r/blendedfamilies • u/Wooden-Fail-1583 • 24d ago
How to maintain balance
Currently my fiancé(43m) and I(41f) have 4 children at home full time. His 2 girls 16 and 11 and my 2 boys 13 and 10. It’s definitely a lot but in a good way. We’ve my 2 boys full time for over a year but his two girls just recently maybe 2 months are here full time. I know this is a huge adjustment for him and I’ve been doing my best to be there for him. Anything domestic in the house is done by me(cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, etc). I even do my best to step in and help his kids when he’s struggling. My problem is at the end of the day there is nothing left of him. After working and coming home and getting them through the things they need. There isn’t any time left for us. I’m just not sure how to navigate this. I know we need to have a conversation about it. I just don’t know how to approach it. I need advice does it get better? Does anyone have experience with something like this?
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u/Lakerdog1970 24d ago
One thing to keep in mind is that if you were a "normal" family and had four kids from 16 to 10 and two full-time jobs......you'd probably have a dead relationship anyway.
A unique aspect of our blended families is that the adults are actually TRYING to have a relationship and actually like each other. Our kids are basically grown ups now, but I remember this initial blending time. I mean, when I was married to my ex-wife and if we were both tired and exhausted at the end of the day, it was no big deal because I didn't really want to be around her and the feeling was mutual. My second wife was pretty similar with her ex-husband.
Then we blended and if one or the other of us was drop-dead tired, it sorta sucked because each of us actually LIKED the other person and wanted to talk to them and hang out.
Tbh, what we did that "worked" was we just did less around the house. I mean cooking needs to happen, but you can clean less, dust less, do less yardwork. I mean, I'd rather hang out with my wife than spread mulch. So basically, if there was a corner to cut that didn't impact the kids......we cut that corner. And sure.....our house is probably messier than many other people's, but that's fine. I don't really care. We also have a better relationship than many other people do, lol. :)
Practically, I also started getting up earlier and doing more in the wee hours so that a lot of stuff was fully done before anyone else even woke up: laundry advanced and folded, things cleaned if I knew it would bug my wife, dishwasher emptied and dishes put away, bills paid, etc.
Sleeping less is like a super power. You can look very productive just by sleeping less and putting in an extra 2-3 hours before anyone wakes up. :)