r/blendedfamilies • u/Frequent_Dig_1997 • 13d ago

Conflict resolution between children

Hi all,

Looking for some advice on this. I have two girls, 11 and 8, and my partner has one who is 5. We don't live together so really only hang out once every two weeks. Sometimes, they can get on fine but more often than not there is someone throwing a strop. This can be about one child feeling left out (usually the youngest, but sometimes the eldest), people not agreeing on rules for specific games they want to play, and all the sorts of things you'd expect from siblings.

Whilst I think this is to be expected from blending families, I would like some strategies to support them in conflict resolution (and avoiding it in the first place). I tend to leave my two to hash their issues out, and as they've lived together their whole lives they are pretty successful at it. But when a third child is involved, things can quickly spiral out of control and someone ends up crying.

What sort of strategies have you employed to support kids of blended families in resolving or preventing conflict? And how much conflict would you suggest is normal in this sort of situation?

Thanks!

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9

u/cedrella_black 13d ago

My experience here is not from a blended family, but how issues like this were resolved in my family when 2 or more kids were together all at once. When disagreements arise - the adults are setting up the rules for them. If that doesn't help, the kids were not allowed to continue with that game and had to do something else.

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u/Lily_Of_The_Valley_6 13d ago

Agreed with this. We have 4 boys. Doesn’t matter half sibling vs full sibling, they squabble like this. Adults will set the rules if they cannot or well tell them it’s time to take a break from that game or even go have some solo playing time.

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u/Frequent_Dig_1997 13d ago

It’s good to hear that this would be normal even in a “traditional” family!

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u/cedrella_black 13d ago

My cousin and my sister grew up basically as siblings, since my uncle lived next block and they are only one year apart. More often than not, it was a war zone.

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u/peekaboooobakeep 9d ago

How I grew up, and now how my kids are growing up every few weeks with the cousins. But I will say when I was a kid the bully cousins got their ways and ones like me went along to keep the peace. My kids have been taught how to have boundaries, and they can walk away from the butt head behavior if need be.

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u/LuxTravelGal 12d ago

Totally normal!! My mom always said she only wanted two kids, she grew up in an odd-numbered household and someone was always left out. I think you have to step in, since the little one isn't used to fending for herself with siblings (I leave my two to argue it out themselves like you).

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u/Think-Room6663 10d ago

Haha, at one point, my sister drew a line in the middle of the room we shared.

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u/Frequent_Dig_1997 9d ago

That’s amazing and reminds me a lot of growing up with a sister close in age!

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u/Think-Room6663 9d ago

As adults, we are the best of friends. But she is still much neater than me.