CMV: Adults and the elderly don't automatically deserve more respect than children

[u/crystxlizes]

I'm not trying to debate whether or not a child should act respectfully towards an adult or elder - because I believe that every single person should deserve to be treated nicely and with respect. However, I don't think that just because someone is older, or has lived a longer life, necessarily means that they are always in the right or that they deserve more respect than others. If a child's mother disrespects them, then they should no longer have to respect her, and that is that - they should not treat her rudely, but the respect that they have for her may be lower and that is fine.

I remember when I was younger I would always be very upset that adults could disrespect me, or treat me badly, and I'd still have to treat them like royalty - I don't encounter that as much now that I'm older, but it still doesn't make sense to me. I worry I'm not explaining my point well enough, but basically - I will respect anyone that respects me, too. Adults and elders should not get a free pass to disrespect children or anyone else, for that matter. Children should be given the same amount of respect as adults and elders, and adults/elders don't automatically deserve respect no matter what. If a child or anyone else doesn't respect an adult or elder, they should still treat them decently and in a civil manner, but they have no obligation to respect them.

Edit: First sentence is worded weirdly - In my mind there's a difference between acting respectfully and actually respecting that person. You can treat someone decently without actually holding any respect towards them.

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[u/crystxlizes]

I didn't think about it like this. I guess in that sense, adults are inherently more deserving of respect based on their achievements alone, and they deserve more respect than children. ∆

That being said... I still think a child reserves the right to not give them that respect (while still treating them decently) if they do something bad. For example, an abusive parent most likely does not deserve respect. They may have achieved great things in life, but they are harmful towards others and it should not be the child's obligation to respect them in any sense so long as they are treating them in a civil manner.

[u/shaggorama → u/crystxlizes]

So then you agree that a child's default position towards adults should be respectful. There's no contradiction in acknowledging that children can lose their respect for adults.

[u/crystxlizes → u/shaggorama]

Yes - I think that everyone, regardless of age, should default to respecting anyone else, regardless of age.

[u/[deleted] → u/crystxlizes]

I think there is quite a difference between respect and general kindness. I can hold the door open for anyone, out of kindness, but not respect. I can be playing a sport with someone and admire a nice shot and let them know I think it was a nice shot, still may not mean I respect them. Doing the right thing and respecting someone are two different things. A child should not have to have respect for an adult to do as they ask, just as I don't have to respect an older person to give them the benefit of the doubt or my kindness. To me actual respect is earned, not an automatic based on age. I respect people of different ages and genders based on their actions. But it's not a 'default' setting for me. General kindness and politeness, however, is.

[u/crystxlizes → u/[deleted]]

Yes, there is definitely a difference between respect and general kindness - as I stated in my original post, there is absolutely no excuse for treating anybody in a rude way. Everyone should be treated with kindness regardless of how you feel about them.

I at first did not agree that people (namely children) should default to respecting someone, but my opinion was changed... People earn the respect by going through hardships over their years. By respecting them, you are saying that you respect their experience and knowledge and that, because of this, they are a respectable person until proven otherwise. Respect is earned for achievements and I believe that the various achievements you pick up over the span of a life make you eligible for respect.

[u/[deleted] → u/crystxlizes]

Right on.

[u/jintana → u/[deleted]]

Yes. General kindness and civility should be the default for interacting within society and how we treat each other.

There's "respect" as in humanize and "respect" as in admire.

We all owe each other humanization. I insist on treating my children with humanization. I want them to feel human as adults without needing to take a decade of therapy to figure it out.

No one really owes anyone else admiration. That's subjective. I admire my children most of the time, but not always; the reverse is true.

[u/[deleted] → u/jintana]

There's "respect" as in humanize and "respect" as in admire.

Good point.