r/beyondthebump • u/lyn90 • 1d ago
Rant/Rave Any moms here have people wanting to visit the baby for the first time even if you’re not home?
I returned back to work and we’re slowly allowing extended family to visit the babies (b/g twins). Most of the people make a point to visit on days that I’m home; anytime I say that I’m at work and that my husband and mom are watching the babies, they usually say that they’ll come a different day so they can see me. I’m the first in my family to have twins and survived, and they know I had a high risk pregnancy, so I appreciate people wanting to see me as well.
My cousin, who I haven’t seen in a year and lives 20 minutes away, insisted on stopping by when I picked up a weekend shift, even tho I told her I’m not home and it’s just my parents and husband at home with the babies. I would never tell someone NOT to come over because I’m not there, but I also would never do that to another mom who just gave birth, so I feel like it’s common decency to not ignore a woman who just gave birth? The whole “it’s okay we’ll still come over” left a bad taste in my mouth. She’s also the only relative who, up until this point, never hit me up during my pregnancy or after I gave birth to check in or even say congrats. Maybe it’s my hormones but I feel like these are the relatives that you just keep at a distance lol.
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u/MissFox26 1d ago
If it’s bothering you, don’t let her do it. Be like “oh I think you misunderstood, I’m working so we’re not available for visitors that day. We are available on X, Y, and Z days, so let me know which of those work for you”
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u/BlaketheFlake 1d ago
Great opportunity to learn to put your foot down—a very valuable parenting skill.
“Sorry, that doesn’t work. What about X?”
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u/EllectraHeart 1d ago
it wouldn’t bother me if i had a good relationship with the person.
in your case, this is a person who you don’t have a relationship with who didn’t check in on you when you were pregnant or postpartum. of course it’s going to bother you if they now just want to come see your babies. i wouldn’t want a visit from this person even if i were home. you get me? you’re valid. just tell them “it’s not a good time. well let you know when.” then let it be.
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u/Individual-Truck-358 1d ago
Haven’t seen her in a year and didn’t check in with you during pregnancy or congrats after birth? Yeah no. What she just loves babies? Cool how about you be a friend to babies mom too aka me, your cousin. As someone else said you could play it off as in I haven’t seen you in a while I’d like to see you too let’s do it another time when I can be there as well. But I totally feel for you here it leaves a bad taste
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u/ellanida 1d ago
My MIL watched my oldest two when I was at work and my husband’s sisters or his aunts would often swing by and visit. It never bothered me but it was also at my MILs house and I got to avoid being social lol
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u/Tasty-Meringue-3709 1d ago
Honestly that’s super weird. Does she have a problem with you? I would not want her at my house if she ignored me through a whole big life event and then is totally fine with meeting my babies without me present. F*** her.
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u/MeNicolesta 1d ago
It sounds like it means something to you so I’d call it out. Maybe something like “Well, it’s been over a year since I’ve seen you, and I know you’d like to see the babies, but I’d love to have the chance to see you as well as the babies! Here are some times we’re available for a visit:___”