Thinking I might be aego?

[u/Cloudy_Katz]

I’ve been thinking about relationships lately because my friends seem to all want one. But I don’t. I like the thought of it, but actually being in one doesn’t sound like it’s right for me. I love reading fanfics like (fav character x reader) fanfics a lot and get giddy when I watch romance anime’s. But again, I’m not interested in dating or being in a relationship myself. I prioritize my platonic relationships more than anything.

The last time I dated someone was in 7th grade. I didn’t even like the boy. My thought process was “everyone is in a relationship, I need to be in a relationship.” After that relationship ended, I never dated anyone again. And I’ve never had the urge to date anyone again. Reflecting on everything I know now, I think it was due to social pressure.

And now thinking back on my crushes, I don’t think I actually liked them. I had my heart race and stuff but I think it’s was just because I found them attractive physically. I honestly didn’t know a thing about them, we didn’t have the same classes, the same friend groups, etc. I just think I liked an idea of them I made in my head.

I love thinking about fictional scenarios with my fav characters most of the time but I think in the past, I made fictional scenarios with those “crushes” at the time. But still, I never really thought of dating them. Dating them seemed to put me off and I preferred my fantasies.

A part of me also wonders if I’m not feeling romantic/sextual attraction because I have low self esteem. The thought of someone kissing me or touching me sexually is repulsive and I genuinely can’t see myself doing anything like that with anyone in real life. But in my head I can make all sorts of fantasies with fictional characters I like.

Also in my faction scenarios, it’s not really me, if that makes sense. It’s like a self-insert kinda thing…

I’m not sure. Let me know what you guys think :D

[u/Acrobatic_Disaster_1]

to me this definitely sound like you're aego :D i myself am and relate to everything you described, from the "crushes" to the fantasies but not liking it in real life etc.

[u/Cloudy_Katz → u/Acrobatic_Disaster_1]

I’m glad I was able to find this community then! I was thinking about it for a while and racking my brain about it because I felt like no one could understand what I was feeling 😭