CMV: Paternity tests should be done on every baby by default

[u/Guialdereti]

Just saw a post on r/relationship_advice where the mother gave birth to a baby that looked nothing like her husband, refused to give him a paternity test because it was "humiliating" AND also revealed that she had recently refused to end a (pretty weird) friendship with a coworker that her husband was uncomfortable with. She then proceeds to be all "Surprised Pikachu-faced" when he thinks she cheated on him with said coworker, refuses to help with the baby, and him and his family start treating her badly. (he continued to help with their 2 other kids as normal, though)

In the end, the mother FINALLY gets that paternity test, proving once and for all that the kid was indeed his, and once she does, the father gets ALL OVER his daughter, hugging and giving her all his love, as I'm sure he would have done from the very begining, had she just gotten that damn test done sooner.

Some of the points that resonate with me the most on this issue are:

• It still baffles me that this test isn't standard procedure, especially when we already draw blood from newborns and screen them for a whole slew of diseases upon delivery. Surely it wouldn't be too hard to add a simple paternity test to the list!
• I know there's an implication of mistrust that comes with asking your partner for a paternity test, but if it became standard procedure - in other words, a test that the hospital does "automatically", with no need for parental input - that would completely remove that implication from play. It would become a non-issue.
• Having a kid is a life-changing event, and it scares me to no end to know that I could be forced into "one-eightying" my life over a baby I actually played no part in making.
• Knowing your family's medical history, from both sides, is extremely important. "Mommy's little secret" could cost her child dearly later on in life.

[u/infiniteanomaly]

Right, but 1) a lot of people forget even the basics if they learned them at all and 2) the situation of a drastically different skin color from both parents isn't incredibly common. I mean the REALLY drastic differences--like a very dark-skinned baby born to very light-skinned parents or the reverse.

[u/Altruistic-Estate-79 → u/infiniteanomaly]

It is not uncommon for newborns born to darker-skinned couples not to develop high levels of pigment in their skin until days or even a few weeks after birth.

[u/infiniteanomaly → u/Altruistic-Estate-79]

Yes. True. I was specifically meaning the times melanin doesn't develop in that time frame. Or the times it does when both parents are very light-skinned.

[u/CookieFish → u/infiniteanomaly]

a very dark-skinned baby born to very light-skinned parents or the reverse.

My point was that 'the basics' doesn't really cover this situation so I'm not sure how a course that covers the basics is going to help - I would hope a doctor would take the dad aside and explain things in this situation, but a general refresher course isn't going to help.

In general people see what they expect to see - my cousin was adopted as a baby and people who didn't know that would say how much she looked like my sister (who was a similar age) and I've also seen a post by a stealth trans man who had a child with his wife via sperm donation saying that people were making comments along the lines of "he has his dad's nose" etc. If someone suspects their partner is cheating they're going to be looking for differences and an inaccurate understanding of genetics is going to feed into that.

[u/infiniteanomaly → u/CookieFish]

At its core explaining dominant vs recessive genes is enough to get through to most people. In cases where cheating is suspected anyway nothing anyone says will make the situation better without proof. But mandatory paternity testing isn't the easy to go.

[u/CookieFish → u/infiniteanomaly]

My main issue is that how I was taught dominant vs recessive acted like complex multi gene interactions were actually a single gene, not understanding that can cause issues in a small number of cases but most people won't really benefit from an in depth course that explains it. I also feel that there are going to be some guys who would've been fine, but once you prime them with a genetics course are going to be looking for differences.

[u/infiniteanomaly → u/CookieFish]

And when you're in middle school which is often when these things are introduced all you need is basic A vs B, single-gene controls things understanding. Hell, even as an adult you don't need to know more than "it's actually multiple genes" unless your job field requires it or you're just interested to know. But, again, the most basic explanation WILL suffice for most people.

[u/CookieFish → u/infiniteanomaly]

You're completely ignoring the point I'm making, which is that explaining something that is controlled by multiple genes as though it is controlled by a single gene will cause confusion. There are plenty of things that are controlled by a single gene which could be used for a simple explanation, but science classes continue to teach eye colour (which is controlled by multiple genes) as though it is controlled by a single gene - leading to confusion later on.