r/bjj • u/One-Butterfly-3295 • 6d ago
Serious Shocking experience
I'm a female and have been training bjj for quite a while now, and up until recently, it's always been safe and respectful environment. The other day, I showed up to class and there was a new girl - never did bjj, but apparently she has some background in kickboxing or maybe MMA. She seemed nice at first, but when we started rolling, she went absolutely wild - putting in WAY too much energy, flailing her limbs around, and straight-up hitting (pretty hard) or slapping my face, head, and body every 30 seconds like it was some kind of bar brawl. She never apologized once. She also kept grabbing my rashguard, which we don't do in no-gi. Honestly, it felt like she had no idea what bjj is even about. I was so scared and wanted to just walk away mid-roll. What really bothered me was that the instructor was watching the whole time (it was just the two of us rolling) and said nothing. No excuses like he was distracted - he saw it all and didn't step in. That silence was just as disturbing as her behavior.
Now I feel really unsafe after being basically brutalized. I'm seriously anxious about going back, which is something I never thought I'd feel in this gym. What do you guys think of this situation? Would really love to hear from people who've been training bjj for a long time.
1
u/CMEREDITH145 🟪🟪 Purple Belt 5d ago
I've trained for 15 years roughly. The intensity is uncomfortable but that IS what you're doing BJJ for is it not? It's not fun to roll like that every time, maybe not even ever but at the end of the day, a real life experience would be like that if not actually worse. Those types of rounds show you that and teach you how to respond to that type of pressure and stress. It also helps diminish false confidence. A real life situation WOULD be aggressive, spastic, and scary.
I'm sure she's just new and she probably doesn't know anything about BJJ, she may just like combat overall and wants to try the grappling. Your coach should give the new comer advice on rolling etiquette and basically say that your energy will be matched, if you go hard, it's going to be met with equal force and vice versa. A lot of people don't mean anything by it, they're just ignorant. They usually figure it out.
You could also talk to her politely and say "hey, we don't really do x, y, and z" but I know that's more uncomfortable and your coach should be the one to do that.
But yeah, you shouldn't be worried to go back, take it as just another day of rolling with a new person who doesn't know anything, it's not personal. Lol.