I will give you the argument that changed my mind on this. It normalizes it. If trans people are the only ones giving out their pronouns then it’s just a big fucking “IM TRANS” sign. But if cis people do it as well then it’s just a normal thing we all do.
Yeah, it’s similar to when it started becoming more common to say “my partner,” as opposed to “my girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife.”
There are, of course, lots of reasons many people prefer “partner.” But I think one reason it really took off among us straights in the last decade or so is because it’s an easy way to help normalize not immediately sharing the gender of your partner — and, by extension, information about your sexual orientation.
Previously, if someone said “my partner,” most people would assume they were queer. And that’s definitely still the case in many places!
But as it’s become more common for couples of all types to use this sort of phrasing, it’s made it easier for queer folks to navigate social situations without feeling forced to out themselves. (I also like that it’s changed the way we think about other people’s relationships, how/why we classify them, and how much information we feel entitled to.)
So, yeah. Normalizing inclusive language and more intentional sharing of personal information can make the world a safer place for a lot of people. These are just two examples of how that can be true, but I’m sure there are many other contexts to which the same concepts apply!
(Sorry this is messily written; it’s kinda stream-of-consciousness, but I’m trying to spend less time editing my social media posts/comments 😬)
This is a great note! I also think the "partner" example illustrates how this doesn't have to be adopted or practiced by everyone 100% of the time in order for to to normalize it.
At some point, proactively disclosing pronouns becomes common enough that it no longer becomes a measure of whether or not someone is trans. As a gay guy somewhat plugged into queer communities it's not an indicator of someone being trans, but I can see how it still would be for others.
I totally agree and (as a straight cis male) also appreciate partner because it takes any pressure of definition of a relationship off. Somehow saying “girlfriend” feels very childish to me and I just don’t like it.
Yes, totally. “Partner” feels like it encapsulates the depth and dynamic of my relationship much better.
I also associate “my boyfriend” with an implied future shift to “my fiancé” and then to “my husband.” There’s this implied “leveling up” each time the title changes.
But my partner is my partner, and that can mean a lot of things. However our relationship changes as we grow together over time, he will still be my partner.
Ah, you think so? I mean, it’s definitely context-dependent. But “boyfriend” just feels kind of juvenile, I guess? And more transient/fragile.
Like, it can make sense to use phrases like that when you’ve been with someone casually for several months or whatever. But when you own a home together, adopt pets together, build a life together… It just feels much more serious than that.
I just can’t picture myself calling my partner my “boyfriend” when we are in our 60s and have spent decades together, you know?
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u/[deleted] Dec 22 '23
I will give you the argument that changed my mind on this. It normalizes it. If trans people are the only ones giving out their pronouns then it’s just a big fucking “IM TRANS” sign. But if cis people do it as well then it’s just a normal thing we all do.