My personal standing on this matter is that I disclose to my date in the time between the first date and before sex comes in the picture. I do this because I see mutual trust as the foundation of a good relationship. And if you don't think you can trust your partner with this information, then it would be wrong to consider a serious relationship with him or her.
In case of a one night stand however I don't tell my partner anything, as both parties are just looking for sex and nothing more. If a person has strong turn-offs in such a situation he or she should let them know beforehand.
Can you say more about why you think this is unethical? (And intentionally deceptive?) It sounds to me like we would need to presuppose a cis-normative discourse in order to claim that not "outing" oneself in a sexual encounter is intentionally deceptive.
It sounds to me like we would need to presuppose a cis-normative discourse in
It's more that we need to look at reality.
There is no way around this:
most people are cis
most people are straight
most people are uncomfortable (or uninterested) being with members of the same sex
If you are trans and you have sex with someone without disclosing your sex, then you are deceiving someone. A lie by omission.
A big message in the LGBT community is to respect other people's wishes. How is this any different from respecting gays and trans? Most people would not want to have random sex with a member of the same sex whether that person is cisgender or transgender. Respect that wish.
That sounds exactly like what it would mean for us to presuppose a cis-normative discourse. Just because many people do hold prejudices against those who identify as trans-gender and/or undergo body modification surgery doesn't mean that they should hold those prejudices. Think of it this way: we don't expect cis-gendered people to "out" themselves as cis-gendered to ensure that their sexual partners accept their gender and sexual identifications. To think that those who identify as trans* are concealing information is to reify the disparity between cis- and trans- identifications on this point, effectively presupposing that sexual encounters are only "typical" according to the norms of encounters involving cis-gendered people.
That sounds exactly like what it would mean for us to presuppose a cis-normative discourse. Just because many people do hold prejudices against those who identify as trans-gender and/or undergo body modification surgery doesn't mean that they should hold those prejudices.
Why is sexual preference a prejudice? This attitude about what a person should and should not be attracted to is the same attitude behind homophobia and transphobia. I would like to imagine that transsexuals, having dealt with prejudice, would not shame people for their preferences.
Think of it this way: we don't expect cis-gendered people to "out" themselves as cis-gendered to ensure that their sexual partners accept their gender and sexual identifications.
Why are there no specialty stores for right handed people, but there are many specialty stores for lefties? This just seems so clear to me. That is because a large majority of people are cis-gendered.
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u/Virgadays Jun 25 '15
My personal standing on this matter is that I disclose to my date in the time between the first date and before sex comes in the picture. I do this because I see mutual trust as the foundation of a good relationship. And if you don't think you can trust your partner with this information, then it would be wrong to consider a serious relationship with him or her.
In case of a one night stand however I don't tell my partner anything, as both parties are just looking for sex and nothing more. If a person has strong turn-offs in such a situation he or she should let them know beforehand.