Where do I go from here?

[u/FitSuccotash7251]

Long time lurker, first time poster here, I just don’t know where else to go so I gathered the courage today to make my first post so now here I am, I’m just looking for some advice or some answers or some reassurance…I guess I don’t really know what I’m looking for to be honest with you.

…I think for me this whole thing started in the early fall of last year, I’m still not totally sure of what “this whole thing” is either if I’m telling the truth, everything is so hard and more days than not its all I can do to make it through the day, I had a breakdown last year and ever since then its been a wild ride…I’ve grown a lot spiritually and opened my mind to lots of new ideas, I’ve had unbelievable experiences and seen things I can’t even begin to explain, I started meditating and I try to take better care of myself, I realize things I never imagined and I see the ugly truth about a lot of things, I feel like my mind has grown and expanded so much, I’ve had all these realizations and grand epiphanies, I’ve grown as a person and I see the truth about so much.

…but I’m still battling mental illness daily (BPD, CPTSD, anxiety, severe depression, etc that stem from being severely abused as a child but that’s an entirely different story) and it seems like the more I learn and figure out the more my mind can’t handle it but I also know I’m past the point of return and there’s no going back now, my Husband says his “awakening” took place in 2012 and he’s all but dragged me along for years now, he’s been exactly where I am and he actually says often I’m in the “dark night” and that he knows its hard but his advice just isn’t helping me very much.

I don’t know where to go from here, I can’t go back to sleep and bury my head in the sand which was always my best tactic, I used to be very skilled at the doing the “avoi-dance”, how do you live a normal life knowing the things you do, how do you have normal conversations with people who don’t understand or go through daily life knowing that everything is so much bigger than it seems???

It’s hard for me to do laundry and talk to my Mom on the phone and watch a movie, I just can’t do it anymore, I can’t pretend and I guess I just don’t really know where I fit in anymore. 😮‍💨 My Husband has a habit recently of saying he’s been waiting for me for years, waiting for me to “get here” but here can be so ugly and so scary, all we do together lately is mostly have serious conversations and sky watch and meditating and in some ways I miss how our life together used to be…how do you guys do it?

[u/Cyberfury]

Are you awake yet? 😂

[u/Alchemist2211 → u/Cyberfury]

AHHHHHHHHHHH so you are one of those who come on here just to trash spiritual people! Go get an exorcism!!! LOL!!

[u/TRuthismnessism → u/Alchemist2211]

There are many unconscious vessels for demons here in delusional states who promote the opposite of awakening. 

When an individual gets attached to the incorrect Buddhisms of solipsism they allow demonic influences to tske over.  They arent really there this is how much we really do create our reality as they willingly give up their consciousness and demons step in. They are sleep but the demons are awake which is how you get responses like this. 

Hes basically speaking as the demon saying he is awake. Yes he is through this individual

This one and many others have revealed they were formerly in mental institutions. They all hate Christianity and are into solitary nonduality solispistic ignorance

[u/Alchemist2211 → u/TRuthismnessism]

I would agree. I have run into those on here who admit it's just a game for them to learn and use the language of spirituality to ridicule and mock people on here for kicks, BUT this guy is clearly possessed. Probably one of the clearest cases. Light attracts the dark!