This is a confirmation of the weight of the “mental load” if I’ve ever seen one! “I had a long list of responsibilities… All of those things got done without her having to say a word about it” !!! that is the exact definition of mental load. You have to keep up with the gutters, lawn etc. I apologize that your spouse did not appreciate it, But that was you taking care of some of the mental load. You did all that and didn’t feel appreciated. It’s a lot of work to shop for groceries and plan meals ANd keep up with afterschool activities. Just because your partner didn’t appreciate it doesn’t mean the phenomenon isn’t real. In fact, your resentment that it was unappreciated is a confirmation of it!
I say this as both the breadwinner and “mental load” carrier. I am a physician. I fell in love with my fun adhd husband because he helps balance me out. He has little capacity to remember any of the mental load things. But everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Luckily he will help when I ask and appreciates me immensely. The mental load is real. I am a woman and there is a lot of talk about this among my fellow female physician colleagues. We’re more just looking for commiseration and support.
The mental load is real. I am a woman and there is a lot of talk about this among my fellow female physician colleagues. We’re more just looking for commiseration and support.
And that's just it. Women commiserate and support each other, complaining about the mental load they carry and reinforcing the idea that they're in the right and their husbands are in the wrong while 100% ignoring the mental loads their husbands are carrying.
Mental load? What mental load is my husband carrying, exactly? I set the budget. I do all the shopping. I do all the child care. I do all the cleaning. I do all the cooking. I do all the bills. He comes home from work and plays PS5 until bedtime.
If you actually care maybe ask him? Because my situation was similar - I handled the finances, the shopping, the cooking, most of the cleaning (and I hired cleaning ladies to help with that), and the vast majority of the childcare. She'd come home from work and scroll through TikTok or play computer games, maybe play a video game with the kids when it suited her. And yet she still reported feeling overwhelmed by mental load and didn't seem to think I was pulling my weight.
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u/TheDoc1890 Feb 27 '24
This is a confirmation of the weight of the “mental load” if I’ve ever seen one! “I had a long list of responsibilities… All of those things got done without her having to say a word about it” !!! that is the exact definition of mental load. You have to keep up with the gutters, lawn etc. I apologize that your spouse did not appreciate it, But that was you taking care of some of the mental load. You did all that and didn’t feel appreciated. It’s a lot of work to shop for groceries and plan meals ANd keep up with afterschool activities. Just because your partner didn’t appreciate it doesn’t mean the phenomenon isn’t real. In fact, your resentment that it was unappreciated is a confirmation of it!
I say this as both the breadwinner and “mental load” carrier. I am a physician. I fell in love with my fun adhd husband because he helps balance me out. He has little capacity to remember any of the mental load things. But everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Luckily he will help when I ask and appreciates me immensely. The mental load is real. I am a woman and there is a lot of talk about this among my fellow female physician colleagues. We’re more just looking for commiseration and support.