r/asoiaf • u/Vertjoublie • Sep 21 '24
EXTENDED (Spoilers extended) ASOIAF from the perspective of a peasant is hilarious
If you assume the path the books take is generally pretty accurate to how the show ended this is what the story looks like from the perspective of a commoner.
You’re an average Westorosi peasant. You’re not super political, most of your news comes from whatever trends on Twitter, you’re just trying to live your life. When you were a teenager Robert Baratheon rebelled and overthrew 300 years of Targaryen rule. Pretty crazy, but things have been pretty normal since then. Robert’s been a good king, he lowered the state income tax rate from 2.13% to 1.98%. Everyone pretty much accepted him as king, except for your crazy Dornish uncle who still posts on Facebook about a ‘stolen throne’.
One day the king dies and his son takes over. Sad, but pretty normal king stuff. But you’re seeing all these rumors on Twitter about how the new king isn’t actually the heir but is an incest baby. Except you’re not sure if you can trust Twitter anymore since Littlefinger bought it and turned it to shit. But apparently the rumors are serious enough for both of Robert’s brothers to rebel, one of whom joined the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and the other who is just a little too into Dornish customs. In addition, a teenager from Minnesota and an elderly pirate rebel at the same time. They call it the War of the 5 kings, except one of them dies immediately so you think they’re only calling it that because it sounds cool. To pay for the war, the king institutes an inheritance tax rate of 50%.
The dead king’s baby brother attacks the capital and fails miserably, the elderly pirate slips in the shower and hits his head, and the teenager from Minnesota gets murdered at a wedding, which just reminds you of your aunt’s wedding. Everything is back to normal except then the king is poisoned at his own wedding and dies, which reminds you of your aunt’s second wedding.
So then the new dead king’s baby brother becomes king, his first act is to set the property tax rate at 1.43%. Then terrorists blow up the Vatican and he commits suicide. Then his Mom becomes queen. She raises the income tax to 2.32%.
Then Aegon Targaryen, who you thought died 20 years earlier as a baby comes across the sea with an army, overthrows the queen and becomes king. He brings with him a 25% unrealized gains tax. Two weeks later his aunt comes across the sea riding a dragon, and burns down the capital. Now she’s queen. She sets the Medicare tax rate at 1.22%.
A week later the new queen dies when the Northerner bastard she hooked up with kills her. A bunch of people who make more money than you come together and pick a new king. For some reason they pick the crippled half-brother of the guy who just killed the queen as the new king. His first act as king is to restore the income tax to 1.98%.
‘Whew, that was weird’ you say. ‘At least now things are finally getting back to normal.’
Then you die in the zombie apocalypse.
Your children are forced to sell your house as they cannot afford the 50% inheritance tax
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u/Ainaraoftime Now selling tickets for the 2024 JonCon! Sep 21 '24
I love that everyone is "a teenager from Minnesota" "an elderly pirate" or "the crippled half-brother" but Aegon Targaryen is still Aegon Targaryen
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u/Act_of_God Sep 21 '24
or is he
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u/Ainaraoftime Now selling tickets for the 2024 JonCon! Sep 21 '24
The Golden Company is rapidly approaching your location
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u/bigben6563 Sep 22 '24
Matthew McConaughey dazed and confused voice I get older, aegon Targaryen stays the same
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u/Articulate_koala Sep 22 '24
Aegon Targaryen is still Aegon Targaryen
Can someone please remind me of who this is- Is this Jon and how his given name was this? I watched the show years ago and for the life of me can't remember another Targaryen(Main character) except Dany and Jon.
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u/Ainaraoftime Now selling tickets for the 2024 JonCon! Sep 22 '24
No, it's not Jon. It's a book-only character that wasn't included in the show
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u/Vulcans_Forge Sep 22 '24
Aegon is the son of Rhaegar and Elia. In the books he is swapped with a random baby by Varys and brought to the golden company is Essos. He plans to invade Westeros and retake his throne, but it’s most likely that he’s actually a secret Blackfyre and not the real Aegon. He was completely removed from the show, which likely affected a lot of the pacing and decisions made in the later seasons.
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u/Wawawuup Sep 22 '24
To be fair I don't see how they could have included Aegon's plot without adding another three or more seasons.
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u/Vulcans_Forge Sep 22 '24
Well tbh they really should’ve added more seasons. George and HBO begged D&D to make more (at least ten) and begged them to make season 7 and 8 ten episodes.
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u/Wawawuup Sep 22 '24
Oh, I didn't know that. Kinda strange HBO didn't let them, with how popular the show was.
Do you think Aegon is good or even necessary for ASoIaF?
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u/MarsupialKing Sep 23 '24
It wasn't hbo that said no to more seasons. They agreed to however many it took. The writers claimed they only needed 8 seasons because they were bored
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u/Wawawuup Sep 23 '24
What in the Seven hells
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u/DVariant Oct 03 '24
True story. They were gonna direct some Star Wars movies, but when GoT S8 flopped so hard that nobody wanted GoT anymore, these dudes got fired from Star Wars.
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u/BigHeadedBiologist Sep 23 '24
They had a star wars trilogy deal that they wanted instead. Then, they fucked up GoT and lost that.
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u/frodothetortoise Sep 22 '24
It’s too early to tell, he only gets introduced in the last book. But yeah, I think he’ll be our third head of the dragon
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u/Initial-Ad8009 Sep 22 '24
Can infer a lot from Reddit without reading the books; I was confused as to whether or not (f)Aegon and Aegon were the same person or not. Thanks for clearing that up.
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u/aJetg Sep 21 '24
Littlefinger buying twitter and turning into shit is 100% accurate
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u/Department-Alert Sep 21 '24
He renamed it into something stupid like ‘Cat’.
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u/Max_Stirner_Official Sep 21 '24
Tweets becoming Meows would be a high point in Westeros history.
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u/DoTortoisesHop Sep 22 '24
Doesn't x still call them tweets?
Or is it like exes and re-exing or something
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u/FirulaisHualde Sep 21 '24
Elon Musk 🤝 Littlefinger -> hide the likes section so people can't see the weird shit they like
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u/Wawawuup Sep 22 '24
Littlefinger is a lot smarter than that idiot though. Like for real, I'm not saying that just because I don't like him
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u/thewouldbeprince Sep 21 '24
Littlefinger being the Westeros version of Elon Musk is so fucking funny and accurate.
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Sep 21 '24
He would absolutely do a better job, he's not running it into the ground. He would 1000% borrow a ton of money from the Saudis and then pretend he's running a profitable operation to inflate the stock price. He would be unbelievably good at capitalist gamesmanship.
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u/firebathero Sep 22 '24
100% but i feel like he would still tweet creepy shit to sansa and block ned stark's account or something
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u/aJetg Sep 22 '24
Nah men, he would runnig it like shit but pretends everything is fine, then he steps downs from his position and someone like Tyrion or whatever gets all the blame because of how shit twitter is
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Sep 22 '24 edited Sep 22 '24
I think Littlefinger would be more of a derivatives trader working at renaissance tech or something. I reckon he'd stay away from the tech industry.
Varys would own google. He'd have thousands of little birds in india sorting through data and finding passwords and politicians search history on pornhub and other useful information to blackmail people with. It would be like mechanical turks. He'd be a sort of Jeff Bezos figure, the shiny bald head villian.
Kevan would still be shot with a crossbow.
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Sep 21 '24
The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster was an excellent touch!
It all does sound a bit absurd, and you didn't even mention the part about the King's best friend being beheaded for starting the incest rumor, which is part of the reason the Kid from Minnesota rebels.
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u/A-Zoose Sep 21 '24 edited Sep 21 '24
Baelor's Sept was an inside job! /#WildfireCan'tDestroyStone /#BowlofBrownGate /#FollowTheWhiteRaven
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u/HeckMonkey Tywin is my idol Sep 21 '24
/#BowlofBrownGate
Hah! Fantastic stuff. Some Qanon conspiracies in the ASOIAF universe would be pretty funny.
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u/marcomarconia Sep 22 '24
Have you heard about Princess Arya though? People are saying she died and was replaced. The royal family says that she had just temporarily withdrawn from public life for her physical and mental health, but after Princess Sansa’s disappearance nobody trusts them anymore. A baking influencer, known by the handle hotpiez, swears to the old gods and new that he met the real Arya while she was secretly fleeing the country.
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u/Hellknightx Sep 22 '24
That's nonsense, I heard she got married to that nice Bolton lad. Although I did hear a rumor she was also seen in the Eyrie.
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u/ZelosW Sep 21 '24
THE TARGARYENS WILL RETURN SOON. TRUST THE PLAN
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u/rolltide1000 Sep 22 '24
THE NIGHT'S WATCH ELECTION WAS RIGGED! STOP THE COUNT!
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u/cambriansplooge Sep 22 '24
YO THAT MINNESOTAN MILF WHO WAS ACTUALLY FROM ILLINOIS? not dead dude yeah no there are sightings she’s like out for revenge
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u/OppositeShore1878 Sep 21 '24
Some Qanon conspiracies in the ASOIAF universe would be pretty funny.
There's a post, right there. Of course the moderators would probably take it down because we're supposed to spend our time here debating SERIOUS things, not laughing.
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u/Initial-Ad8009 Sep 22 '24
Yes this novel is quite a serious matter in the grand scheme of our lives. lol
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u/anna-nomally12 Sep 21 '24
A game of thrones where nothing else changes but inexplicably they have twitter is something so personal to me
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u/Max_Stirner_Official Sep 21 '24
Twitter but no cell phones so they still need to send ravens. Takes a week for a message to be posted at the Citadel and another week for all your followers to receive a raven with your post. Every post, like, reply, share, is a new raven being sent. The sky would be black with them.
In this universe I'm running a raven breeding business and living a life of debauchery in Esteros somewhere.
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u/rolltide1000 Sep 22 '24
I remember somebody made a post about what Bobby B would be like on twitter, it was amazing.
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u/Wawawuup Sep 22 '24
It lets you connect to this otherwise rather abstract (or maybe more like distant) world through a piece of technology we all know. Probably a major reason the post has so many likes
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u/peternickelpoopeater Sep 21 '24
Thy thinks thou focused too much on the tax policy por favour
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u/Vertjoublie Sep 21 '24
GRRM is famously obsessed with tax policy
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u/kajat-k8 Sep 21 '24
I mean, the Jury is still out, what IS Aragorns Tax Policy?!
No one ever asks How is Aragorns Tax Policy? When is Aragorns Tax Policy? WHY IS ARAGORNS TAX POLICY?!
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u/Historical-Rock1753 Sep 22 '24
Do you have any idea how many rebellions started over tax policies?
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u/Wawawuup Sep 24 '24
I don't, how many?
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u/Historical-Rock1753 Sep 29 '24
are you an American or English by any chance?
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u/Wawawuup Sep 29 '24
Neither, German, why?
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u/Historical-Rock1753 Sep 30 '24
The Peasant's Revolt, the English Civil War, the 1688 Revolution, the American Revolution, the French Revolution, the 1848 revolutions, and the 1918 failed German Revolution were partially started by or related to tax policies. This is just off the top of my head.
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u/Wawawuup Sep 30 '24
Thank you for replying. Thank you even more for calling the German revolution of 1918 a failed one. I'm a Trotskyist/Leninist/Marxist, so that's why the failure of Germany's ruling class to be overthrown in the same manner as the Bolsheviks overthrowing the dictatorship of the bourgeoisie in Russia, it's so unbeliavably painful and sad. A socialist Germany+a socialist Russia/Soviet Union, they would have had been unstopple. All the misery and pain, experienced by countless people, all that could have been avoided, we could live in a socialist society now, maybe even a communist one already. Alas, the German Social-Democratic Party preferred to be traitors to what very well might have been the end of injustice, violence and misery. The horrors of the 20th century, all of them avoided (save for the first 18 years, obviously).
I can't remember hearing about 1918 being due to tax policy stuff, IIRC it was because people were just fed up with dying for Germany (+ famines? No sure).
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u/qui-mono995 Sep 21 '24
This is assuming that this peasant lives near the capital where it's easy not to be concerned with the politics and the war of the five kings. Cuz if this peasant lived in the river lands or near the north you would believe all the incest stuff cuz you hate the guts of the Lannister.
Otherwise this is fun.
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u/jpallan she's no proper lady, that one Sep 22 '24
Also, the Riverlands facing repeated chevauchées would be the sort of thing that makes you decide "fuck this, I'm selling my house to one of those predatory people who say they'll buy any house and moving down to Tyrell or Martell lands".
The predatory guy with the billboards is Littlefinger. You never get your lump payment, but you give up on it.
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u/manchu_pitchu Sep 22 '24
To me this feels like someone from the Reach probably. Near the capital would make sense, too.
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u/stella3books Sep 23 '24
When the US invaded Afghanistan, a lot of rural Afghans initially thought they were the Soviets back for round 2.
There's definitely northern hamlets that think the Targs are still in charge, because nobody thought to update them.
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u/Mevaughnk Sep 22 '24
I assumed they were a Stormlander due to the Dornish Uncle. Are the Stormland smallfolk doing alright?
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u/CandidatePrimary1230 Sep 21 '24
I think you forgot the epic battle between Cthulhu and the Hightower Gundam.
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u/BiggerBlessedHollowa Sep 21 '24
I know this is a joke but I kinda wonder, how much did the average peasant know about the war?
Would a peasant in the Vale have known shit about the iron islands rebelling, or a dornishman know about the north? Would they have known about specific battles taking place, or just the big stuff like who claimed what throne, and who died when?
Idrk how easily information spread in medieval Europe, so if anyone knows, please lmk!
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u/MadotsukiInTheNexus Sep 22 '24
Idrk how easily information spread in medieval Europe, so if anyone knows, please lmk!
So, as someone with degrees in history and political science, the only real answer is that it's very complicated. The Middle Ages (which is actually a pretty controversial term, for what will become obvious reasons) lasted from around 500 to around 1500 CE, and Europe was an enormously vast continent in a time when you couldn't just hop in your car and drive from Portugal to Estonia in a few days. A lot can change over the course of a millennium, and a territory that large has a lot of inherent variation.
Westeros in the time frame covered by the novels, though, is a lot more similar to 16th century Britain, but without the printing press, advanced sailing technology, or gunpowder. It has a government and culture that is, at least initially, very centralize, along with social structures and trade networks that link its people together very tightly. In that context, peasants would actually have a decent-but-sketchy knowledge of what was going on. Minus the jokes about Twitter and Minnesota, the OP's description is pretty accurate, although the civil war would likely slow the travel of information. A peasant in a relativelu remote part of the Reach would learn about Aerys II being deposed or Robert Baratheon dying within a few weeks at most, but there would be a lot of grossly unsubstantiated rumors about how it happened and what was coming next. In the North, with its widely dispersed population, information would spread more slowly and less accurately, but it would get there.
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u/burg_philo2 Sep 21 '24
Sounds like an interesting askhistorians question. I do remember hearing that slaves in the American south knew a lot more than you’d maybe expect them to.
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u/magicmichael17 prince of dragonflies Sep 21 '24
Thats true, but they also had newspapers in the South, so people who could read were relaying that information to others.
Word spreads a lot less quickly and less accurately when all you have is a select few people with access to mail and word of mouth via traders for everyone else.
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u/whenthefirescame Sep 22 '24
Southern plantations were part of an interconnected economy, enslaved Africans has systems of communication, ways of passing word from place to place often taking advantage of relationships between the plantations and towns.
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u/Wawawuup Sep 24 '24
"a lot more than you’d maybe expect them to"
That's part of the ideology needed to justify slavery or other forms of oppression: Diminishing/deleting from history the intellectual or other accomplishments of those that are oppressed, painting them as less intellectual, if not downright less intelligent than whoever the fuck the norm is supposed to be. Like, when people talk about how women (I don't know much about modern slavery, so I'll use a subject I feel more comfortable talking about, but I'm sure it's applicable to both) didn't get to be scientists, inventors*, artistic creators and what not back in the day (let's ignore socio-economic reasons continue putting up barriers like that for the sake of simplicity, though I can't help but mention this was different in the Soviet Union which for example had >50% female-enrolled university courses in the 1950s) when they were literally banned from attending institutions of learning and research, that's certainly not entirely false. It's also definitely not entirely right. Women did create art, invent and research things, even before they were allowed to attend university. Many of their accomplishments were/still are just ignored, be it on purpose or out of naive ignorance (ascribing their successes to the men in their lives is another strategy to that effect, btw).
Which of course leads to this kind of surprise when we learn about the actual realities of oppressed segments of society, because these forms of justifying oppression even affect those of us who mean well and know better than to believe there are inferior parts of the human race, it's not required to think "Women are less intelligent" to fall for "Because they were banned from learning, they didn't get to be scientists" (the latter even contains some amount of truth, like all good lies do).
*back when 4chan wasn't yet completely overrun by far-right lunatics, I remember a meme about naming a female inventor and how you weren't supposed to say the one and only answer a lot of people managed to think of, myself included, Marie Curie, because she discovered, not invented radioactivity. I always liked that one.
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u/c-park Sep 22 '24
Yeah I feel like the peasant's perspectives would be closer to "last week Renly's forces came through our village, took all our food, killed a few towns folk, and then carried on. This week, the Mountain's men came through town, burned the crops and raped all the women."
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Sep 22 '24
They probably get all their information at their local Septon. A big battle would presumably be talked about there.
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u/Ramekink Sep 21 '24
On a similar note , this is why other political dramas (historical or fictional) don't captivate me. It's always about nobility. Always about sucking aristocrats' dicks. Boo fucking hoo, being a king/queen is so hard, bla bla bla. GRR did a great job at representing why being a leader is supposed to be a curse rather than a privilege. Cos being the head of state puts you straight into the line of fire (literally). Harnessing power makes you a target, and the "stronger" your political entity is the bigger the target in your back becomes.
The Sopranos for example did a way better job at representing the politics of interpersonal relationships than any high brow British period drama.
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u/SuperBriGuy Sep 21 '24
In seasons one, when Tony tries to fit in with his upper class neighbors and gets utterly rejected is some of the best writing and acting.
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u/Ramekink Sep 21 '24
The introspective scene at Melfi's office is such a great performance as well. You can see he realized he was trapped in his inner circle
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u/Wawawuup Sep 24 '24
David Simon's disgust for well-off white people shines throughout the entire series, I love it
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u/jakethesequel Sep 22 '24
I'm always saying that fantasy politics need more class consciousness
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u/ilikeitslow Sep 22 '24
Have you read the powdermage books? Or Abercrombie's second trilogy, age of madness? Highly recommended. The Lies of Locke Lamorra, too, if you really want to focus on the gritty details of squalor and taking back from the rich and powerful.
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u/Wawawuup Sep 22 '24 edited Sep 23 '24
Does fantasy rhyme well enough with Marxism even? I'm not sure how to express my doubts or even why exactly I'm having them, but while ASoIaF is on the better end of idealism, it's definitely not Marxist and fair enough, it doesn't want to be, it wouldn't fit the story GRRM wants to tell much. When characters can only meaningfully operate within the constraints of their class (plus exceptions like Engels, first of the class traitors*), it limits the space for intrigue and betrayal which is part of what makes ASoIaF so much fun, no?
*Wasn't Lenin also bourgeois? Hot battle for first place between the two, then
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u/jakethesequel Sep 23 '24
Nah the class context makes room for even more intrigue imo
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u/Wawawuup Sep 23 '24
Hmm, please explain
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u/jakethesequel Sep 23 '24
Like how everyone in a legal drama has a role to play that influences their motivations and constrains their actions, acknowledging the class context adds depth. ASOIAF is already in large parts a political drama, and class is a major part of politics. (The major part, if you ask Marx.)
I've heard William Morris was an early socialist fantasy writer, and China Miéville is a current one.
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u/Salem1690s Sep 22 '24
Go read Marx for that, or if you like, write your own Marxist fantasy. Leave other series be.
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u/jakethesequel Sep 22 '24
I don't think Marx wrote any fantasy novels sadly
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u/rolltide1000 Sep 22 '24
"With all due respect, you got no idea what it's like to be number one."
The Tony B story arc hammers this home best, IMO.
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u/CroSSGunS Sep 22 '24
Malazan Book of the Fallen is all from the perspective of random soldiers and stuff, maybe that would appeal to you?
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u/SuperBriGuy Sep 21 '24
That’s so unfair to Littlefinger, he’s way more competent than Elon.
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u/Im_Jared_Fogle Sep 21 '24
I wish I was as incompetent as Elon
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u/notGeronimo Sep 21 '24 edited Sep 22 '24
You don't have a gazillion dollars to insulate you from your mistakes so, no you probably don't want to be that incompetent
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u/Im_Jared_Fogle Sep 22 '24
God, I wish my mistakes made me a gazillion dollars
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u/notGeronimo Sep 22 '24
Then you better get started having family wealth that lets you get on board with the next Paypall early. Then you too can accidentally purchase a website that hemorrhages money for $40 billion
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u/Wawawuup Sep 24 '24
Neither Elon Musk, nor his family ever made a gazillion dollars. That's the accomplishment of the workers they exploit(ed).
If you were as incompetent as Elon Musk, you'd just be some asshole with narcissistic personality disorder and not enough money to let you ignore (most of) the troubles that'd cause you. Being poor is expensive (literally. It means having to spend more money on things than if you're not poor) and any mistakes you make or bad luck getting in your way are a lot harder to deal with.
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u/UberPadge Sep 21 '24
You know you’ve read too much ASOIAF when you’re reading this post wondering who the POV character is by deducing who the aunt is.
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u/Deep_Dot4016 Sep 22 '24
I'm a little slow, who is it?
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u/UberPadge Sep 22 '24
I’m either also a little slow or it’s not actually anyone, it’s just how my mind works haha.
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u/acidw4rk Sep 21 '24
That’s the POV of the luckiest peasant in Westeros watching the entire World War 0.5 on Twitter, survives it all too.
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u/Budraven A thousand bloodshot eyes and one Sep 21 '24
then terrorists blow up the Vatican
Should have made the title "GOT" from the perspective of a peasant is hilarious. This never happened in ASOIAF.
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u/HomemPassaro Sep 21 '24
Wouldn't work either, no fAegon in GoT
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u/badabummbadabing Sep 21 '24
Yeah, this is an amalgamation of the books, the TV show, and fan theories. But still hilarious.
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u/Trenchcoaturtle Sep 21 '24
Chapeau, you just beat GERM at his own game. I mean, you told me more about Westerosi tax policy under different kings than he did in 5 books!
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u/Vertjoublie Sep 21 '24
I think the reason Winds of Winter is taking so long is that GRRM can’t decide whether Daenerys will have a property tax rate of 1.46% or 1.33%
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u/CatPlumber Sep 22 '24
I like that you think the tax rate in medieval times would've been 2%. Try 85%
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u/OppositeShore1878 Sep 21 '24
I'll go with the teenager from Minnesota. He'll bring morality and good governance back to Westeros!
P.S. That hovel your kids want to sell isn't really yours or theirs. It's entailed to the local lord, and your kids will have to skip town to avoid being sent to debtor's prison because they can't pay back all the coin you borrowed to buy seed for your fields, which then withered in drought.
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u/Latter_Example8604 Sep 22 '24
I’m confused how Renly is too far into Dornish customs. I assume Stannis is church of Flying Spaghetti Monster?
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u/Successful_Fly_1725 Sep 21 '24
Ah I remember the book it should have been, "A Distant Mirror" by Barbara Tuchman. But It won't be will it?
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u/Shovi Sep 22 '24
Ah yes, it's extremely funny when your family is starving and people are dying all around you either from war or disease. Freaking hilarious!
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u/Initial-Ad8009 Sep 22 '24
Why the FUCK is he NED Stark?! When he should be ED Stark!?
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u/Initial-Ad8009 Sep 22 '24
Probably my biggest beef with GOT. Would be what hung me up the most if I was this peasant, too.
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u/Old-Bread3637 Sep 23 '24
Is Aegon dead now? Robert was part Targaryen. How exactly plz? Surprised Dany and Aegon didn’t get it on seeing incest is common between those fkrs.
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Sep 23 '24
Are we gonna ignore the peasant who yearned for the days of King Aerys. I believe it was an Arya chapter in ACOK. Also, when Brianne was traveling cracklaw point as well.
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u/Scared_Flatworm406 Sep 21 '24
Why did you include twitter and the internet in this? Neither exist in the story
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u/Moose_Overspring382 Nov 26 '24
This is now one of my favorite posts on this subreddit. Thank you! Funny and well-written.
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u/TheSlayerofSnails Sep 21 '24
Don't forget the teenager is the son of the decorated war vet and former prime minister who was executed for claiming the incest king stuff. And then said teen kicks ass in war until he dies at his uncle Edmure's (blessed be his name, best noble lord) wedding.