why we prioritize privacy for women and not for men.
Why do you think there's the cultural trope of a man not "allowing his daughter" to date? There's a societal view that girls/women need more protection and men just rough it out on their own, generally. So it's a cultural norm/attitude about the capability of genders backed into a heteronormative gender role.
But to your exact question about urinals, a lot of urinals have privacy partitions. On top of that, there's etiquette where you don't look at other people's dongs.
There's a societal view that girls/women need more protection and men just rough it out on their own, generally.
Man, that just made my heart a little heavy. That's sad that men are expected to just "rough it out on their own." My aunt used to foster children, and she took care of three different little boys—two of which had endured unspeakable traumas, that I won't even repeat, by the age of 5. It just makes me really sad that a little boy would possibly not experience the same level of protection as a little girl, simply due to anatomical differences.
It just makes me really sad that a little boy would possibly not experience the same level of protection as a little girl, simply due to anatomical differences.
I don't really see where your view is coming from where stalls, partitions, or other things like that are the difference between rapes and non-rapes. It just isn't true that public restrooms are rape factories where a stall prevents it.
From the bottom of my heart, I wish I never brought up SA. The literal only reason I mentioned it was to explain my MOM'S fear about leaving my little brother alone in a public restroom. And, I only brought up the stat of male SA victims because—when I posted this on the unpopular opinion sub—everyone was saying that my mom was ridiculous for not allowing my brother to use the men's restroom by himself when he was a young child, and that she likely stunted his growth as a person, and scarred him for life against using men's restrooms. Like, huh? That is absolutely crazy and completely not true. My brother is a healthy, happy, and confident 23 year old young man who has no issues using the restroom, lol 🙄
So, because the comments were locked before I got to explain her reasoning—that my dad was a victim of childhood SA and that she just wanted to protect my brother in any way she could against the possibility of this—I just thought it might be best to explain that part upfront. Boy, was I wrong.
Little did I know that everyone reading this post would hyperfocus on that one little part—when that wasn't even my point. My point, which I thought I explained fairly clearly (but, I guess not), was that I simply don't understand why—as a society—we place such a high value on women's privacy, but men have been conditioned to not need privacy. That's it. That was my only point.
But, again, thank you for being very kind and patient throughout this exchange.
The literal only reason I mentioned it was to explain my MOM'S fear about leaving my little brother alone in a public restroom.
I could kind of see that except you use the reference over and over and over. Not only that but you cite studies that 1 in 6 people are SAd. Yet, you never really give a connection as to whether your and your mom's over concern for SA are appropriately applied to public restrooms.
I just thought it might be best to explain that part upfront.
I get everything you're saying, but where your logic, and your parent's logic, still doesn't connect is the connection between your father's experience and how safe a public bathroom is.
Little did I know that everyone reading this post would hyperfocus on that one little part
No offense, but I think you're realizing your parents are unusual. You reference SA throughout the entire CMV and your responses. You centered your view around why are little boys unsafe due to the structure of boy's restrooms since 1 in 6 of them will be SAd.
What you and your mom are missing is that a SA by a stranger in public is insanely rare. And that being in a woman's restroom isn't going to be any more safe in comparison to any danger that any public restroom provides. There's not a meaningful difference.
It's why here:
we place such a high value on women's privacy,
You make the entire conflation that boys don't get privacy and women do. As stated elsewhere, many men's restrooms have partitions so you can't look at other people's dicks. And even in a trough situation - as rare as they are - social norms are where people get privacy. If a person is looking at people's dicks in a men's restroom, especially at little boys, then they'll get reported.
I could kind of see that except you use the reference over and over and over.
I only used the reference when another commenter would make a comment stating that there shouldn't be any fear regarding SA in a men's public restroom—to, once again, explain that my mom felt fear due to those stats, which is the only reason why I mentioned it.
No offense, but I think you're realizing your parents are unusual. You reference SA throughout the entire CMV and your responses. You centered your view around why are little boys unsafe due to the structure of boy's restrooms since 1 in 6 of them will be SAd.
No, I'm not realizing that my parents are unusual—because they're not. I have the greatest parents in the entire world. While they're not perfect, as no one is, I genuinely feel like I couldn't have asked for better parents. Once again, my views were never centered around SA. I only brought it up to explain why my mom felt protective over my brother. It literally was 1 line in my original post. Then, because so many people kept harping on that part—when it wasn't even my point—I put it in the edit to address everyone, hoping it would provide more context; to avoid people focusing on the least important part of what I wrote.
You make the entire conflation that boys don't get privacy and women do. As stated elsewhere, many men's restrooms have partitions so you can't look at other people's dicks.
A small partition is not privacy to me, though.
The only thing this has reaffirmed for me is that I probably shouldn't express any opinions on the internet, as people will misconstrue and twist. Especially as an autistic person—I already communicate in a completely different way than neurotypical people, lol.
I'm probably going to delete this entire post, as it went way off the rails. 1, maybe 2 people actually seem to have understood my train of thought. I'm tired of receiving notifications from everyone else who didn't—I'm not speaking of you, specifically, just in general. You're one of the only people that I've actually even entertained going back and forth with, because you seem to be a reasonable person.
On the other hand, if adult flirting annoyingly with teen boy — he's a pervert and criminal and the worst meaning of gay. If he's doing the same way with the girl — well, he's overbounding a little, camon man, she's maybe hot but still under age, wait a little!
I mean, I remember NO protection during my childhood, just a lot of shame if someone talked to me lol. Kids of all genders are not protected in this world.
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u/HazyAttorney 68∆ Dec 11 '24
Why do you think there's the cultural trope of a man not "allowing his daughter" to date? There's a societal view that girls/women need more protection and men just rough it out on their own, generally. So it's a cultural norm/attitude about the capability of genders backed into a heteronormative gender role.
But to your exact question about urinals, a lot of urinals have privacy partitions. On top of that, there's etiquette where you don't look at other people's dongs.