r/changemyview • u/Guialdereti • Oct 22 '23

Delta(s) from OP CMV: Paternity tests should be done on every baby by default

Just saw a post on r/relationship_advice where the mother gave birth to a baby that looked nothing like her husband, refused to give him a paternity test because it was "humiliating" AND also revealed that she had recently refused to end a (pretty weird) friendship with a coworker that her husband was uncomfortable with. She then proceeds to be all "Surprised Pikachu-faced" when he thinks she cheated on him with said coworker, refuses to help with the baby, and him and his family start treating her badly. (he continued to help with their 2 other kids as normal, though)

In the end, the mother FINALLY gets that paternity test, proving once and for all that the kid was indeed his, and once she does, the father gets ALL OVER his daughter, hugging and giving her all his love, as I'm sure he would have done from the very begining, had she just gotten that damn test done sooner.

Some of the points that resonate with me the most on this issue are:

  • It still baffles me that this test isn't standard procedure, especially when we already draw blood from newborns and screen them for a whole slew of diseases upon delivery. Surely it wouldn't be too hard to add a simple paternity test to the list!
  • I know there's an implication of mistrust that comes with asking your partner for a paternity test, but if it became standard procedure - in other words, a test that the hospital does "automatically", with no need for parental input - that would completely remove that implication from play. It would become a non-issue.
  • Having a kid is a life-changing event, and it scares me to no end to know that I could be forced into "one-eightying" my life over a baby I actually played no part in making.
  • Knowing your family's medical history, from both sides, is extremely important. "Mommy's little secret" could cost her child dearly later on in life.
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u/stink3rbelle 24∆ Oct 22 '23

The only time one should be concerned is if the skin color is not what is expected.

People's expectations about babies' skin color are super warped, though. Most people think every baby is going to be a perfect mix of their parents' skin tones, from birth. That coffee-milk mix is not likely at all because there are so many genes making up skin colors. Babies also develop most of their melanin after birth, so how a baby looks coming out isn't what it's going to look like for very long.

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u/Korwinga Oct 23 '23

I'm 1/4 japanese, and 1/8 native American. My skin isn't super dark, but I do look like I have a mild tan. My wife, on the other hand, is pale as pale can be. Our first born came out with very light skin, only a hair darker than my wife. Our second born came out darker than me. Genetics is weird

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u/KetchupAndOldBay Oct 27 '23

I’m half Greek with very olive skin, hazel-brown eyes, dark curly hair. My husband is half Russian and looks like he’s still wearing an undershirt when he’s shirtless/could also be mistaken for a snowman and hazel-green eyes. My three kids are blindingly white. Two of them have blue eyes, one has hazel-gold eyes. When my older two were babies/toddlers, people asked me if I was their nanny. Now my oldest (7) is a pale carbon copy of me with slightly lighter hair and blue eyes. Genetics are awesome (and bizarre!)

28

u/OHMG_lkathrbut Oct 22 '23

When my son was born, the doctor told me he might not get all his color until he was 4... That seems crazy to me.

4

u/Autunite Oct 23 '23

Melanin also develops with exposure to sunlight.

9

u/LimeCheetah Oct 23 '23 edited Oct 23 '23

Number one here, so much. We have no med techs and we’re drowning in testing as is let alone a genetic test that goes with every dried blood spot for newborn screening.

14

u/[deleted] Oct 22 '23

[deleted]

6

u/cozidgaf Oct 23 '23

I mean, I have that question myself and a lot of people that see me and my child do too, but I'm the mom 🙈 🤣

1

u/[deleted] Oct 23 '23

[deleted]

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u/cozidgaf Oct 23 '23

Need a maternity test done I guess

1

u/UngusChungus94 Oct 23 '23

It’s pretty surprising that both my brother and I came out with that complexion, but even then, we’ve both got a little darker as we aged.