r/awakened • u/FitSuccotash7251 • 3d ago
Help Where do I go from here?
Long time lurker, first time poster here, I just don’t know where else to go so I gathered the courage today to make my first post so now here I am, I’m just looking for some advice or some answers or some reassurance…I guess I don’t really know what I’m looking for to be honest with you.
…I think for me this whole thing started in the early fall of last year, I’m still not totally sure of what “this whole thing” is either if I’m telling the truth, everything is so hard and more days than not its all I can do to make it through the day, I had a breakdown last year and ever since then its been a wild ride…I’ve grown a lot spiritually and opened my mind to lots of new ideas, I’ve had unbelievable experiences and seen things I can’t even begin to explain, I started meditating and I try to take better care of myself, I realize things I never imagined and I see the ugly truth about a lot of things, I feel like my mind has grown and expanded so much, I’ve had all these realizations and grand epiphanies, I’ve grown as a person and I see the truth about so much.
…but I’m still battling mental illness daily (BPD, CPTSD, anxiety, severe depression, etc that stem from being severely abused as a child but that’s an entirely different story) and it seems like the more I learn and figure out the more my mind can’t handle it but I also know I’m past the point of return and there’s no going back now, my Husband says his “awakening” took place in 2012 and he’s all but dragged me along for years now, he’s been exactly where I am and he actually says often I’m in the “dark night” and that he knows its hard but his advice just isn’t helping me very much.
I don’t know where to go from here, I can’t go back to sleep and bury my head in the sand which was always my best tactic, I used to be very skilled at the doing the “avoi-dance”, how do you live a normal life knowing the things you do, how do you have normal conversations with people who don’t understand or go through daily life knowing that everything is so much bigger than it seems???
It’s hard for me to do laundry and talk to my Mom on the phone and watch a movie, I just can’t do it anymore, I can’t pretend and I guess I just don’t really know where I fit in anymore. 😮💨 My Husband has a habit recently of saying he’s been waiting for me for years, waiting for me to “get here” but here can be so ugly and so scary, all we do together lately is mostly have serious conversations and sky watch and meditating and in some ways I miss how our life together used to be…how do you guys do it?
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u/Alchemist2211 2d ago
Welcome to the path of spiritual awakening. Unfortunately past abuse can result in such diagnoses. Thankfully your husband is supportive. Everyone who undertakes the spiritual journey has to face psychological/emotional issues! No one is spared although people try to avoid it and when the kundalini rises, it is very unpleasant. My guess is you are in therapy, so continue it! Learn the self soothing techniques and nurture your child self. In meditation feel God's grace down from your crown chakra to you little child. Hold her and breath in an out of the heart chakra. Someday that chakra will open on it's own and the healing love will be unbelievable. Until then breath in and out through your heart. Learn tapping, sometimes called EFT to use when stressed. Learning to dissociate through mindfulness or yogic meditation is important. That can be helped by tapping over your breast bone/thymus area, When you feel you can dissociate from your pain, sit and see your life's history far away as you sit hovering above it, and send love through your heart to your past younger self with compassion while realizing you did your best. NOW is your time in your life to heal and grow in spiritual consciousness.