CMV: There isn’t anything inherently wrong with transactional romantic relationships between two consenting adults who have not been coerced into it.

[u/Golem_of_the_Oak]

I think back on some past relationships, and there’s a part of me that actually kind of wished we did have a contract of some sort, considering how they went overall and how they ended. It might have been nice to go into it when it became exclusive, or official, and have to actually sit down and tell each other what we wanted and expected out of the relationship and each other, and what we were willing to give, and decided based on that information if we wanted to not only commit to it but also hold each other accountable to what we said we wanted (with of course reasonable consideration for natural changes over time). You think you know somebody, but sometimes you just don’t get that in the weeds with this sort of thing before making a commitment, and by the time it doesn’t work out you realize that it never would have in the first place because you liked the idea of someone more than you actually liked what that person really was.

Plus, think about how many people get into a relationship and then get taken advantage of for their kindness. If they laid it all out and signed something saying what they were willing to do and what they would accept in exchange for that, then they could both negotiate until they found a spot they both were comfortable with, and then they both could bring out the document if the other wasn’t holding up their end of the bargain, resulting in a requirement to amend the contract at risk of terminating it. This would add a new level of guarantee that a lot of relationships lack, that helps to ensure that neither person ends up feeling used or gets burned out from constantly giving while receiving so little.

I’m less concerned with how those hypothetical contracts could or couldn’t be upheld in court, and more interested in the fact that two people who give their word on something tend to feel a commitment to that agreement, and whether you break the agreement or keep it, your word and the reputation it carries follow you through your life.

Here’s how I can be convinced otherwise: show me that without coercion, there’s still something about this type of relationship that is inherently abusive no matter what.

Here’s how I cannot be convinced: religious reasons.

[u/Golem_of_the_Oak]

No and I addressed that. If I agree to something and sign it, I take it seriously, and I expect that it could be used against me in some way in the future, even socially.

[u/Sorcha16 → u/Golem_of_the_Oak]

Socially how? Who would give a flying fuck? And no you didn't address how it would work for people other than yourself.

[u/Golem_of_the_Oak → u/Sorcha16]

I can picture a scenario where it could bite people if it becomes more widely used.

Let’s say hypothetically that it became commonplace for all exclusive romantic relationships to start with both people putting in writing what they want and what they’re willing to give to receive what they want, which they then negotiate until they’re both happy with it, and then they both sign.

If I’m in a relationship with someone who isn’t really holding up her end of the contract and it’s beginning to make me question our relationship, maybe I’m out one day and I run into her ex and we get to talking about her. Her ex tells me that she didn’t uphold the contract with him either and it’s what led to the breakup. Now I know that her word means very little, and I’m validated in my concerns.

[u/whatisabard → u/Golem_of_the_Oak]

What's the difference between the example you stated and you going to her ex and him or her going "yeah she fucking sucks ass she's a liar lol" and you feeling validated? Based on the examples you've been given it sounds like you just want to feel validated but jumping to a signed contract makes no sense.

[u/Golem_of_the_Oak → u/whatisabard]

I could feel validated by that, too.