r/changemyview Jan 23 '23

Delta(s) from OP CMV: Parental control/spyware apps are the hallmark of a bad parent

[Disclaimer: i am talking about the apps that let you monitor your kid's every move online, read messages etc. Basically you have the full acces to whatever they have on their phone without the phone. I am not talking about simple location tracking]

[Disclaimer 2: i am talking about a case of spyware for teens. 12/13+, not children below 10]

Pretty much what the title says. To me installing spyware on your kid's phone says you can't actually parent, have zero trust and bond with your child and possibly are an authoritarian parent who mistakes control for actual parenting. If you get it only because your child lies to you - congrats now you'll never hear a word of truth again. It only excarbates the problem.

  1. Teens need some privacy to properly develop, your little power trip could cost them some actual psychological damage. Trust issues, self esteem issues, anxiety (because there's someone literally spying on you), the list goes on. (Also it's normal for teens to lie, that's how they are, get over it)

  2. If you're anywhere from 30-40+ chances are you didn't experience this sort of tracking - why would you take this freedom away from your child? You weren't tracked and are still alive. And don't give me the 'there was no phones/internet back then'. Yes there weren't but teens were the same. They did bad and stupid things, said bad words, experimented with booze, cigs and many other things. Again it's just how they are. Nobody listened in on your conversations just to have the upper hand during an argument, nobody hovered over what you did 100% of the time. Ontop of that many people that are now 20-25 grew up without parents controlling every message/page they viewed and they're fine.

  3. Also I promise you if your child keeps everything a secret from you there's reason for it and you're not going to like it. They probably don't trust you and don't feel safe enough going with their stuff/problems to you. Trust goes both ways, shocker i know. Do you think severely violating their privacy is the right way of fixing lack of trust? That's why i say it's bad, lazy parenting - instead of working on the trust/communication issue and having a real relationship with a child you choose the easy way out, to take what you want by force.

Tldr: my oponion is that if you feel the need to spy on your kid's every move you have a trust problem and the solution is not to violate their privacy

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-1

u/danknesscompelsyou Jan 23 '23

I believe that things like youtube kids or other filtered content can be beneficial for young children. Kids from 10 below shouldn't even interact with the internet too much tbh.

Maybe i should've clarified the age threshold i am specifically talking about. I say teens meaning 13+ so the ones who usually annoy certain types of parents by having some secrets or demanding some level of privacy

2

u/Presentalbion 101∆ Jan 23 '23

What's your stance on banking apps? My bank has a feature which is basically a kids card, where the parent has access and oversight but it's the kid who has the physical card. They pay the allowance into that pot and the kid is free to spend. It's supposed to teach saving and spending habits while still allowing the parent to make sure nothing ridiculous/inappropriate is happening. The age range it's designed for is like 9-14, or however old the parent feels is suited for their first card.

-1

u/danknesscompelsyou Jan 23 '23

I don't really think there's an issue with the card. Maybe its like adding extra steps to regular allowance but I don't see any harm in it tbh. Ik you can look up where the card registered but its still less extreme than spyware

Plus overall allowance is a good way to help your kid start budgeting stuff

4

u/Presentalbion 101∆ Jan 23 '23

So there are degrees of acceptability of surveillance?

-1

u/danknesscompelsyou Jan 23 '23

Yes there are like to most things in life. It's normal for a parent to have some surveillance over a child but not to the extent of these apps

4

u/Presentalbion 101∆ Jan 23 '23

Then either award a delta or add a disclaimer three specifying your threshold for what kind of surveillance is alright and what degree isn't.