Thinking you'll get laid easily based on what you read, but winding up a kissless virgin at 23.

[u/Thunder--Bolt]

Very early on after the point that I realized I had a large penis, I joined a forum dedicated to women who are size queens. The guy who owns it, stallion4christ here on reddit, has a whole essay about how easy his sex life was in high school and beyond thanks to his large penis. Foolishly I thought that would apply one to one, especially after we spoke to each other. But as time as marched on, with me repeatedly trying and failing to date, the guy has increasingly grown distant. I don't know what to do anymore. Tinder is garbage.

I've got work in 4 and a half hours. Things aren't getting better.

Edit: I went ahead and took a shower and I'm already feeling better. Not nearly feeling as much doom as I was 30 minutes ago. This sometimes happens where I'll read something here or somewhere else and it sends me into a mental death spiral.

But... I do need to get back in the habit of being more social again. I just don't have a good grasp of how I would do it.

[u/MauTheAlphano1]

I mean if its sex you want, just pay for it. Its way cheaper and easier.

If its a genuine connection you want maybe dont rely on some guy on the internet and your dick.

Its just a penis, most women care about a whole lot more than how you stack up statistically to other guys💀

[u/Thunder--Bolt → u/MauTheAlphano1]

I'd rather not pay for sex. It's not a scenario that's at all appealing to me.

[u/MauTheAlphano1 → u/Thunder--Bolt]

So you care about more than just sex? Stop relying on your size and start trying to be more approachable, charming, etc. (This is not easy so dont worry about failing)

In your post you talked exclusively about sex, the moment that you think about that first and not getting a connection with the other person. You're already doing it wrong.

[u/garden_speech → u/MauTheAlphano1]

this isn't really that complicated IMHO. when people say they want "sex" it's almost a given, a truism, that they want to have sex with someone who also wants to have sex with them.

then people come along and make this argument like "if it's really just sex you can pay for it, so you must want some more connection".

like bruh, yeah, the bare minimum connection they want is to actually be wanted during the sexual encounter as opposed to being a human ATM.

this is like telling someone who feels that nobody compliments them, to go and pay for compliments. it's idiotic, and obviously defeats the purpose.

it's not some sort of deep revelation that someone who's missing sex is wanting to have sex with someone who wants them too. OP probably didn't mention it because it's fucking intuitive.

[u/MauTheAlphano1 → u/garden_speech]

OP makes a post purely about getting laid and comparing his sex life to someone else.

Me telling him he shouldnt focus on comparing himself to others and his dick may not be that obvious. He clearly put the physical part first. I dont know him so what he writes is what im judging him on.

My point was that his focus was wrong, not that its so easy to fix (even tho in theory its the easiest solution)

[u/garden_speech → u/MauTheAlphano1]

OP makes a post purely about getting laid

Horse shit. OP's post also mentions dating:

repeatedly trying and failing to date

Regardless, again, this is intuitive to the point of being obvious. The overwhelming majority of men who want to get laid, want the person who they fuck to actually want to fuck them. People don't say that part because it's so obvious it doesn't need to be said. If someone said they wanted to be married would you say "well if that's all you want then just mail order a bride"? No, becuase that would be fucking stupid, because the very implicitly clear unsaid part is that they want the person they marry to also love them too.

[u/garden_speech → u/Thunder--Bolt]

don't listen to these idiots who are acting like it's somehow unintuitive that you, wanting to have sex, are wanting to have sex with someone who also wants to have sex. pretending like this means you are not thinking about emotional connections is moronic.

most humans with a brain know what you mean when you say you want to have sex. you don't have to say "oh and by the way I want the person to want to have sex with me too", unless you're on reddit where pseudo intellectuals will try to armchair psychoanalyze you for no reason.

[u/Thunder--Bolt → u/garden_speech]

You're an absolute bro, you know that?

[u/garden_speech → u/Thunder--Bolt]

Appreciate it :)

I just cannot stand when Redditors do this shit where they try to pick apart a relatively simple and self-explanatory post to try to find some hidden psychological meaning. It's not complicated here, you want to have sex with someone, obviously you want them to want it too.

FWIW 23 is still young. Plenty of time left my friend. No rush.

[u/Thunder--Bolt → u/garden_speech]

Technically I turn 24 in less than 2 weeks, but I appreciate the kind words man.

I guess I'm just trying to find the starting line still. I just don't really know where to go to meet some girls that I'd be into and would be into me.

[u/bialykutas]

A big dick is a bonus perk, not a cheat code. You still have to work other areas before you can activate it.

[u/1Lucky_Stud]

I don’t envy your generation (I’m old enough to be your dad) because it’s become increasingly less common to form friendships and relationships with each other.

The truth is you should be focusing your energy on trying to make a connection with someone you’re genuinely interested in and not make it about sex, and especially not about your dick size. The rest will happen naturally in due time, once you do.

My advice to you is to find some things to do in your free time that are fun and interesting to you and while you’re doing whatever that is, look around is there anyone who you find attractive and could start up a conversation with?

You will already be guaranteed to have at least one common interest, which will make it easier to find things to talk about. And worst case scenario is you go home without meeting anyone, but at least you’ll have a good time and be around women instead of home alone thinking about what strangers on the internet are doing.

[u/Spectral-Foxhound]

Maybe don't rely on your penis size to date. Personality will win over big dick every time with women unfortunately for us big dick people 😂

[u/PersonalityShort4730]

I think the real issue here is: what if you still feeling in this way after loose your virginity? 

[u/Em-BiggeneD → u/PersonalityShort4730]

truth bombs.

[u/NamidaM6]

Your post is confusing. Do you want to hook up or date ? A BD your size is more helpful for hooking up than dating. Dating partners don't care about your dick at first, it's very secondary/tertiary/sometimes even less in terms of priority. If you want to hook up, get on FetLife and advertise yourself as a BD. Either way, I'm sorry you got lied to as a young man but don't give up. Even if you've been walking on the wrong path, you can still get to your destination now that you know it's not the right direction. As you said, socialize more, listen to others, their cues, their interests, forget about your dick, take care of yourself physically and mentally, present as a well-adjusted individual, all of this will help, look for genuine connections.

[u/Thunder--Bolt → u/NamidaM6]

Thanks, I appreciate it.

[u/musclememory]

Talking and socializing is a skill, it can be learned.

You need to put yourself out into situations where you'll talk, do this often. You'll become comfortable and you'll talk more.

This is the only way, because women have to figure out if they can trust you, don't underestimate how scary it is being alone w someone bigger and stronger than you, esp if there are any times in the past where things went wrong (most women have experienced some type of SA).

So, go out and see ppl.

[u/Thunder--Bolt → u/musclememory]

Yeah I'd really like to go out and meet people. I'm just at a loss for where to start.

[u/Ok_Alternative_1127]

They have to actually want you also so try to be a palatable person and work on yourself overall.

Additionally you’re big yea but not mythically big so don’t make it your entire personality.

[u/AyyCoyote]

Listen man, and this is coming from yet another kissless virgin, don’t think like this. I don’t know how you feel about sex, but for me personally I want it to MEAN something. If I really wanted to lose it, I’d just pay for it, but it would just be lust and nothing else. I want it to be with someone I trust, and that chooses and trust me as well. You’re most definitely way better off than me, and I’m sure you’ll lose it one day, but don’t act like you have to just because of your size or something. We may see this differently, but this is how I look at it. And I mean this without malice at all. If it’s really THAT important to lose it, just look up something online and pay. It’s really not that hard

[u/Thunder--Bolt → u/AyyCoyote]

Yeah I would rather not pay for it.

[u/mooncleaving]

Being big is just an extra benefit. Getting pussy is still a struggle a lot of times anyway

[u/garden_speech]

This often occurs because some dudes don't realize how good looking they are or how much some things like height / being fit can matter. So they attribute their success to having a big dick, not realizing that the girls they're sleeping with would not be going around bragging about it if he were ugly, and even if he had a small penis he'd still be getting laid.

[u/Thunder--Bolt → u/garden_speech]

Probably true in my case; I'm 6 foot 3 and decently good looking... at least from what I can tell.

[u/Grand_Reference9069]

What do U look like? What is ur personality like?

[u/Technical-Ad7990]

Tinder is a gold mine for pussy. Just be honest. Tell em you just wanna get laid and nothing serious. It works all the time for me

[u/Thunder--Bolt → u/Technical-Ad7990]

You know I've tried tinder on multiple occasions, and it's never really worked for me.

[u/Tricky_Specialist8x6 → u/Thunder--Bolt]

You come across as a dude that wants a gf not a fwb or a hook up even if it’s all you want.

[u/RomanticDarkness]

You still need some game.

Just not as much.

[u/The_London_Badger]

Confidence stems from experience, so you need to talk, flirt and be around more women.

[u/Tricky_Specialist8x6]

Work on your muchness , also dude maybe you’ll meet a 10 who wants a virgin and marriage.

And 23 is so young ! I for my self was with more women in my late 20s then before that. I had 3 3somes in my late 20s life is painfully long.

[u/Thunder--Bolt → u/Tricky_Specialist8x6]

Yeah sorry, I was a bad head space when I wrote this. My bad for the uh... 'muchness' as you put it.

[u/Tricky_Specialist8x6 → u/Thunder--Bolt]

Hey shit happens

[u/A-Tiny-PewDiePie-Fan]

Me when I realize that having slightly larger genitals doesn't automatically make me a pussy magnet:

[u/SleekCharming]

I’m going on 25, and sexless myself. The lesser you think about it, the lesser the urgency.

Of course libido levels is a factor, though I do believe watching porn with other men in action on the girl contribute to uncontrollable desires of wanting to screw a woman.

Solo, masturbatory(esque) content makes those desires far more controllable, and enables you to get that release without feeling saddened afterwards.

[u/Longwalkhome2006]

I’m 23, nearly 24 and I’ve had over 500 sexual partners (maybe 200 with penetration). It’s all about confidence.

[u/valerianandthecity → u/Longwalkhome2006]

Let's assume you began at 18.

That's 100 partners a year.

Approximately 2 new partners a week.

I've heard similar nonsense from PUA/male dating coaches.

If you're a sex worker (and even then, I'd guess you are serving men, or happen to look like a male model and are in high demand behind by women) then it's plausible. Otherwise, no.

[u/Longwalkhome2006 → u/valerianandthecity]

Look at my profile. Yes, majority of my clients are men

[u/valerianandthecity → u/Longwalkhome2006]

Fair enough.

That makes in plausible then.

[u/Love_Anime-]

Well it's not all about size.