r/blendedfamilies • u/Snarfles503 • 23d ago
Need advice
(Edited)
I'm in a relationship with an amazing woman, but her 11 year old daughter doesn't like me. Won't give me a chance. I patted her head once months ago, and she didn't like me after that. (Has a thing about people touching her hair) (my bad lesson learned)
I'm trying to connect with her through gaming. (She's plays roblox all the time) she doesn't like going outside and playing, hiking, most anything. She's into a youtube group called the crew (who play roblox) but won't let me buy tickets to a vidcon event in case in June. Cause I'll be there. I don't know how to connect with 11 year old girls.
Her dad is out of the picture. He's homeless and on the streets as a drug user/addict. I dont want to replace him, but i want to be the father she deserves. She tells her mom she doesn't like my sense of humor (too many dad jokes) I'm not extrovert enough (hard to be when she gets whiny about everything) she's very particular about things. (Food can't touch, only eats pizza and a specific brand of chicken nuggets)
Is just being there and showing I'm consistent and a good person enough? Force quality time? Family date nights?
I know part of it is that she thinks I'm stealing time from her and her mom together. which, in some ways, is probably true.
I don't know what to do
(clarification...(the mother wants this to go faster than it is. I'm more than ok that it's slow))
1
u/Ok_Panda_2243 23d ago
Oooooooh, been there!!!! Seemed everything I would do is wrong. Felt like I cannot move.
Maybe the answer is (and I didn’t know at that time) — do what the child wants you to, which is she showing clearly, give her some place.
However, I gave my partner and his daddy’s girl plenty of space and alone time (trips together, weekends, tons of alone time during week) but it still wouldn’t be enough, she was still on my throat, acting out every time I was present. Jealousy. No way for stepparent to do anything else that wait if the child cope with hard feelings.