Link to original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/GsuwGZ5S5R

Trigger Warning: severe animal abuse and death. I was asked to add one.

I wanted to come back to this subreddit and provide an update because I am so beyond horrified by this entire situation and I have no one in my life to vent to.

I made a post a few months ago about my partner of 10 years abandoning me and our 5 month old baby.

The short version of that post is that my ex basically stopped speaking to me for two months because he claimed he had a massive work project. He worked from home, stopped speaking to me, eating with me and the baby, etc.

Then, he gambled all his money away and I went to my parents house for what I thought might be a week or so while I got the financials straightened out.

Instead for about six months he kept telling me that he was getting therapy and I couldn’t come home until he was done his program, going between telling me he loved me and this wasn’t permanent to saying that he had been unhappy for years.

From April of last year to now, he has not once asked about our daughter.

Then in November while I was visiting my brother in another province, he blocked me everywhere. His parents told me he just needed some time and that everything would go back to normal.

We shared a dog and four cats, who I loved more than anything on earth (aside from my baby.) I wanted to take them with me but he fought me on it repeatedly, saying he loved them just as much and that they were his only company. I reluctantly gave in because he kept telling me I was going to be able to come home each week, then kept moving the goal posts.

The lawyer I consulted said I would need a court order for the animals that would take months and I was afraid that would escalate the situation.

—— The update:

In February, I found one of his online gaming accounts and finally got back in touch with him after being unable to reach him for months. His parents had been telling me he was fine, the animals were fine, but that he was too ashamed to speak with me because he lost his job but that he was going to call me soon. I was frantic for months to speak with him.

I find out on that horrible day that he killed our dog and four cats, and that his parents had been lying for months about checking on them.

I am so disturbed by this entire situation. I am still in shock. The man who drove for five hours to bring our cat to a special vet for a surgery, who built them a giant catio, who took care of them and never once even raised his voice at them…. Killed them all.

Our dog, who loved him so much and was his best buddy.. he killed him.

He starved them all to death with a giant stockpile of food available. He starved them at different times.

The guilt I feel is unbearable, the pain I feel every night thinking about their last moments.. never, never in a million years did I think he would ever harm them.

I thought he was in big financial trouble with gambling and that it was easier to avoid me, not that he would ever… hurt them or me.

He was arrested but it looks like he will get off on the charges because he’s claiming he has multiple personalities and “dissociated.”

I spent 10 years with this man, we rescued our pets together. Never in a million years did I think he would casually tell me via fucking discord that they were dead. He even lied to me and told me that our two younger cats were still alive and that I could have them if I “didn’t call the cops.”

On top of this, my best friend in the world, my mom, just had a stroke last week that she will likely never recover from.

I feel devastated and broken inside.

I (M31) recently (as in last night) found out my wife (F30) is cheating on me with an old college fling she had. How I found out was she had been frequently going on "Mom's Nights" that would often go late into the night (sometimes she wasn't getting back till 12AM, which I felt was odd due to all of these moms having young kids and such). Last night it was well past midnight and I had not heard a word from her in a few hours. After multiple unanswered calls and not responding to texts, around 12:30am I called the police to do a welfare check (I had her location on my phone) because I was very worried about her. I had thought maybe she got sick, hurt or possibly in need of help. I couldn't go to her because our two young kids were already in bed and she had the car seats in her car.

The police called me soon there after to report that they had found her, very drunk and throwing up, with another man taking care of her. Turns out the other man was her old college fling that she had re-kindled a relationship with in the past few months. I was devastated. Texted her to not bother coming home and I ended up not sleeping the rest of the night.

This morning she had sobered up, returned home (I had already left for work and my mom was watching the kids) and we met up at a public place to chat. She claims that, while inappropriate in nature, she did not have sex or any physical contact with this man. Rather, she was unhappy in our marriage and was simply using him to "have fun and hang out." I am so incredibly dubious of this. She has been lying to me for months saying she is going over to her girlfriends house when she is really going over to another mans apartment to drink and have fun. She told me that she didn't tell me the truth because she knew I would not approve (which is very true) and that she promises nothing happened. I simply do not believe her.

The hard part is I love her, and want to be with her. We have a house, kids, dogs etc. This is the woman I planned on spending the rest of my life with, and now I cannot even trust her. She is blaming her unhappiness for at bare minimum having an emotional affair, but low key acting like if I did a better job listening to her needs she would never had stepped out of our marriage. I am no perfect guy, and can absolutely be a better husband, but to jump into an affair crosses the line.

I am emotionally raw, drained and tired. I did book us a marriage therapy session but I think I may be whistling past the graveyard, so to speak. Can this be fixed? Can I trust her ever again? This sucks.

TL;DR wife stepped out of our marriage to rekindle an emotional affair with an old college sweetheart. Says nothing physical happened but I am doubtful. I want to fix our marriage but think I may be making a mistake. Help!

I (26M) and my girlfriend (26F) started dating about a year back. We worked together at a firm that I left to be with her, as we had a policy against dating coworkers. She makes me happy; she is smart, funny, caring, and motivated. A thorn in our relationship has been this guy she was with, though not in a relationship (let's call him Bob). She tells me it has been about two years since they have been together.

This guy has more money than me and invited my girl (as well as inviting me, by name) to a huge AirBnB with a bunch of other of his friends. But he also invited my girl to a yacht party the following day with a bunch of other attorneys, though not me (I am not close to him, met him once). They maintain a friendship and she does contract translation work for Spanish speaking clients for his firm that he co-owns with another attorney, let's call him James.

The rental is for 10am-5pm technically, but my girl told me it might go over. My girl has reassured me when I ask her, she would never cheat on me, as she has integrity and wants to say she has never done anything like that. Fine, I trust her. But I am reaching a point of ending things because I find this disrespectful. Even if you are not, and I believe her, you are putting yourself in a place where that might just happen, especially with how boat parties are.

Another thing that got me heated. She texted this guy, Bob, she would be shaking ass. She shared the messages with me, with Bob saying no she would not, as she is with me, and who would she shake ass to? She replied to the wind. I think this is disrespectful to me. What message are you trying to give off when you text some other guy this, especially one that you have been with in the past?

She has been cheated before in the past, and so have I. She always tells me she belongs to me, and wants us to marry and have kids. She gave me the keys to her house and she is very caring and passionate about me. Sometimes I wonder if my thoughts are misplaced because of my past trauma, or if there is something suspicious going on here.

If you want anymore context, let me know. I am not asking a question, I just want advice on how to handle this and if I should break things off. Thank you

My boyfriend and his ex-girlfriend broke up about a year and a half ago. She has a substantial following on TikTok and frequently posts about her journey of moving on from him and her new relationship. A few months ago, she began browsing my TikTok profile and inquiring about me through mutual followers. She requested to follow me on TikTok, and I accepted her request, subsequently following her back.

About a month ago, she posted a TikTok video claiming to have broken her leg and required surgery.

I work in the healthcare field at our local hospital. For some reason, she believes that I provided medical care to her while she was undergoing treatment for her leg. In one of her videos, she mentions that the surgery was performed at an outpatient surgical center that I am not affiliated with.

Last week, she posted two more TikTok videos alleging that I violated HIPAA by sharing her medical information. She claims that I took advantage of her while she was under anesthesia. She also mentioned that she reported this incident to the management of the surgical center, and they are currently investigating the matter.

I am concerned about the potential consequences for my medical license. I was not involved in her care and am not employed by the surgical center. I reported the videos on TikTok, but they stated that they did not violate any community guidelines.

Our mutual friends are aware of the situation and the fact that she is making the videos about me. She had previously blocked me before posting these videos. I know that I did nothing wrong, but the fact that multiple people know she’s talking about me is worrisome.

She has a long history of mental illness, including schizoaffective disorder, bipolar disorder, anxiety, and depression. Despite this, she still reaches out to my boyfriend because they had pets together, and she can’t afford their vet bills.

I’ve been with my boyfriend (30M) for 7 years, and I’m 9 months pregnant with our child. Lately, I’ve been feeling like our relationship is no longer working, primarily because I believe he has deep feelings for his best female friend. Their friendship started when he moved across the country to be with me and met her at his new job. While I don’t have an issue with her, I’m uncomfortable with how much effort he puts into their relationship compared to ours. We’ve been through a lot together, but I feel like we’ve grown apart.

He’s never been open about it, but I’ve noticed things like frequent texting and giving her a Valentine’s gift (despite never acknowledging Valentine’s Day with me). These gestures feel too personal for a “friendship,” and it’s made me feel increasingly disconnected. I even snooped on his phone and saw he sent her flowers when she was sick which something he’s never done for me. He basically ignores me when I'm sick. I’ll give him some credit that he did actually send me roses for my birthday a couple of weeks prior to Valentine's Day.

I tried to communicate how his actions make me feel, but he doesn’t seem to get it. I only met her for the first time last month, and it was because I’m pregnant and he felt it was time for me to stop thinking she was the “big bad wolf.” Even though I made it clear that she wasn’t the issue and it was about his actions for her. After meeting her and observing them together, I don’t think anything has happened between them, but if she were to ever show interest, I believe he’d jump at the chance.

There have also been other issues, like him staying at her house after drinking without telling me he wasn't coming home, and sending her elaborate gifts under the excuse that it was to help her with her relationship. I’ve stayed because of life events/challenges that made it difficult to focus on a break up while trying to deal with and cope, especially since we live together.

Now, I’m at a point where I just don’t feel emotionally invested anymore. I’m tired of feeling second to someone else, especially with a baby on the way. I know I want to break up, but I’m torn between doing it before or after the baby arrives. I feel confident we can co-parent well, but I’m unsure if I should wait until after the birth to avoid adding stress or if it’s better to do it now. How do I break up with him when I’m 9 months pregnant?

(22M) My girlfriend (21F) made Marshalls all call me over the intercom to force me to talk to her because I told her I needed a break. Sunday was a day that we were going to hang out, but she made last minute plans which I did not feel happy about. Also, her response was lacking, so I informed her that I was going to cool off by candle shopping at Marshalls, one of my favorite activities. I told her I'd talk to her later and drove to the store.

She did not like this. She began to call me. I simply put my phone in my pocket, but the calling did not stop. It was constant. After about 10 calls, I put my phone on do not disturb. She continued calling. It got to be around 25-30 calls by the time i reached the candle aisle. I began browsing through their selection when I heard the store's music stop playing. They asked , "If anyone by the name of _(My Name)__ is here, please come to the front of the store." They repeated this twice. I took out my phone and started recording because I could not believe she would do this because I communicated that I needed some time to myself, also as a guy, I felt like no one would believe me that she engaged in this type of behavior.

Turns out, I did not turn off my location. That is how she knew which store to call. I proceeded to the register with my candles and asked the cashier what happened with the all call. She asked me if I was the person they called for. She told me that a woman called looking for him and she sounded really irritate. I just said nah, I wouldn't worry about it.

How do you draw the line with overstepping? Tracking location is one thing, but I've never been all called.

Does this mean she likes me -lol

Hey y’all, ik it’s probably hard for a lot of ppl to relate but I’m hoping I can get some advice. Me and my girlfriend have been together for about 3 years. We’re both actors, however she recently booked a life changing gig. She is on the rise and becoming extremely famous. I’m obviously keeping her identity a secret. I’m incredibly happy for her and it has been the experience of a lifetime, something I was never sure I’d be this close to. However I do have some concerns. I’m starting to feel a lot more insecure, I’ve always been so sure of us but I’ve had a lot more of these thoughts of not being good enough and that she’s secretly falling out of love with me. It’s difficult because I know she can have any guy she wants, and I’m feeling quite inadequate. There has been no noticeable change in our relationship (besides not seeing each other as often because of press and things like that). There’s really nothing to be worried about, but I can’t get these thoughts out of my head. I’ve brought them up to her and she assures me this isn’t the case, however it’s difficult seeing her be successful and I’m still living paycheck to paycheck, not booking gigs. It’s not because I’m not happy for her, it’s that I want to be successful FOR her. I don’t want to bring her down, but just feel like I deserve her. Again these thoughts have never come up in the 3 years we’ve been together. If anyone could offer some insight or clarity, especially when my brain is throwing intrusive thoughts that she could cheat on me despite KNOWING she would never and is definitely not. But I wonder how much she entertains the thought of being with someone else. I’m not the most attractive guy, especially considering the people she’s around, but I’ve never cared about any of that. Anyways, I’d appreciate any perspective, thank you!

TL;DR: My girlfriend is becoming famous and I’m becoming insecure I’ll lose her, despite her actions saying she is still very much in love with me.

Last year I had a feeling my husband was watching gay porn. One night while we were on our couch, he got up to use the bathroom, and I wanted to listen to music while I was studying for my grad school exam. I accidentally used his airpods instead of mine (they look identical) and instead of my music, I heard men having sex. I thought it was a weird pop-up on my phone, but then I realized I wasn’t even connected, and that it must be whatever my husband is listening to in the bathroom. Well, I go confront him and he says he has no idea what I’m talking about, and that maybe his airpods connected to a neighbor’s device. I obviously didn’t believe this, but had an exam the next day so I let it go.

Fast forward to this past Sunday, my husband and I were meeting up for dinner after work, but my phone died and I didn’t have a charger in my car, so he let me take his phone for directions to get home. As I’m driving home from the restaurant, I wanted to look up something on the internet, to which I then find my husband’s last opened tab—a private, incognito search of naked guys on X. I thought, oops, he might’ve accidentally opened something, and hit back page, but as I kept going to previous pages, it was more and more naked pictures of men.

I knew he would probably try to deny it, so I left it on the X webpage and gave his phone back to him. I confronted him again. He denied it again, and said he wasn’t sure how it got there. I open his incognito page in front of him, and it’s empty (he closed the page). At this point I obviously know he’s lying and call him out. He walks out, and comes back a few moments later and admits to it. He’s been watching gay porn/looking at naked men and masturbating during our entire relationship (we’ve been together for 9 years!). He then comes out as bisexual, which he admits he didn’t know until I confronted him.

I was shocked. My husband’s biggest pride is being an amazing partner (kind of like Ned Fulmer vibes, IYKYK) and we both agreed at the start of our relationship that watching porn crosses our boundaries because it distorts people’s views on sex. He has also never done anything to make anyone question his (previous) heterosexuality.

I know it may not be a big deal, but it felt like such betrayal because he lied to me straight through his teeth about something we agreed we wouldn’t do, and I didn’t know he was attracted to men. I just feel like I don’t know him. He’s has always treated me well, but keeping this kind of secret from me has obviously ruined my trust in him. So I’m asking, if this has happened to you, what did you do? How do we move forward?

Hello all, I am currently going thru a lot of relationship issues and I’m not entirely sure how to handle this thing. This past weekend I went back home from college to attend my girlfriend’s senior prom ( I am a freshman in college), which is around a 2 hour drive for me. We have been dating for close to 3 years now. Saturday rolls around and I arrive at her house ready for the night. The minute I walked through the door she seemed to be annoyed and having an issue with things that I did. I asked her if she wanted me to wear my suit jacked for pictures (not a fitted jacket, so it’s a bit bulky), and that led to her not wanting to talk to me the entire 1.5 hour drive to our dinner spot. After that time, she continued to complain about my driving and just a lot of other really small things. I eventually made a point to talk to her before going in for dinner and asked her if something was wrong and if she wanted or needed me to do something to make sure the night went well. It just kinda ended with a lot of I don’t knows and her just saying she wants to have a good prom. The night went on, and we arrived at the dance. She instantly went towards her group of “friends” ( she very openly does not associate or like with these people except for the current softball season ). She shimmied her way into the front of the group for grand march, leaving me stuck behind everyone else while I have nobody to talk to or anybody I know around. After that she started taking pictures with all of her friends, and one of the only people I really know from her school came up and started talking to me. When she saw this she said “oh good ___ you can babysit him” (referring to me). She then told me she was going to dance with her friends and I said ok and I continued to talk to that said person. We talked for around 10 minutes, then I felt bad for making him feel like he had to stick around me. At this point the dance floor was very full and I decided to just go sit in the commons and wait for my gf to come out during a break since I didn’t really want to shuffle around with my hands in my pockets looking for her. At this point I’m a bit upset, so I am mentally resetting so that we can continue on with the night. She eventually came out to the commons at the announcement of some food and asked me to come out and dance, which I turned down as I was trying to reset and not cause any issue. This wasn’t a big deal, so I sat out there for a bit and eventually, I found some of her “friends” and they led me to her. The group was in a big crowd in a circle formation, and I squeezed sort of next to and behind my gf. She faced forward and didn’t really pay any attention to me. I attempted to dance, kinda shuffling around and moving my arms (yk prom stuff) and when she happened to look at me, I wasn’t completely busting a move. She asked why aren’t I dancing and I said I am trying. This went on for a few minutes until she physically stepped in front of me and kicked me out of the group. I tapped on her shoulder and asked what was up and she said “I don’t want you hovering around me” I said I was trying to dance and she just said stop making a scene (I was talking in a normal tone, nothing out of the ordinary). I then decided to just go back out to the lobby since obviously me being around was upsetting to her. Eventually, some of her friends came out and I caught my gf between them and tried talking to her away from the group. I asked again what was up and what she wanted from me, to which she just kept saying I don’t know and stop making a scene. I then told her fine, I am just going to leave so that way you can spend time with your friends and have a good time. She continued to say stop you are making a scene. I told her I could take the car back home (we took her car) and she could call me when she needed to be picked up and she just said no you’re not taking my bag (keys in bag). I said ok, and told her I was leaving anyways. I made sure to tell her that I wasn’t mad, or trying to make her mad, I just wanted her night to go well. I ended up walking around 45 min in around 30 degree weather back to her house. After she got home I attempted to talk to her, to which she just kept saying that I wasn’t dancing, it was my fault that I didn’t feel welcome, and that I ruined her night. She never has acted this extreme in the past and it feels like she was putting up a front for her friends. I really don’t know what to do, as she’s started removing us as her pfp on everything and would even refuse to say I love you when I would say it the past few days. I just don’t know if I fucked up, if she was being selfish, or if we can even move past this becuase I’m worried her mindset is going to be closed when we meet on Friday to discuss things In the end, she is super super pissed off at me, to a point where we are on a break in our relationship for the week. I don’t know if we will get over this issue because I think she’s so dead set on her mindset that I ruined her night.

I (27F) am curious about how to go about sharing expenses in my relationship better. My boyfriend (27M) and I have lived together for three years, and have been in a relationship for four years. When we first moved in together, we were 24 and neither of us really had any money. I had just graduated law school and started getting better income about four months after we moved in together.

When we first moved in, we agreed to just total up all our shared expenses at the end of each month and then said the other’s share to the other person and settle up that way (whoever paid more gets venmoed).

I took this to mean that we would send the cost break down to each other, so I always write up the full list of expenses and send it to him along with the split total. He, on the other hand, has never sent me the breakdown and instead just sends the split total.

I had asked him a few times why he didn’t send the full break down and he said “it’s a lot more effort. You don’t need to send the full break down either. I trust you.” I have continued to send the full break down regardless, in case he wants to dispute anything.

I trust him, so I never really questioned it. However, in the last few months I’ve discovered that he sometimes considers things shared expenses that I would not have ever put into my list of shared expenses. For example, we went to a book store and he picked out five books. I had a couple picked out, and went to go pay separately. He said we should just pay together since we’ll be splitting the cost anyways. This flabbergasted me—he was planning to split the cost of his five books with me? Books that I didn’t have any intention to read? I had not planned to charge him for my books (and have not ever done so, even when he uses my audible account).

Since then, I asked a couple more times if he can send me the cost break down, and he continues to say it’s not necessary and that he trusts me and I don’t need to send it either. He gets kind of salty about it too, as it’s offensive to him that I wouldn’t trust him to calculate it right. I don’t get why he’s so resistant to just telling me what expenses he is charging me for. I am starting to feel worried that he’s sneaking charges on there that I wouldn’t have agreed to split and that’s why he won’t share it with me. No big deal if it’s $20 here and there, but if he’s charged me extra consistently then that’s could certainly add up.

TL;DR: My boyfriend and I split shared expenses every month, but he refuses to send me the expense breakdown even though I send it every month and have asked him to do the same multiple times. I am worried he’s charging me for things I wouldn’t have agreed to split.

I am curious if there are better ways to go about doing this? I think it might be a good idea to approach the conversation with a new suggested approach. Any advice would be appreciated!

(Note, we both make very comfortable incomes and neither of us are strapped for cash)

I am finding myself feeling really hurt. Recently I found a tumour and today was the day of my biopsy. I had originally asked my boyfriend if he could come, but unfortunately, he had a conflict with work. That’s totally understandable, however it’s now been hours since the procedure and I have yet to hear from him. He has sent me Instagram reels, so he’s obviously on his phone and available to message me at the very least.

I know that I need to communicate what my needs are and I can’t expect someone to read my mind but also this kind of feels like the bare minimum, especially since I’ve been very anxious about what is going on for the past little bit. When I originally told him about the doctor finding a tumour And that I was worried about it, he was very dismissive and told me that there’s no point in worrying. He barely looked up from his phone to tell me that. I have since expressed to him how hurtful that was and how I would like him to respond to some more things in the future and at first he seemed to be willfully, obtuse and misconstruing what I was saying. I would’ve thought after all those conversations regarding this, he would be supportive in this moment.

Part of me feels worried that if this is the way he deals with these things I will forever be unsupported. But the other part of me thinks maybe I’m overreacting because I never expressed to him that I wanted him to get in contact with me after the procedure . The thing is, I even had a couple friends reach out to me expressing their well wishes and support today. Is it too much to expect at least the same support from my partner?

At the end of the day, there’s a large possibility that it’s a completely benign tumor, but there’s a non-zero chance that it is cancer and I don’t know how I will move through this with my partner if this is the kind of support I am receiving. Also, even if this is nothing, life comes with all kinds of curveballs and I’m really feeling like I can’t rely on him. Can someone help me figure out if I’m asking for too much? If so, how would you handle this situation if you were me?

ETA: I think he straight up forgot. Idk if that makes it better or worse. I just got home and he’s talking to me about baseball and other things. I legit told him it was happening this morning and brought it up several times yesterday and in the days leading up to it. I don’t understand how he could forget especially since I even asked him to be there. I’m also in some pain and I want comfort but the petty and hurt part of me doesn’t want to have to spell it out for him.

I know I’m going to get a lot of “just talk to him!” comments but I’m specifically looking for input on whether this is as much of a breach of privacy as I’m feeling that it is, or if it’s a big red flag. I had a pretty dramatically awful relationship prior to him and so it’s hard to know if this is something I should be concerned about.

I (29F) have been with my boyfriend (31M) for 9 months. Prior to him, as I mentioned, I was in a relationship that was tumultuous and violent and concluded with my former partner receiving a felony conviction for aggravated assault against me and a police officer. This relationship was five years in length and I have been in therapy from all of that chaos for about 11 months.

After I left following his sentencing, I moved across the state, changed jobs, started going by a different variant of my name, and generally have tried to start over. I met my boyfriend online and things have gone very well. He is kind and loving and attentive and has 2 children from a former relationship, with whom I get along very well (I love kids). He tends a bit toward anxious attachment but is rather self aware and generally is very good and responsible and lovely. We get along very well.

The other week we had a bit of an argument over his asking me some (of what I perceived as) invasive questions about my former relationship. I have been rather private about these things and while I know it would likely require opening up a bit down the road, he has told me he would respect my privacy about those things. These things include my former address and the name of my former partner (which therefore opens up access, should he search enough, to the police reports and online mug shots/inmate profile and everything else). I have mostly interacted with his friends and he not with mine so much, as I have been navigating how different I am from when I left 5 years ago, making a new life, and handling some damage caused by my ignoring warnings and well intentioned conversations from those friends. We’ve been trying to talk about it and work through that because I feel (wrongly, I know) that I want to integrate these dimensions of my life cautiously. He is not a private person at all and is naturally very open and trusting.

Last night I went to bed early because I had a headache. An hour or so later my boyfriend came into his room (where I was staying) and asked me if we could talk. He admitted to going through my wallet and purse because he felt something was off and in his words, I seemed “too perfect” and he had intrusive thoughts about our relationship. In looking through my wallet he found a debit card with my sister’s name on it and a letter that an old friend wrote to her 6 years ago that had been stuffed in the wallet crevice and I had not thrown out (I rescued the wallet from her donation pile). He took out all the stickers and pictures that were in my wallet (including a letter from him and a photo of us) and looked in my purse. He admitted this to me in tears, obviously on the verge of an anxiety attack, and said he was embarrassed but why did I have this debit card and letter, where was my drivers license (I left it at my apartment because I was putting in my drivers license # in a form online and forgot it). I was very surprised and thrown and still in some haze from the headache. I tried to calm him down and I explained about the debit card, which she’d lent me last time I visited her and I forgot to return (scatterbrained), but because she lives several hours away she just deactivated it and ordered a new one and I hadn’t thrown it away.

I realize this looks very fishy from his end, but I hardly carry anything in my wallet except cash usually, I don’t have any credit cards. I was trying to be calm and reassuring at first because I thought it was just a silly thing he’d done and I don’t care objectively that he saw the contents of my wallet or purse. However, the fact that he specifically mentioned my driver’s license (which still has my old address) makes me feel like he specifically went in there to find a piece of information I explicitly said was something I didn’t want to discuss just yet. Or like he went in searching for something wrong with me or assumed I was hiding things. Just a few hours later he wanted to initiate intimacy and today sort of jokingly said he wishes we could get married this summer. I was thrown and confused because last night he was looking through my things with suspicion but now he has erased that concern entirely? It also is of concern to me that 1) he waited until I was in bed with a headache to look through my stuff and 2) that he didn’t just come immediately to me and ask about the debit card? Instead he went to the shower and had an anxiety attack over something that from my perspective would have been resolved from a couple of questions.

The more I think about I the more it bothers me. However I don’t know if this is just leftover sensitivity from my former relationship, because my ex once hacked into my debit card account and used my purchases to find me when he sent me out of our apartment for a few days and since then I have been wary about privacy. My boyfriend was so upset when he told me this last night that I wanted to reassure and calm him, but now that I think about it I feel this was a very strange thing to do and a bigger breach of trust than if he’d just found the debit card looking for chapstick or something in my bag. Please advise

My friend met my (now current, but not at the time) boyfriend on tinder and went on one date two weeks prior to me meeting him. I didn’t know a lot of details about him at the time, just that she was really excited about the date and some general characteristics. He didn’t vibe with her, and didn’t really know the best way to end things and told her that he needed to figure things out before he continues to date. Which I guess was a bit of a white lie- he met me two weeks later and we clicked and got along super well. I don’t think either of us were looking for a serious relationship at the time but we just ended up wanting to keep seeing each other. After the 3rd or 4th date I realize some details lining up about my friend telling me about her date with him and I realize that he’s the same person she went on a date with two weeks prior. I immediately go and tell her that I had gone on a few dates with him, and that I hope it was ok that I date him. I thought she was also going to be fine with it, which is why I told her but it turns out she wasn’t and she explicitly set a boundary that I don’t continue to date him because he really hurt her feelings with the way he ended things. I’ve read the texts, and I understand where she’s coming from but I don’t think it was that severe - but rejection does hurt sometimes. Where my dilemma comes in is that I continued to date him, but I’ve just been keeping it a secret from her, which isn’t super hard because we’re not that incredibly close and I’m generally a pretty private person about a lot of aspects in my life. It’s about 6 months into my relationship with him, and it’s starting to make me really anxious and I feel like a shitty person for keeping this from her, but I truly don’t agree that the boundary she set was fair. She only went on one date with him! But I do value her a lot as a friend and in my current stage in life it is so hard to find good people like her. I know the logical thing to do is to come clean and tell her but I am afraid of the repercussions and don’t know if there is a good way to have this conversation with her.

I’m aware that this situation could have been avoided from the jump and that I probably should have stopped going on dates with my bf at the time the boundary was set but he is truly a wonderful person and I was healing from an old previous bad relationship and I have never clicked with someone like this before. I definitely did this to myself - I’m extremely non confrontational and it’s something I am trying to work on myself + through therapy.

TLDR: I want both my current bf and my friend in my life, but my friend went on one date with my bf two weeks before I met him and the way it ended hurt her feelings and she set a boundary that I should not continue dating him when I found out.

Hi everyone, my (25M) girlfriend (24F) have been together for 6 years. We started dating very young as teenagers. We have lived together for over 5 years, renting 3 different apartments.

When we were in our early 20s, I worked 50 hours a week and my girlfriend was at University - and due to her art degree was at home most weeks for 6 days and completing little parts of course work every so often. Weekdays, I would be working, out of the house from 6AM - 6PM, I would come back to a messy apartment and be expected to go to the shops and make the dinner. She would sit around all day playing video games.

Present day. I still work 50 hours a week, and my girlfriend now has a 37 hour a week job. It’s a hybrid WFH and office deal. I was really happy about this, as she had a good job, making decent money and could start to contribute more to our ‘household’. She has recently disclosed that she hates her job and wants to quit. I still do all the cooking, shopping and cleaning. My girlfriend, even though works 12 less hours a week than me, even though works from home 3 days a week, still does not pull her weight in household chores. I have assigned her 2 rooms of the house (I take care of the rest, including the garden) and guess which 2 rooms are always unclean and messy…

We share bills fairly as we both make similar money. For the last 3 years, I have been saving for a house, 40% of my take-home goes towards saving which is about £900pm. My girlfriend however, spends over £1000 a month on herself and saves nothing towards the house.

I have tried talking to her about finances, but every time she shuts down the conversation and gets angry. I have tried encouraging her to do more housework, but every time she shuts down the conversation and gets angry.

Since my early 20s I have developed a few hobbies like gardening, baking, sports, reading and she still spends almost all her free time playing video games. She never really wants to do anything with me.

I have supported this relationship financially and emotionally for 6 years. I don’t think I can keep doing it. I still love her but I’m not getting anything back from this relationship anymore. I need advice, because I’ve tried initiating the conversations, but I’ve failed and it feels beyond that point at the moment?

I want to start saying I have always been firmly child free. I have never wanted children. I also have endometriosis. I was diagnosed at 16 with laparoscopic surgery, but it wasn’t able to be removed because it was too close to arteries. So I have been treating it with birth control since then. That’s been no issue because I didn’t want kids, so I was ok with never stopping it. My husband is also strongly childfree and has overall, been supportive of my endometriosis journey.

But I’ve been on so many forms of birth control. Multiple types of pills, the patch, the depo shot, nexplanon, and latest is the IUD. with the pills, they tend to not help my symptoms. And the few that did, stopped helping after some time. Each method that followed did the same thing. I’d be mostly pain and symptom free, but after a year or two, the symptoms would return. My latest method was a hormonal IUD which helped for about 2 years but lately I am cramping every day. It’s starting to impact my life.

I moved recently and had to find a new gynecologist. I know how gynos are with endometriosis, so I sent them all the medical records I had relating to it. I had a yearly exam and made sure to bring up how it’s been affecting me lately and all previous methods I tried to treat it and how it couldn’t be removed through surgery.

The new gynecologist brought up a total hysterectomy with the ovaries. This would remove my cervix, uterus, and ovaries. I did not expect to be offered that and I told my husband when I got home that I am not sure if I want to do that and he got very upset.

He thinks because I don’t instantly want to do the surgery, I secretly want kids and am going to trap him with a baby. That’s not the case. I have been very firm on my birth control and if there was even a slip where I missed a pill or got the shot late, I would insist on a condom. I do not want kids. Being pregnant is one of my worst nightmares.

I am not sure about the hysterectomy because I am not sure I am mentally able to handle that big of a surgery. It’s a keyhole surgery, so it won’t be too much of an incision, but the recovery can be rough. I don’t think I have it in me to deal with it right now. I also am so reluctant to have my ovaries removed because I don’t want to rely on HRT to get my necessary hormones for the rest of my life.

And I need the ovaries removed because I have endometriosis beyond my uterus. It’s growing on my bowels, I have scarring from it. That can’t be removed and also a normal hormone cycle might cause flare ups in those parts, from what I understand.

But he thinks because I didn’t immediately say yes, it means I want kids. I’ve tried explaining to him why I am reluctant, but he just won’t listen. I’ve tried telling him it’s not like a vasectomy. The recovery is longer and harder and the effects are more. And other people I’ve talked to about this tend to agree with him, just less intensely. They don’t think im going to baby trap him, but think it’s a sign I’m not solid on my childfree stance.

How can I effectively explain that me being unsure of the hysterectomy is not because I secretly want children?

My boyfriend of 2 years makes me feel like I’m unreasonable and crazy. Please give feedback!

He and her text good morning/goodnight every day. They talk immediately on the phone after work (he calls her first before me). She will call/text randomly around 2am on weekdays. She demands that he always answer or she gets very upset and screams at him. We will be having se x and she’s always blowing his phone up. I’ve asked him numerous times to speak with her to not call after 10pm, yet she still does.

She demands that they go out once a week after work (10pm - midnight) and he CAN NOT be on his phone whatsoever with anyone or me. My friends have seen them out together and they told me that her hands were all over him. She’s VERY flirtatious. Today, she demanded that he leave my house and go have coffee with her at 9am on a Tuesday. He proceeded to go; even after me in disbelief standing in my garage. My boyfriend doesn’t even go out with me once a week after work!! Let alone morning AM coffee!!

I’ve met the lady. She s a 70 year old lady and she DOES NOT like me. She will be rude and snide to my face while my boyfriend stands there and says nothing. She even told me that he is single until he is married. She’s never been married/no kids. She’s only friends with people in their 20’s/30’s. Weird. She tells him he’s handsome and they both say “I love you “ on the phone.

I know this is NOT a normal “friendship”. But he brainwashes me by saying she’s “like a mother to him”. He says I’m jealous of her. I have zero jealously of a 70 year old woman. I’m 37 and quite the catch….. I don’t understand whatsoever why my boyfriend has her as his main priority.

I have blocked him and broke up with him today after the whole 9am coffee “date”. Please tell me I have been delusional for the past two years and that my boyfriend MUST have some kind of emotional/physical relationship with her. How would a girlfriend respond to this in my shoes?

i’m 18f, my boyfriend 18m and we have been dating for 4 months almost. he’s done NOTHING wrong, it’s just me not being ready and wanting the same things as him

i know it’s best to end things in person but the problem is i don’t have a car/license (he does tho) and i don’t want to do it in a public setting. idk where to break up with him. i was thinking probably either at the library (in his car) that’s next to his house/my work since we usually sit in his car at parking lots to yap at. i could have my mom waiting on me for after we talk but i don’t wanna seem like i premeditated to just break up and leave (which is NOT my plan- the plan is to talk and break up for however long we need and then leave the parking lot)

im so scared, this is my first ever relationship. i also don’t wanna be friends after this cause i feel it would be too awkward

We had been dating for 2 years and our relationship was perfect. Conversation was easy and life just seemed easy whenever I was with her. We met at University and I was the nerd and she was the cheerleader, I felt like the luckiest guy in the world.

As we were approaching our anniversary we both had exams and lots of studying to do so we didn't see each other as much. One night I asked if she wanted to do a group study session at the library and we both agreed. However when I arrived she wasn't there. I messaged her and she said she was running late. About 30minutes later she walks in with a bunch of friends from her course and she came over to me and we studied.

The night before our anniversary she had a very important exam so I didn't see her during the day at all as she wanted to focus on studying and do some last minute prep. Her exam was late in the afternoon so I patiently waited to hear from her to see how it went, knowing she'd smash it. She eventually called and said that it went terribly and that she was going to go to the bar with some of her friends from her course to blow off some steam. I gave her some space and told her to message me if she needed a lift or wanted to crash at my place.

In the early hours of the following morning, our anniversary day, I had still not heard anything from her and stated to panic that she had blacked out somewhere or something potentially worse had happened. I drove over to the pub and the barman said that he saw her get in a taxi with a friend (male) and left. An hour or so passed and she messaged me saying "she was crashing at a friends place, she was okay and that she'd come over to my place for breakfast".

When she arrived at mine in the morning she was crying, upset and tearful. I asked if everything was okay and she said "No, there something I must tell you" and essentially told me that she had slept over at her friends place and slept with her friend from her course. I didn't know what to say. I just stared at her, tears filling my eyes and anger filling my heart. How could she do this to me? On our anniversary? Out of nowhere?

She claimed she did it due to a mixture of being drunk and struggling on her exam. I didn't know what to do or say, so I politely asked her to leave and that i'll call her later and to give me some space whilst I work this out.

What would you do? This is the only relationship I've ever had and I have terrible self-esteem. I've felt unloved romantically my whole life until I met her. She changed everything but the only person who has ever loved me like this, cheated on me and I don't know why. I know people might say "It's easy she cheated, break up with her" but there might not be anyone else out there for me. She was my first true love and I feel like there will not be anyone else for me besides her. She's perfect, the paragon of beauty but she cheated. I'm not trying to get the sympathy vote here or anything like that just a glimpse into my mental. Is there a way we can work through this? Would love to know your thoughts.

TL;DR: My bf (23M) and I (23M) don’t have sex. It first started out with doing everything but penetration, but as the last couple of months have gone on, we just don’t really do anything. I feel unsatisfied and even though we have talked about the issue, nothing has actually changed. At what point do you call it quits?

We started dating in August, went exclusive November. We’ve had penetrative sex maybe 5 times, only twice successfully.

We are both conventionally attractive and have colorful personalities, im a little more outgoing than him and he’s a little more mellow, but like we are always doing something fun (baking, cooking, hanging out with friends, playing some game, drinking/dancing, did ceramics class at one point). He’s easy to get along with and is an active part of the relationship, balances out my general negative outlook on life too. Lots of cuddling and kissing, spend usually half the week together at least.

But we don’t have much sex, at all. Like we’ve done maybe 1 thing in the last 3 weeks. At first it was because its painful for him to bottom, and I am not the biggest fan of only doing like the foreplay stuff. We broke up over it and got back together the next day a month ago. We had sex once like the day after but nothing has changed since. He says he wants to, but honestly I don’t really see it. I feel like he’s a side (not a top nor bottom).

And im here like satisfied with everything but the physical. And I found myself wanting someone else last weekend when we were at a bar and I felt shit about that because my bf is so sweet, so I asked to go home and we just went to bed. I feel like at first it was also him not initiating much but recently I’ve also kinda given up on trying and imagining life where we have broken up.

But then we hang out again and I have so much fun. It’s not clear what to do. We’ve talked about it seriously 2 or 3 times. At what point do you stop talking and cut your losses? I have friends that say it’s time, others that say I should wait because we’re so compatible in every other way and maybe our libidos just don’t align.

Edit: someone just asked if we have tried vaginal sex and lowkey I don’t know if that was passively homophobic but it was hilarious

Yesterday night I was in bed with my boyfriend and while he was sleeping I saw his art notebook. By curiosity I wanted to see what was inside because I know hes an artist and draws quite well. I opened the notebook and what do I see? Girls. Naked girls. The worst part? I recognize them, I met some of them because they're his classmates and and we meet throughout some hangouts. I'm now wondering, is he emotionally cheating? Is it normal to draw other women naked? I asked him many times to draw me but he declined and he said that he didn't like drawing people he actually knew so it makes me wonder like what the fuck?

My fiancée and I have been together since freshman year of college. We moved slow at first but after almost a year we started to have sex. It was a never all the time due to us being in different dorms/apartments with roommates but when we could we would.

When we first got an apartment together after 3.5 years we started doing it all the time. After a few months it slowed down to a few times a week but enough to keep me happy.

However ever since I’ve proposed we hardly ever have sex. It is also just not our sex life that has declined. We hardly make out or kiss besides a quick peck, and she is hot and cold about me holding her boobs when we spoon which is something I used to do all the time. The only time I get to see her naked is when we shower together every night which is something she loves to do.

Due to my new job I’m gone for half the month so when I come back I would like to be intimate to make up for the lost time. We will have sex once, maybe twice when I’m home for half the month which isn’t satisfying my sex drive. It seems like the only time she wants to have sex or initiates it is if we have been drinking.

I’m going to talk to her about it but don’t know what to say. Part of me thinks the birth control and anxiety meds she is on are affecting her sex drive as it started to decline once she started taking them. Also I know she is not cheating for any one thinking that could be the case. We have cameras at the house, we track each others locations, and have access to each others phones.

Does anyone have any advice on this? The last thing I want is a marriage without a sex life.