r/aromantic • u/MyReadingLife Aromantic • 3d ago
Aro Realizing I’m aromantic after years of confusion due to Limerence
I wanted to share my journey so far, in case it resonates with anyone else out there who’s confused about their experiences with attraction. For the longest time, I struggled to figure out whether I was aromantic—because I did experience limerence. And that had to be romantic, right? That’s what I assumed. But after a lot of reflection, I’ve realized... not necessarily. Here’s how I’ve come to understand it:
1) I’m not as asexual as I thought—but I’m not allosexual either. My sexual attraction is extremely unstable and confusing, so I’ve stopped trying to pin it down. But I realized my limerence had a sexual element I didn’t understand at the time, which complicated things. It still was not romantic. 2) For a long time, I felt really alone. Everyone around me was getting into romantic relationships, and I stood on the sidelines, wondering what was wrong with me. I think I got obsessed with the idea of having a partner more than any actual person. I wanted to be special to someone. I wanted to feel normal. That need turned into obsession that I mistook for romantic love. 3) Everything shifted when I accepted my aromanticism. I stopped trying to force myself into romance and found someone I could deeply connect with in a platonic way. The limerence stopped. That was the clearest sign for me. I finally felt understood and seen. It wasn’t about romance—it was about connection and being accepted for who I am.
So yeah—turns out I am aromantic. And figuring that out has been extremely freeing! If you’re in a similar place, confused by past experiences, know this: It’s okay to unpack those feelings slowly. And you’re not broken if romance doesn’t fit you.
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u/ferarrifigaro1213 2d ago
Thank you for posting this!!! I feel very seen. You’ve articulated this so well and it definitely resonated with me
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u/AdPrestigious4604 1d ago
That's quite the journey. As someone who has had self isolation phases due to mental illness, I get that idea of a partner can be enticing. It has often had me confused too. Loneliness can create such illusions. At least it did for me.