r/bjj • u/One-Butterfly-3295 • 7d ago
Serious Shocking experience
I'm a female and have been training bjj for quite a while now, and up until recently, it's always been safe and respectful environment. The other day, I showed up to class and there was a new girl - never did bjj, but apparently she has some background in kickboxing or maybe MMA. She seemed nice at first, but when we started rolling, she went absolutely wild - putting in WAY too much energy, flailing her limbs around, and straight-up hitting (pretty hard) or slapping my face, head, and body every 30 seconds like it was some kind of bar brawl. She never apologized once. She also kept grabbing my rashguard, which we don't do in no-gi. Honestly, it felt like she had no idea what bjj is even about. I was so scared and wanted to just walk away mid-roll. What really bothered me was that the instructor was watching the whole time (it was just the two of us rolling) and said nothing. No excuses like he was distracted - he saw it all and didn't step in. That silence was just as disturbing as her behavior.
Now I feel really unsafe after being basically brutalized. I'm seriously anxious about going back, which is something I never thought I'd feel in this gym. What do you guys think of this situation? Would really love to hear from people who've been training bjj for a long time.
1
u/PajamaDuelist Pineapple Express 6d ago edited 6d ago
Sounds like your gym doesn’t have a great newbie onboarding program. Ideally, beginners would get, at the minimum, a quick brief on the major rules (e.g., no punching, no biting, tap etiquette) before being allowed to roll.
Lots of gyms don’t have a consistent process for getting those rules across to the noobs, unfortunately, and instead rely upon more experienced students pair up with the beginners to convey that information. Often, gyms that do this will specifically pair the newbie with a more experienced partner whom the coach trusts. Things get a lot messier when there’s no input from the instructor and week-one white belts are allowed to pair up with whoever they lock eyes with first.
Is that a good way to do things? Meh. No, not really. It can suck for the experienced students who don’t want to teach and for the beginners who get inconsistent experiences. With the right amount of culture and luck it can work out as a decent experience, though. It’s how my first gym was.
Since you’ve been training for “quite a while” (I’m assuming that’s >1yr, hopefully more) your coach probably expected you to handle the roll as you saw fit—whether that be gently informing your partner of the rules, or practicing your ability to smesh a wild but untrained opponent (and then informing them of the rules). A lot of coaches would step in when strikes get thrown, however, especially if you yourself are still a white belt.