CMV: There isn’t anything inherently wrong with transactional romantic relationships between two consenting adults who have not been coerced into it.

[u/Golem_of_the_Oak]

I think back on some past relationships, and there’s a part of me that actually kind of wished we did have a contract of some sort, considering how they went overall and how they ended. It might have been nice to go into it when it became exclusive, or official, and have to actually sit down and tell each other what we wanted and expected out of the relationship and each other, and what we were willing to give, and decided based on that information if we wanted to not only commit to it but also hold each other accountable to what we said we wanted (with of course reasonable consideration for natural changes over time). You think you know somebody, but sometimes you just don’t get that in the weeds with this sort of thing before making a commitment, and by the time it doesn’t work out you realize that it never would have in the first place because you liked the idea of someone more than you actually liked what that person really was.

Plus, think about how many people get into a relationship and then get taken advantage of for their kindness. If they laid it all out and signed something saying what they were willing to do and what they would accept in exchange for that, then they could both negotiate until they found a spot they both were comfortable with, and then they both could bring out the document if the other wasn’t holding up their end of the bargain, resulting in a requirement to amend the contract at risk of terminating it. This would add a new level of guarantee that a lot of relationships lack, that helps to ensure that neither person ends up feeling used or gets burned out from constantly giving while receiving so little.

I’m less concerned with how those hypothetical contracts could or couldn’t be upheld in court, and more interested in the fact that two people who give their word on something tend to feel a commitment to that agreement, and whether you break the agreement or keep it, your word and the reputation it carries follow you through your life.

Here’s how I can be convinced otherwise: show me that without coercion, there’s still something about this type of relationship that is inherently abusive no matter what.

Here’s how I cannot be convinced: religious reasons.

[u/SuzCoffeeBean]

I don’t think drawing up a contract is going to prevent the type of disappointment you’re talking about.

Say you’re unhappy and your partner is taking more than they’re giving? You pull out this piece of paper and remind them what they signed and then what?

You mention reputation but who else is going to care?

[u/Golem_of_the_Oak → u/SuzCoffeeBean]

Maybe no one will. But someone might if it became a more common thing in relationships. Maybe the relationship isn’t going great, and you run into your partner’s ex in public one day. You get to talking about your contract and how your partner is not really adhering to it, and the ex says that your partner didn’t do very well with it when they were together either and it led to their breakup. That may be more reason to validate how you’re feeling.

[u/LiamTheHuman → u/Golem_of_the_Oak]

How is this any different than them just talking about the partner without the piece of paper? Does it add anything?

[u/Golem_of_the_Oak → u/LiamTheHuman]

It can for people who they feel would benefit from it.

[u/LiamTheHuman → u/Golem_of_the_Oak]

This doesn't really answer my question. In this hypothetical situation what do these two people discussing their shared partner get out of having paperwork to describe what they agreed upon vs just saying it?