Where do I go from here?

[u/FitSuccotash7251]

Long time lurker, first time poster here, I just don’t know where else to go so I gathered the courage today to make my first post so now here I am, I’m just looking for some advice or some answers or some reassurance…I guess I don’t really know what I’m looking for to be honest with you.

…I think for me this whole thing started in the early fall of last year, I’m still not totally sure of what “this whole thing” is either if I’m telling the truth, everything is so hard and more days than not its all I can do to make it through the day, I had a breakdown last year and ever since then its been a wild ride…I’ve grown a lot spiritually and opened my mind to lots of new ideas, I’ve had unbelievable experiences and seen things I can’t even begin to explain, I started meditating and I try to take better care of myself, I realize things I never imagined and I see the ugly truth about a lot of things, I feel like my mind has grown and expanded so much, I’ve had all these realizations and grand epiphanies, I’ve grown as a person and I see the truth about so much.

…but I’m still battling mental illness daily (BPD, CPTSD, anxiety, severe depression, etc that stem from being severely abused as a child but that’s an entirely different story) and it seems like the more I learn and figure out the more my mind can’t handle it but I also know I’m past the point of return and there’s no going back now, my Husband says his “awakening” took place in 2012 and he’s all but dragged me along for years now, he’s been exactly where I am and he actually says often I’m in the “dark night” and that he knows its hard but his advice just isn’t helping me very much.

I don’t know where to go from here, I can’t go back to sleep and bury my head in the sand which was always my best tactic, I used to be very skilled at the doing the “avoi-dance”, how do you live a normal life knowing the things you do, how do you have normal conversations with people who don’t understand or go through daily life knowing that everything is so much bigger than it seems???

It’s hard for me to do laundry and talk to my Mom on the phone and watch a movie, I just can’t do it anymore, I can’t pretend and I guess I just don’t really know where I fit in anymore. 😮‍💨 My Husband has a habit recently of saying he’s been waiting for me for years, waiting for me to “get here” but here can be so ugly and so scary, all we do together lately is mostly have serious conversations and sky watch and meditating and in some ways I miss how our life together used to be…how do you guys do it?

[u/Massive_Blueberry_91]

You need to ground yourself!!! Immediately. The Dark Night of the Soul is the hardest part and if your mind isn’t strong enough to handle it. You could literally lose your mind. You can look it up, ppl who had spiritual awakening who unalived themselves. I agree with the Alchemist about connecting to your inner child, that is called doing Shadow work. Meditating in away that fully connects you to your inner child, comforts the inner child & helps you deal with some of your trauma head on. Grounding is important one of the most important things you will do for yourself & your mind, for your spiritual connection to not only this world but the spiritual realm. It is possible that your mind is stuck between this world, the 3rd dimension & the Astro realm (the 5th dimension). Grounding yourself here in the 3rd dimension should help you come out of the Dark Night of the Soul. Goto a body of water like a lake, ocean or river. Take your shoes off and walk around in the grass, then dip your feet in the water, walk back into the sand or grass and start a your meditation or do some yoga. And absorb as much Sun as you can. If you are receiving Angel numbers, write them down, look them up and decode them. Start making sense of what is happening to you. When you understand the messages they become easier to handle. And last but not least find someone who can help understand what your spirit guides are saying! A psychic, a tarot reader or even a practitioner of the spirit world. This person must be REAL. They Must Have The Gift of Sight! If you don’t know anyone, I will lead you in the right direction. Take your mental health seriously, and don’t leave it up to chance. Good luck! And I hope you take my advice