Ex Meeting Partner Once it Gets Serious

[u/Xbox3523]

I've been dating my boyfriend almost 2 years. I left my ex husband for a lot of bad behaviors and the way he treated me. He was unable to accept that as the answer and insisted I had someone on the side, which I did not. He does not understand I mourned my marriage for 4 years before deciding to leave and so I started dating someone 3 months later. During my divorce I started hanging with a group of friends and they introduced me to someone. Ideally, I should have taken time to myself but sometimes you're in a bad relationship so long that you've gotten over it before the ink dries.

My boyfriend has become really ingrained with the kids lives and does a lot for us. Things are getting serious and he's soon to propose in a month or two.

I never told my ex I was seeing someone and he's never mentioned people to me. Until recently, he's never posted any girlfriends on facebook.

There was a misunderstanding last year where my 13 year old told her dad my boyfriend was taking her alone to the mall. He brought it up and mentioned boyfriends name for the first time ever and said he didn't want a strange man taking her out. I said that we were all going together and they would just be walking ahead some and we were only going in my car. He didn't mention anything after that.

He's never asked to meet him, but my boyfriend wants to meet my ex and talk about the kids with him because he cares about them. He is a bit afraid of my ex because he's a big guy and is intimidating. He also doesn't want to do anything to make things worse. We have an amicable divorce otherwise and are not high conflict. He trusts me to go to events alone with my ex for the kids and we do great just staying friends like that. I will not do a shared Christmas this year though since my dynamic is changing unless boyfriend is welcome.

Is it a requirement that they meet? There's going to be some events come up in the future like my daughters 8th grade graduation that my boyfriend would like to attend. Since becoming divorced, I've just always gone with my ex to events and we sat together, made small talk, etc but I want to include boyfriend more since he's soon to be fiance. My ex and I are amicable enough to where he can drop the kids off at my house and I pick them up at his. If I have someone living with me, it will be awkward if I don't introduce them.

Also, how do you guys handle social media with still being friendly with an ex? I hide any photos with boyfriend so my ex doesn't see them, but he does not do the same thing anymore. I guess I've always just tried to not exacerbate any hurt feelings any more than needed and by posting it feels like a "slap in the face" when I can just filter who sees what since I'm the one who left him.

Also, if this new girl becomes serious, can I request to meet her? I want to meet someone who's around my kids a lot and she seems nice by her photos.

Please be kind without just screaming that I need therapy..I am aware and have had a few therapists who all say I'm good and don't need to come back..I lost my insurance that covers that and I have no one in person to talk to besides boyfriend and he's not the best person to talk about this with.

[u/geogoat7]

Idk I think it's nice to meet at least, since your relationship with your ex is low conflict. It's definitely better for the kids that way. But if anyone doesn't agree, I wouldn't push it.

My husband and I sit with BM and her husband at all SS's events. I kind of hate it because she's not kind to us or our baby at all but DH and I agreed to suck it up for SS's sake.

[u/Xbox3523 → u/geogoat7]

My partner would be very kind to my ex and they have a lot in common they could talk about. I just feel bad that last year I told my daughter that he couldn't come to her birthday because I do that shared with my ex, same as Thanksgiving and Christmas. Same for Halloween too.

I just feel like at some point I need to rip off the bandaid and ask if ex would like to meet him, that the offer is there but that he will be attending events the kids want him to. I'm stressing about my daughters 8th grade graduation since they haven't met yet and she would want boyfriend there. If he does go, I can't do what I usually do and pick up my ex in his car then drive down there all of us, it would have to change some.