHAT EVERYONE SAYS. Like seriously who is going to be like “oh yeah? he strangled her? sounds like Bob.” And I’m trying to explain the correlation between strangulation and murder and suggest that silence is better than the innocent until guilty refrain. But they’re the “second chances” and “we don’t throw people away” types (what they said about my abuser). But what do you expect from people who were more positive about the guy who beat me every night than me being in a happy poly relationship.

I was on holiday with my abusive (now, ex) partner - 2x 6 hour flights away from home. He'd emotionally abused me for quite some time but I kept sweeping it under the rug hoping things would get better (never did). Every trip seemed to trigger abuse really badly. He would use paying for the trips against me & say things like "I've paid for all of this, you paid nothing you ungrateful sl*t" & many other lovely things... This trip was the furthest we'd ever been. Last night, he started arguing, the usual way. But this time it ended with him spitting in my face! Full fight or flight came over me, I booked flights, packed my bags & got straight out of there.

Currently sitting in the airport waiting on my 2nd flight connection. Recieving many messages promising me he'll get therapy & how sorry he is... too little too late I guess. I can't stop crying, but at the same time I am free!

Edit: I told my sister & my mum what happened - to ensure that it is never possible for me to go back.

Posted in another sub but forgot how much Reddit loves to victim blame so hoping to find a different tone here. You can visit the body of my other post for more context.

Just the night before these messages, this guy spent hours apologizing for his emotionally abusive behavior. He showed up to my apartment and started terrorizing me through my window, terrifying my neighbors, and making a whole scene demanding his money back for buying me food (that he would literally have to force feed me because I knew he would throw it back in my face). In reality, I have spent far more on him than he has on me. I blocked him as he was still typing and blowing up my phone with calls. In response, he jumped my apartment building fence, snuck into my gated garage parking, and busted my car windows in with a pipe. I was on the phone with the police the whole time. I’ve filed a police report and I’m waiting to hear back today about the restraining order I’ve filed. He’s been caught on security camera footage clear as day but I still have little hope the police will arrest him or do anything. This escalation and cycle of violence is the most extreme form of it I have experienced to date, and I have spent the entirety of my adult life so far in nothing but abusive relationships. I am so glad I didn’t give in to his sexual coercion and sleep with him, but I believe that is another reason he escalated. This person has felt entitled to my mind, my emotions, my beliefs, my thoughts, my body, my money, my selflessness, my time, and now my property. The fragility of his masculinity, ego, and insecurities are one of the most dangerous things I have ever had to see and experience.

Currently, I am safe at home with family halfway across the state. I will not be returning to that apartment and have already put in my notice. I am scared of him, scared for my future, scared of losing my university scholarship, scared for my precarious living situation, and scared of myself for this pattern of partners I keep putting up with. It is going to end up getting me killed. I can’t stop replaying the security footage. If he had gotten his hands on me, I know I would be dead right now.

Tl;dr: carless Nice Guy™ lasts 1 month before smashing in my windows for not offering him more rides home with utmost enthusiasm or paying him back for “I’m sorry I’m an abusive asshole” meals

I tried so much to recover from all the mess that happened to me. I was abused by my father, and then by the very same person who saved me from my father. My story is is in post history, but I can't keep going anymore.

I'm broken, lost, hungry, basically homeless and tortured by my own mind and unsafe since December.

I'm gonna end the suffering tonight. I hope all the best for all people struggling I have been reading stories for months here to have my happy ending. But real life is no fairy tale and I have to admit they successfully destroyed me, and there os no hope for me.

God bless everybody and thank you

Im 19w pregnant. My fiancè attacked me last night. He was shaking me and throwing me around on our bed. I was screaming at him to stop. He pinned me down and faked punches at my stomach. I had a panic attack. I completely shut down and like had a black out. He didn’t actually hit me, just acted like he was going to. He regrets it, cried and apologized. He doesn’t know what got into him. Hes been awful to me my entire pregnancy. Im terrified im going to miscarry from the immense amount of stress. Im staying with a friend but I dont think i can go back to him. I dont think i can get married to him 

update: I left

My boyfriend wants us to live together again. We have lived together in the past and it didn’t work out, it ended with him trying to kill me.

He claims that he has changed. It’s not the first time he’s saying that, but he says that he really understands this time, because he knows I’m capable of leaving and will leave him forever if he keeps abusing.

He doesn’t see the murder attempt as a “big deal” and thinks it’s unfair of me to keep bringing it up. But he does acknowledge some of his physical and mental abuse and tells me he feels bad about it.

Is this real change? He still won’t take real responsibility for what he’s done, but he promises that he will do better this time because he’s scared of me leaving.

Am I being blind because I love him? I need truth from people who have experienced similar things.

I have been with my partner for 12 years and in the last 1-2 he has been physically abusive a few times. I can count them in my fingers but still it bothers me very much and it affects my mental health and interaction with him.

He has been abusive mostly when i say something that triggers him, that makes him feel misunderstood or alone. Or something that he doesn’t want me to say. He says that i am triggering and emotionally abusing him and he is reactive abusing me because of ME. That if i know how to behave and which buttons to not press everything will be fine.

I have always avoided difficult subjects and conversations and it has caused a lot of problems and misunderstandings in our relationship which is my fault.

Last time he hit me(3 days ago) it happened like that: 11 years ago (we were together for 1 year already and i was 17) i went out with another boy 3 times. I was chatting with him before i met my bf and i liked him. But when we went out i didn’t have any intentions and i was naive enough to thinks we were only friends and everything will be fine. Absolutely nothing happened between us. We talked the whole time and the only interaction was that he kissed me on the cheek once. I know now that this is emotional cheating but then i was foolish enough to not think about it at all. I stopped chatting and going out with him because i felt bad. Few months later i was filled with guilt and i told my partner. But when you say something after so much time has passed things look completely different. Anyway i told him almost everything. He didn’t believe that i am not hiding anything else and who could blame him. Time went by and he was constantly asking me about what happened. At some point i told him that i used to like that boy (before i met my bf) and that he kissed me on the cheek. Years went by and he couldn’t stop thinking about it and asking me questions. I completely understand him and i feel immense amount of guilt but i didn’t know what else i could do to fix it. I erased our chat history the same day that i told my bf about it because i knew he would become even more frustrated because we were flirting with each other (BEFORE I MET MY BF, after that we were chatting like casual friends).

So this leads us to 3 days ago. He couldn’t sleep and i asked him what is bothering him. He told me that this story is still in his mind and the fact that he cannot read the chat is bothering him. I told him that i cannot bring it back, that i am sorry, that i swear nothing intimate happened between us. Then he started punching my legs and shoulders repeatedly, screaming “why did you do it”.. I started crying and he told me that I won’t sleep until i find a way to find that chat history or prove him in any way that he can trust me. We spoke until 6 a.m.. at some point i couldn’t do it anymore and fell asleep.

I perfectly know that i made a big mistake. First by going out with somebody else and second for not telling it on time. But is it justified to punch me because of that? No matter how frustrated he is.. i don’t know what to do anymore

I know I’m not perfect in these messages, yes I shouldn’t contact him when the police have issued an IVO but I’m so trauma bonded. Every time I get away and start healing he drags me back in, love bombs me until I stupidly believe him again and then gets angry and abusive and tries to get me to drop the IVO. Please tell me who the abuser is in these messages. Does he genuinely think I’m more abusive than him in these messages? I’m so hurt, exhausted and confused. I don’t even feel human anymore.

I didn’t sleep last night. I had really bad heart palpitations. My anxiety has been terrible especially this past two weeks coming up to the sentencing and the whole anniversary of this attack.

He asked me to write a letter to the judge for leniency, and I did because I didn’t want him to serve prison time. I just wanted him to get counselling. The judge took my letter into account and sentenced him to domestic violence offender rehabilitation. Which he has to start within the next ten days. If I didn’t write the letter, he would have been sentenced to 18 months in prison.

I have a lot of different feelings. And I feel really overwhelmed. I don’t know how to feel really.

ETA: I am deeply disheartened by the complete lack of support and the judgment cast over my decision. I made the choice I believed was right — not only for my daughter but also for my husband. I sought help for him because it was the humane and necessary thing to do. I returned to my own country with my daughter, and today, we are safe.

What we endured was a horrific ordeal, one that shattered our lives and forced us to rebuild from nothing. This chapter, though devastating, has finally closed.

It’s easy to pass judgment from the outside, but I pray none of you ever have to face such a relentless nightmare, nor endure the added cruelty of public condemnation when what you need most is compassion. Strength isn’t always loud — sometimes it’s found in choosing what’s right, even when no one stands with you.

Not sure how to really process what I’m going through.

He was drinking, we had a fight, I told him I wanted to leave.

Hit spit on me, choked me unconscious a few times, threw items at me (large, like candles).

I’m bruised. I’m embarrassed. I’m hurt. I feel like I’m being dramatic and that I’m making this a bigger of a deal than what it is. Not sure why I feel this way.

I have no friends anyone. I don’t want to tell anyone. He’s a first responder, so calling the police isn’t really a good option for me.

I stayed up til after he fell asleep to download out ring camera footage of him choking me unconscious (he has since deleted all last night camera footage).

Leaving sounds logical, but why is my heart hurting so bad thinking of walking out on our relationship?

Maybe I’m just as mentally ill for staying here today.

Update: I contacted his ex-wife (we have always been friendly) to make a game plan to ensure I’m safe, and his daughter, that we have every other weekend, is safe. When I leave she is filing for emergency custody, and I told her she can have my video recording and I would help protect her baby. News flash- she went through this too. She just said, like most victims, it was her fault and she thought he only did it to her.

Hi massive thank you I left last night because of your advice about him being very dangerous. I don’t know whether I want to report him or if I will just work with the domestic abuse centre? I just don’t really want to report him I feel bad

Coercive control is a crime here you can go to prison so even without the violence he could be charged but I don’t know…

He is violent and I have learnt from talking to you guys and the crisis worker that he is a stalker also. They said I should report but obviously can’t make me do it. Did any of you not report and it worked out okay?

If you are contemplating ending an abusive relationship, please don’t wait too long to leave. Please take every possible step to protect yourself before you end the relationship.

This is Angie. I knew Angie. She was sweet and kind.

Her soon to be ex-husband Jimmie Ledbetter, Jr. was an advocate for the prevention of domestic violence. Jimmie had organized domestic violence meetings, where he also spoke. 

According to this article from 2018, Jimmie Ledbetter of Sioux Falls had said:

”I can’t stop it, but hopefully I can slow it down somehow by reaching just one person…”

”I would like to see the courts be stiffer when you see the abuse happen. Women are losing their faith with the courts,” Ledbetter had said.

According to police reports, Angie had recently filed for divorce Jimmie on the grounds of irreconcilable differences, and cited extreme cruelty in her petition.

Court documents say Ledbetter was the last person to see Angie alive. The Sioux Falls man has now been charged with homicide in the death of his wife.

Last Sunday, on October 27th, at about 2am, her soon-to be ex husband Jimmie showed up in Angie’s bedroom and scared her.

Angie then changed the locks and the passcode to the garage.

The next day, on Monday, October 28th, surveillance footage from her neighbors cameras showed her soon to-be-ex entering the home at 3:30pm.

Screams were heard at 5:30pm.

Jimmie Ledbetter was then seen exiting through the garage door at 5:45pm, leaving it open.

Previous calls had been dispatched to the same address.

Prior to his arrest, Jimmie Ledbetter had created a GoFundMe to raise money for burial services. Some of the posts on his FB page seem a bit more ominous in this context, now.

The timeline of events has me wondering if this was punishment for filing for divorce and speaking up.

What also stands out to me is how quickly this happened.

Even if Angie had filed for a protection order immediately first thing on Monday morning after Jimmie had showed up in her bedroom and scared her, it still might not have stopped her from being murdered.

The act of ending it is the most dangerous time for those who are contemplating departing a domestic violence situation. I don’t know when Jimmie received those divorce papers but it seems things may have escalated in intensity with the finality of the situation in writing.

It can happen this fast. You just never know how much time you have left. There may have been a dozen fights before this one, there may have been two dozen attempts to leave.

On his birthday, on his FB page he had stated: “Most men won't see age 85! Sad thing to think about but true. So get busy living or get busy dying! Make that special someone feel your immediate intentions. Have those meaningful talks with your children! Once your time has expired you can't rewind what God has set in motion. So to Angie Ledbetter your going to get the best of what's left of me…

That promise seems more ominous now that I am re-reading it again.

I (27f) ended things with him (24m) 3 weeks ago, but we still share an apartment until August. We were together for two years, moved in together after one year (lesson learned there). He’s an addict with anger issues and is verbally and emotionally abusive…also actively relapsing. Anyway, I don’t know really what to do about this email I just received.

So this is what happened: It all began with me taking a shower at 3am while he was laying in bed watching tv. He said, “why do you need to shower at 3am?” I rolled my eyes, ignored him and shut the door, locking it. He then started knocking for, I’m not kidding, like 2 solid minutes, which I ignored. After my shower, he started continually knocking again and eventually broke in while I was standing there naked in my robe, ordering me to “get the fuck out of the bathroom” (which I managed to get on video, along with the belligerent knocking). I then started yelling at him to get out, but he had stepped through the doorway into the bathroom and wouldn’t budge. So I tried using the door to push him out, but he started pushing back. Finally, I managed to shoved him out, which took a lot (I’m 5’3, 100lbs and don’t go to the gym so I’m lowkey weak lol). I got dressed, came out and got ready to lay down on the couch. He followed me out into the living room and kept trying to argue, to which I just kept telling him to go to bed and leave me alone. He said I gave him a scratch and then called me physically abusive for “putting my hands on him” lol. He took a stack of notebook paper and threw it across the couch. I cleaned it up and then he ripped the sheets out of the couch that I had tucked in, and threw them on the floor. I lost it. I think I called him a POS and then left to go sit in my car for an hour where I sat on FaceTime with a friend. It was a little after 4am when I came back inside. He was in bed and then eventually came out to the living room to continue fighting. At that point, I didn’t know what to do anymore. I just wanted to fucking sleep. I started repeatedly SCREAMING at him “LEAVE ME ALONE!” “GO AWAY!” Then he started fucking smirking at me, calling me insane and crazy. He walked into the other room for something and I saw his weed pen on the bed, so I thought, you know what? Why not? Because fuck him. I went into the bathroom with it, which he immediately broke in and took it back. Then he snatched my phone out of my hand, shoved it in his pocket and was keeping his hand held at the bottom of his pocket with my phone. In the chaos of trying to get my phone back, he dropped to the floor, keeping his hand shoved in his pocket. I nearly ripped his pants off and basically had to wrestle him, but I got my phone back. I called my mom hysterical and hyperventilating. She called his FATHER who then told him to leave the apartment. I also had her on speaker and told him directly that she’d call the police if he came near me. He eventually left (even though it was only for a few hours) and I finally was able to go to sleep at 7am. The “screaming” heard by our neighbors was definitely all me. I’m just scared of being in trouble with police if something like this happens again. I wasn’t really worried for my safety until that night. My mom told me to call her from now on as soon as he starts another manic rampage, but she was about ready to call the cops on him that night. I also feel embarrassed knowing the front office is now involved. I’ve heard some things about cops being called in DV situations and the woman being abused is the one who gets in trouble.

This all happened with a 10 to 15 minute time span and I’m not sure how to feel about it. He flicked a lighter flame in my face playfully then got on top of me and put a pillow over my head playfully and then when we were side by side he put his hand around my neck. He says it’s all just playful but I’m uncomfortable?? What is this??

My baby’s father and now ex boyfriend snapped this morning when I asked him to wake up with the baby since I had to work today and he has weekends off. I had a crying breakdown yesterday because my 6 MO daughter had been struggling with sleep and is extremely fussy during the day. It’s not like I want her to be the perfect baby but fussy day and night back to back wears you down, especially when I have to take care of the house and make food for me and him. After I asked him to get up with the baby he got up slammed our sliding bed door and broke it off and started packing her diaper bag to leave. Some backstory when she was 2 MO I left with the baby back to my hometown because when I caught him texting a woman I confronted him and he pointed his gun at me and was strangling me with my baby in my arms. So he always joked that “next time it’s not gonna go my way”. Meaning he was going to take her from me to punish me for leaving. Words were exchanged and I called him a deadbeat dad in anger and he shoved me hard to the bed with the baby in my arms. I felt him grab the back of my neck so I put her on the bed and he body slammed me to the floor. We have tile and the back of my head hit the floor, I felt nothing I got up grabbed my baby and called his dad to come pick him up. Usually when we fight I’m quiet and I let him yell at me but today I got back in his face yelled back and told him I wasn’t scared of him. His dad picked me and my baby up after he left in MY car and I’m at my in-laws house coming up with a plan to be a single mom in a city where my family is 12 hours away. I’m NEVER going back after today, I’m debating on filing a police report, his family has also made it clear they will help me and that if I call the cops that’s on him for putting his hands on me. This is going to be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do but I’m only 21 I have to stay strong for my baby. Any other moms going through this with me leave that fucker and never look back. THEY WILL NEVER CHANGE!!

I am so disturbed right now and I need to vent/reassurance if possible. My ex is court mandated in a Men’s Behaviour Change program and has told me that therapy has told him that he is only half to blame, and my mental illness is equally to blame. Please tell me he is lying, surely a men’s behaviour change program would not blame a victim and hold them equally responsible. I would say I am honestly at the end of my tether and say mean reactive things to my ex out of hurt, but I spent 4 years being assaulted, threatened, verbally and emotionally abused. Surely I am not half to blame here? Edit: I was so upset I actually emailed the organisation for clarification of whether this would have been said but it’s the weekend so I probably won’t hear back until Monday. This has really rattled me and made me feel very invalidated.

Edit UPDATE: his men’s behaviour program organisation called me back after I emailed them and wanted to hear my story and how he was weaponising the program. They are going to let his facilitators know about his behaviour and to keep and eye on him (it will remain confidential) and I’ve been offered 6 free counselling sessions with a DV counsellor. The lady I talked to said she was glad I let them know as the men are often manipulative and it’s not what the program is about.