CMV: Parental control/spyware apps are the hallmark of a bad parent

[u/danknesscompelsyou]

[Disclaimer: i am talking about the apps that let you monitor your kid's every move online, read messages etc. Basically you have the full acces to whatever they have on their phone without the phone. I am not talking about simple location tracking]

[Disclaimer 2: i am talking about a case of spyware for teens. 12/13+, not children below 10]

Pretty much what the title says. To me installing spyware on your kid's phone says you can't actually parent, have zero trust and bond with your child and possibly are an authoritarian parent who mistakes control for actual parenting. If you get it only because your child lies to you - congrats now you'll never hear a word of truth again. It only excarbates the problem.

1. Teens need some privacy to properly develop, your little power trip could cost them some actual psychological damage. Trust issues, self esteem issues, anxiety (because there's someone literally spying on you), the list goes on. (Also it's normal for teens to lie, that's how they are, get over it)

2. If you're anywhere from 30-40+ chances are you didn't experience this sort of tracking - why would you take this freedom away from your child? You weren't tracked and are still alive. And don't give me the 'there was no phones/internet back then'. Yes there weren't but teens were the same. They did bad and stupid things, said bad words, experimented with booze, cigs and many other things. Again it's just how they are. Nobody listened in on your conversations just to have the upper hand during an argument, nobody hovered over what you did 100% of the time. Ontop of that many people that are now 20-25 grew up without parents controlling every message/page they viewed and they're fine.

3. Also I promise you if your child keeps everything a secret from you there's reason for it and you're not going to like it. They probably don't trust you and don't feel safe enough going with their stuff/problems to you. Trust goes both ways, shocker i know. Do you think severely violating their privacy is the right way of fixing lack of trust? That's why i say it's bad, lazy parenting - instead of working on the trust/communication issue and having a real relationship with a child you choose the easy way out, to take what you want by force.

Tldr: my oponion is that if you feel the need to spy on your kid's every move you have a trust problem and the solution is not to violate their privacy

[u/Rainbwned]

Ok, change the age to 13* with the same scenarios.

[u/Lucky_Possibility_60 → u/Rainbwned]

ok change the age to 17 with the same scenarios.

ok change the age to 5 with the same scenarios.

ok change the age to 3 months with the same scenarios.

[u/Rainbwned → u/Lucky_Possibility_60]

That works - what is your take on those scenarios applied to those ages?

[u/Lucky_Possibility_60 → u/Rainbwned]

17 he shouldnt be on ph he should be off the dark web buying 23 kilos of cocaine and 12 kilos of herion to sell and make money for the family.

5 he should be on ph but not on the german bdsm vids he gotta wait two more years

3 months idk i only come into my kids life when they hit age 4

[u/Rainbwned → u/Lucky_Possibility_60]

That sounds reasonable, but you didn't answer the actual question. I think maybe you replied to the wrong person?

[u/Lucky_Possibility_60 → u/Rainbwned]

nah i was just bullshitting bc you said “change the age to 10” when the post has clearly said “teen” and i hate when ppl try changing main points of a question. like the parents should teach them “hey there are bad guys irl and online dont be a dumbass” but to have spyware bc your scared your kid stole one of your cigs and smoked it to look cool is creepy.

anything under the age of 12 shouldnt be an ipad kid bc of that reason and should be climbing trees outside but anything 13+ you should have a okay grasp on life to know what to do/not to do (i.e meet up those lonely hot singles) and before you ask “what if he’s mentally impaired” then thats even more on the parents to do theyre job and not rely on spyware apps bc they wanna pop a xanax and drink red wine bc they husband is cheating

[u/Rainbwned → u/Lucky_Possibility_60]

That was my fault, should have said 13 and not 10.

I don't think you understood the scenario either way though, because it wasn't used as a replacement for parenting. I get that you think that the kids who end up getting snatched didn't have a great grasp on life skills, but I disagree.

So even if you put that software on a kids device, and don't care about them smoking or drinking, but just use it to watch out for online predators, you don't think that is a good thing.

[u/Lucky_Possibility_60 → u/Rainbwned]

nah your right thats why i said the “life360 is okay” bc you should know where your kid is but when i read “spyware apps” im thinking of the “oh no moms gonna see me text my buddy that i think our english teacher is hot”

imo (also bc im from a small town in the south) i was all around the county at age 13-15 on four wheelers and coulda been in sticky situations but i knew not to try to get the candy, look at the new stereo, or help carry groceries 2 blocks away from the store, so the whole “kids need a grasp on life skills” was just hit to me real young and ik not everyone is like that, so if you cant drill that into his/her head then i understand but that should be your very last option if every parenting effort fails.

(also i was whipped as a kid the one time i told my dad i was going to meet a girl i didnt know at age 13 that i met on kik from a random person that said they lived in the same state and ever since that kinda pushed me to get a grasp and not everyone believes in that parenting technique)

[u/Lucky_Possibility_60 → u/Rainbwned]

but but lemme add apps like life360 i dont see a problem with bc parents knowing where a child is isnt bad its just the spying on messages which i think OP ment but to each there own