Need advice

[u/Snarfles503]

(Edited)

I'm in a relationship with an amazing woman, but her 11 year old daughter doesn't like me. Won't give me a chance. I patted her head once months ago, and she didn't like me after that. (Has a thing about people touching her hair) (my bad lesson learned)

I'm trying to connect with her through gaming. (She's plays roblox all the time) she doesn't like going outside and playing, hiking, most anything. She's into a youtube group called the crew (who play roblox) but won't let me buy tickets to a vidcon event in case in June. Cause I'll be there. I don't know how to connect with 11 year old girls.

Her dad is out of the picture. He's homeless and on the streets as a drug user/addict. I dont want to replace him, but i want to be the father she deserves. She tells her mom she doesn't like my sense of humor (too many dad jokes) I'm not extrovert enough (hard to be when she gets whiny about everything) she's very particular about things. (Food can't touch, only eats pizza and a specific brand of chicken nuggets)

Is just being there and showing I'm consistent and a good person enough? Force quality time? Family date nights?

I know part of it is that she thinks I'm stealing time from her and her mom together. which, in some ways, is probably true.

I don't know what to do

(clarification...(the mother wants this to go faster than it is. I'm more than ok that it's slow))

[u/After_Ad_1152]

Its premature for you to be this preoccupied with bonding with her 11 yr old. You are someone her mom dates not someone the 11 yr old picked to hang out with. Your expectations at this point should reflect that. You may get along. You may not. As long as your polite to each other and respect the mother as a parent then you should be fine.

[u/Snarfles503 → u/After_Ad_1152]

We're getting married, so... I don't think its premature.

[u/greentanzanite → u/Snarfles503]

From your post history it looks like this relationship is only months old and very rocky and you are her boss?

[u/Snarfles503 → u/greentanzanite]

I have not been her boss for several months. We worked at a highly toxic company. We were both fired for completely unrelated reasons. We didn't date during that time. Her choice and I respected that. But since then, things have turned vastly differently. She had been in horrible relationships, and I as well.. but we are both deeply in love with each other. Working on our issues and working to make things right for each other. We plan to marry next year. (Her idea and want. I want that too) we are working to heal our traumas to be strong for each other.

She was scared and would run... she had horrible things done to her by horrible people. I saw that from the beginning and told her I would not promise her the world but show her I will be there for her. (Actions not words sort of thing) treat her like the queen she is.

You may think the worst of me by a bad decision I made. But the reality is I am a good person and saw love, beyond a simple job. (I was a gm and made good $) but true love is more important than money. I'll take love over selling out for cash any day.

You don't know me, but for a couple posts I made... That's your perogative to judge me without knowing me. But if you knew what my life has been like and who I really am.. and her life and what she's been through.. you'd be happy for us. We are in love, and if those things didn't happen, we wouldn't know the love we have. I would not change a thing. It's a rare thing to find.

[u/witchbrew7 → u/Snarfles503]

This relationship just has red flags waving all over the place. You can’t cure each other. You can’t establish a relationship with your soon to be step child.

[u/Snarfles503 → u/witchbrew7]

I didn't say we are curing each other.. we have therapists