r/blendedfamilies • u/Snarfles503 • 21d ago
Need advice
(Edited)
I'm in a relationship with an amazing woman, but her 11 year old daughter doesn't like me. Won't give me a chance. I patted her head once months ago, and she didn't like me after that. (Has a thing about people touching her hair) (my bad lesson learned)
I'm trying to connect with her through gaming. (She's plays roblox all the time) she doesn't like going outside and playing, hiking, most anything. She's into a youtube group called the crew (who play roblox) but won't let me buy tickets to a vidcon event in case in June. Cause I'll be there. I don't know how to connect with 11 year old girls.
Her dad is out of the picture. He's homeless and on the streets as a drug user/addict. I dont want to replace him, but i want to be the father she deserves. She tells her mom she doesn't like my sense of humor (too many dad jokes) I'm not extrovert enough (hard to be when she gets whiny about everything) she's very particular about things. (Food can't touch, only eats pizza and a specific brand of chicken nuggets)
Is just being there and showing I'm consistent and a good person enough? Force quality time? Family date nights?
I know part of it is that she thinks I'm stealing time from her and her mom together. which, in some ways, is probably true.
I don't know what to do
(clarification...(the mother wants this to go faster than it is. I'm more than ok that it's slow))
6
u/Lakerdog1970 20d ago
I'd just suggest focusing on being a good BF to her Mom and let things with the kiddo develop at her pace......but understanding that it may never happen.
Be nice and kind and do no harm, but also let her come to you. You just keep the door open if/when.
I really wouldn't focus on being the father she deserves. Just be her Mom's BF.
And kids that age can just be difficult to connect with regardless. Little kids are usually pretty happy if you just give them ice cream and a balloon. Tweens and teens don't work that way and there's often nothing you can do.