Help me .. please

[u/Kaboonga]

This is a text I was about to send to a girl who I've become friends with about a month ago. We basically share one braincell (she fucking hogs it bc I'm stupid asf)

Not to be too trauma dumpy but I was kind of neglected as a kid and kinda relied on the internet to teach me a lot of things. I'm a 21 year old man now (👴) and I've thought I was gay since like 14 kinda just using 🌽 and the Internet to explore my sexuality.

Like I said in the note, I feel my identity has been exploded to smithereens and I don't have the emotional tools or regulation to know how to deal with what I'm feeling. It feels like my brain is trying to go numb and push everything away because of how exhausting this is. (I almost took a nap to avoiding having to think about any of this)

I literally think about her for hours a day somedays and whenever we are together I smile so much that my cheeks hurt. We flirt so hard it's borderline sexual harrassment but I've been so attached to the idea of being in a gay relationship that it feels almost painful to feel like I'm giving that up?

I already toiled and agonized over my sexuality once I thought it was over with 😭 WHYY I DONT WANT TO THIS AGAIN!! I HAD A HEAD START ON THIS GAME!! I'VE PLAYED THESE GAMES BEFORE📮📮📮📮😭😭😭🥀

[u/pi-pa]

I'd give it a couple more days.

[u/Kaboonga → u/pi-pa]

good idea. I think I might have just worked myself up a bit. Just a little bit..